Ready to Wear: Perhaps the WAGS will have to sharpen up their acts

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It’s good to know that Fabio Capello is planning to allow footballers’ wives and girlfriends take part in any offduty World Cup activities, including feel-good (no-carb) barbecues, safe in the knowledge that behind every good man etc...

Or maybe their irresistible WAG charm simply seduced him. But will we, the onlookers, be quite so fascinated by the behaviour of Abigail Clancy, Sabrina Keogh, et al as we once were?

That seems unlikely.

True, the sight of these real-life Barbie dolls frolicking about town with Balenciaga/Prada/YSL and, if they’re really on top of things, Celine handbags in tow may add a feminine flourish to the predominantly male, beautiful-game-obsessed news pages in June. The type of rampantly conspicuous consumption that this group of women represents, however, is about as intriguing these days as a trip to Iceland (the low-budget supermarket, not the volcano, which really is exciting).

Is anyone really interested in what these pretty, privileged souls are wearing and buying as they neck Bacardi Breezers, trailing after their men in packs like well-groomed ponies? Perhaps the WAGs will have to sharpen up their acts and adjust their not-entirely-shy lifestyle to suit more restrained and serious times.

A few tips they would do well to embrace, but will no doubt ignore entirely.

Despite claims that the status handbag is back, an easily identifiable current “it” bag, laden with trinkets and hardware, is not fashionable. Satchels are, although it’s unlikely that any WAG worth her credentials will be buying hers in the John Lewis school uniform department.

Next, and equally challenging for this particular breed: while short, body-conscious clothing is still enjoying a mainstream moment, anyone looking forward is embracing the distinctly un-WAG friendly maxi skirt (they’ll do theirs Sienna Miller style no doubt) or dirndl. Douze points for any WAG who chooses not to reveal her shapely orange limbs.

And talking of orange, while that mother of all absent WAGs (AWAGS!), or should that be the famous fashion designer, Victoria Beckham may be wedded to her all-round, gravy-toned glow, naturally sun-kissed skin – the sort that is protected with Factor 15 sunscreen at all times – is today the way forward. Will the WAGs leave their Saint Tropez behind in their suburban mansions? The sight of pigs flying gracefully on the South African horizon is surely more likely.

s.frankel@independent.co.uk