Gemma Tries It On: My 'Maasai Maras' are ideal for urban jungle

 

Fashion is an easy target. Wearing something remotely out of the ordinary can be met with ridicule and up-and-down stares. But it's harder to deal with that piss-taking when it's on your own doorstep, so to speak. Or on your own sofa, to be precise.

My otherwise lovely boyfriend takes great pride in naming the things that I wear that he isn't fond of or if he sees an opportunity for a (sometimes, admittedly) funny joke.

The first item of mine to be "named" was a pair of leopard-print Ashish for Topshop – huge platform wedge shoes that, every time they come out of the box, get called my "Maasai Maras". I'm not sure if he didn't like the fact they made me a foot taller than him, or if, they were in fact, horrid. They are currently gathering dust in my fireplace.

Then came the "pantsuit" (said in an American accent) which "makes me look bigger than I actually am"... Now there's a statement to put you off of wearing a jumpsuit if ever there was... He did like the Christopher Kane part leather/part solar system print "Star Wars" dress that I borrowed for a party and also my "Sergeant Major" boots.

Not as popular were my "lollipop lady" flat sandals from Opening Ceremony, which were introduced to my wardrobe this summer, and yes, the neon-yellow vinyl does create some unwanted attention and I always seem to sit next to a man wearing a high-vis jacket on the train, but I wouldn't say they are out of the ordinary. They just glow up at night when traffic passes. People do like to comment on them – "wow, your shoes are really bright!" "I know, I know," I say. " I'm wearing yellow shoes, I'm mad, me!"

I know what you're thinking, "sounds like her boyfriend has good taste", but I can assure you, I'm right (and always am) when this particular argument rears its ugly head.

So I went to have my weekly look in Cos, knowing it was payday and that I hadn't been in there for a couple of weeks, I was sure to come out, paper bag in hand. As I carefully manoeuvred around the rails I came across some culottes. The dropped crotch and the wool fabric were a bit Comme des Garçons, so I thought I'd give them a try. I liked them, the wide style wasn't as unflattering as I had imagined. When I pulled some strange shapes and squatted they looked a bit odd and clown-like, but I surmised I wouldn't really be squatting in public, so I got them. In the back of my mind I was wondering about all the possible names my new trousers would be christened. "Baggy crotches" or "poo'd yourself pants" were the top contenders. Only time would tell.

So hesitantly I tried them on for him and waited for the sarcastic comments. But, all I got was "they remind me of what I used to wear when I lived in India".

That's it? I must try harder.

Gemma Hayward is Fashion Editor of 'The Independent'

g.hayward@independent.co.uk

Sport
tennisLive: Follow all the updates from Melbourne as Murray faces Czech Tomas Berdych in the semi-final
Arts and Entertainment
'The Archers' has an audience of about five million
radioA growing number of listeners are voicing their discontent; so loudly that even the BBC's director-general seems worried
Arts and Entertainment
Henry VIII played by Damien Lewis
tvReview: Scheming queens-in-waiting, tangled lines of succession and men of lowly birth rising to power – sound familiar?
Arts and Entertainment
Taylor Swift is applying to trademark song lyrics from 1989
musicYou'll have to ask Taylor Swift first
PROMOTED VIDEO
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
ebooks
ebookPart of The Independent’s new eBook series The Great Composers
News
Joel Grey, now 82, won several awards for his role in Cabaret
people
Sport
Harry Kane celebrates scoring the opening goal for Spurs
footballLive: All the latest transfer news as deadline day looms
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs Fashion

    Ashdown Group: SQL DBA (SSIS, ETL) - London, £60k

    £60000 per annum: Ashdown Group: SQL DBA (SSIS, ETL) - Central London, £60,000...

    Recruitment Genius: Compliance Assistant

    £13000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This Pension Specialist was established ...

    Recruitment Genius: Service Agent / QA Engineer

    Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity to join an est...

    Recruitment Genius: C# / XAML Developer

    Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity for a talented...

    Day In a Page

    Isis hostage crisis: Militant group stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

    Isis stands strong as its numerous enemies fail to find a common plan to defeat it

    The jihadis are being squeezed militarily and economically, but there is no sign of an implosion, says Patrick Cockburn
    Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action

    Virtual reality: Seeing is believing

    Virtual reality thrusts viewers into the frontline of global events - and puts film-goers at the heart of the action
    Homeless Veterans appeal: MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’

    Homeless Veterans appeal

    MP says Coalition ‘not doing enough’ to help
    Larry David, Steve Coogan and other comedians share stories of depression in new documentary

    Comedians share stories of depression

    The director of the new documentary, Kevin Pollak, tells Jessica Barrett how he got them to talk
    Has The Archers lost the plot with it's spicy storylines?

    Has The Archers lost the plot?

    A growing number of listeners are voicing their discontent over the rural soap's spicy storylines; so loudly that even the BBC's director-general seems worried, says Simon Kelner
    English Heritage adds 14 post-war office buildings to its protected lists

    14 office buildings added to protected lists

    Christopher Beanland explores the underrated appeal of these palaces of pen-pushing
    Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

    Human skull discovery in Israel proves humans lived side-by-side with Neanderthals

    Scientists unearthed the cranial fragments from Manot Cave in West Galilee
    World War Z author Max Brooks honours WW1's Harlem Hellfighters in new graphic novel

    Max Brooks honours Harlem Hellfighters

    The author talks about race, legacy and his Will Smith film option to Tim Walker
    Why the league system no longer measures up

    League system no longer measures up

    Jon Coles, former head of standards at the Department of Education, used to be in charge of school performance rankings. He explains how he would reform the system
    Valentine's Day cards: 5 best online card shops

    Don't leave it to the petrol station: The best online card shops for Valentine's Day

    Can't find a card you like on the high street? Try one of these sites for individual, personalised options, whatever your taste
    Diego Costa: Devil in blue who upsets defences is a reminder of what Liverpool have lost

    Devil in blue Costa is a reminder of what Liverpool have lost

    The Reds are desperately missing Luis Suarez, says Ian Herbert
    Ashley Giles: 'I'll watch England – but not as a fan'

    Ashley Giles: 'I'll watch England – but not as a fan'

    Former one-day coach says he will ‘observe’ their World Cup games – but ‘won’t be jumping up and down’
    Greece elections: In times like these, the EU has far more dangerous adversaries than Syriza

    Greece elections

    In times like these, the EU has far more dangerous adversaries than Syriza, says Patrick Cockburn
    Holocaust Memorial Day: Nazi victims remembered as spectre of prejudice reappears

    Holocaust Memorial Day

    Nazi victims remembered as spectre of prejudice reappears over Europe
    Fortitude and the Arctic attraction: Our fascination with the last great wilderness

    Magnetic north

    The Arctic has always exerted a pull, from Greek myth to new thriller Fortitude. Gerard Gilbert considers what's behind our fascination with the last great wilderness