Gear freaks The surfer

Also known as: soul surfer (mystical type driven by "the quest" for the perfect wave), pro-surfer (driven by money), grommet (young surfer), kook (non-cool surfer).

Favourite locations: Newquay's Fistral Beach, Scotland's Thurso East beach, Hawaii's Pipe Line or Waimea Bay, Australia's Bells Beach, Notting Hill's Low Pressure shop.

Numbers nationally: 60,000 all year round, 120,000 warm weather only; approx 95 per cent of surfers are male.

Magazines: Surfing, Surfer, Carve, Wavelength, Surfing Life.

Hazards: concussion (from surfboards, waves and other surfers), "shark biscuits" or "speed bumps" (bodyboarders who lie or kneel on their board), "wind-wankers" (windsurfers), "goat boaters" (canoeists) and any other water-sport enthusiasts who are not surfers, condoms, panty-liners and infections (from 300 million gallons of sewage discharged into the sea around the UK every day), getting "busted" (the surfers' penchant for pot has meant that Britain has been unable to enter a male squad in the amateur world championships for a decade, ever since the introduction of drug tests), thieves (surfboard theft is so common that they are virtually uninsurable).

The kit: the brotherhood of surfers may be united by their awesome Zen- like worship of the waves, surfboards and Rusty, Morris Cole, Nigel Semmens and other god-like board shapers who handcraft the "Mini Mals", "Guns", longboards and short, but no serious surfer wants to look like a kook in non-happening gear. Looking cool (when both wet and dry) is crucial and Oakley or Arnet shades, Animal watches and Quiksilver, Rip Curl, Billabong and O'Neill clothes will guarantee instant beach- or street-cred.

The gear: Airwalk sneakers, pounds 65; Quiksilver drawstring baggy beach pants, pounds 55; Low Pressure over-washed and over-dyed T-shirt with "Behind the Bush" cannabis logo, pounds 22; Billabong hooded sweat with duck tails, pounds 44.95; Quiksilver polar fleece Beanie (bobble hat without the bobble), pounds 20; Ballistix Board shorts, pounds 42; Billabong Megastretch 643 wetsuit with moulded Kevlar kneepads, Megastretch underarm and shoulders, key pocket and storm cuffs on wrists and ankles, pounds 220; Billabong board booties, pounds 30; Reef Bali flip-flops, pounds 32.

Accessories: Morris Cole Mini Mal surfboard, pounds 335; Full Bore 6ft surf leash, pounds 21; Rhino 10mm international surf board travel bag, pounds 79.95; Animal water- and salt-resistant watch with "bombproof" construction, pounds 59.95; Oakley Full Metal Jacket surfing shades, pounds 100; Mr Zogs Sex Wax (for surfboard), pounds l.50.

Optional extras: Wella Colour Confidence light-honey blonde hair dye, pounds 3.85; leather thongs and woven bracelets from pounds l; Tiki webbed gloves (for powered paddling), pounds 15.95; video of Big Wednesday, pounds 10.

Ultimate object: "Combie" - a VW camper van, from pounds 3,000 secondhand. Along with the board and the wet suit, the V-Dub makes up surfing's Holy Trinity, (particularly as in this country surfers spend a lot more time in their car waiting for decent weather than on their boards). The van should be equipped with a roof rack, a cool sound system, a mobile (or "fetish") made from pebbles, feathers and shells and rear stickers which read "Fat Willy" and "Hot Tuna".

Bare essentials: a beginner's shortboard, pounds 150; hired wetsuit, pounds 10 a day.

Ultimate experience: the next wave; acrobatic stunts on the top of a wave such as "aeriels" (launching into the air) and "360s" (turning 360 degrees); tube rides (entering the tube formed by powerful breaking wave, to emerge at high speed on the other side); appearing in Baywatch.