Rebecca Gonsalves: She's obviously a very committed Friend of the Earth; how else would you justify recycling cream lace-up hipsters from the late 1990s?
Hugh Montgomery: I see these trousers and I think of Sinitta in a Surrey-based remake of 'Kill Bill'. Please don't ask to me explain.
Rebecca: Did you know Sinitta has an amazing body? Probably not, as she's quite shy about revealing it.
Hugh: Sinitta's crop-topping? Is Simon Cowell simultaneously wearing an enthusiastically open-necked shirt? Naturally.
Rebecca: In her haste to continue the cream theme, she seems to have grabbed her sewing basket for a handbag. Perhaps she was macraméing her top on the way and ran out of time.
Hugh: This strict adherence to theme is why Sinitta deserves to be an 'X Factor'- judge proper. You wouldn't get drippy acoustic ballads in club-classic week from her contestants.
Rebecca: The odd length of the trousers provides a good eyeful of these whopping platforms; a few inches longer and we'd be blissfully ignorant.
Hugh: Perfectly nice, but we worry about their suitability given her proximity to the health and safety concern that is heaving masses of Directioners.