The clothes

Gemma Hayward: They're trying to pull off a Hollywood heyday look, but as they look like they have a combined age of 12, it's more Bugsy Malone than Great Gatsby. His ill-fitting tux, combined with her weird sash make for uncomfortable viewing.

Hugh Montgomery: It's a case of Beauty and the wee-est: might not the same management overlords who swaddle the Biebster's record in sickly maple syrup not also swaddle him in a properly fitting tuxedo?

The hair

Gemma: Gomez has gone for timeless elegance with that subtle wave, Bieber's gone for greasy. Hope that oil slick doesn't get anywhere near her silk dress – it'll be a nightmare to get the stain out!

Hugh: There comes a time in every pop moppet's existence when they must put childish haircuts away or slide ever closer towards Dancing with the Stars. Hence Bieber's slicked-back side-parting and Gomez's old-school curls: the latter a model of sophistication, the former a Clearasil advert waiting to happen.

The pose

Gemma: She looks a bit fed up, doesn't she? Maybe the rumours about the baby have got to her or maybe she's disturbed that she seems taller than her beau. Either way, she's got the right hump. Bieber, however, is doing well to focus his gaze on his girlfriend's face.

Hugh: The puppy-eyed longing and beatific gaze say it all... good on Gomez for being all over that flashbulb like a rash.

The shoes

Gemma: Patent trainers that look worryingly like wedges should never be worn, let alone on the red carpet. She, meanwhile, has played it safe with platform python sandals, which frankly are a bit Strictly Come Dancing. They should act their age, not their shoe size.

Hugh: Go-meh-z, though Bieber has done well with the shiny high-top trainers – a sober pair of brogues might just have effected a break in the time-tweenybopper continuum.