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No sex please: An asexual life

Andy is young and healthy – yet he’s never experienced physical desire. And there are thousands more like him. Olly Bootle meets the asexuals


Single-minded: Asexual Andy Holland decided to have medical tests to check that he is physically normal

At 21, Andy Holland is happy, easy-going and interested in the same things as most university students. With one notable exception: Holland is not attracted to women, or to men. In fact, he has no desire to have sex. And in this, he is not as unusual as we might assume.

The first crush that Tessa Barratt had was on a Transformers toy called Rat Trap. “He was my first heart throb,” she says. The shelves in her bedroom are lined with models of Transformers. Playing with them now, laughs as she admits, “I don’t know how I fell in love with a rat.”

Barratt is now 22. But she’s not that much closer to having what most people would consider a normal, loving relationship: she’s still a virgin.

“It’s hard to imagine what would push me to having sex. I’m not afraid of sex, it’s just not something I want to do. That’s probably why I delve into the world of science fiction and Transformers, where sex isn’t an issue at all.”

Barratt calls herself “asexual”, and says she’s very different to the many people who decide to abstain from sex for religious or moral reasons. “Celibacy is a choice, asexuality is an orientation. It’s not something you choose to be, it’s something you’re born as.”

It’s not easy to understand someone who claims to feel no sexual attraction towards other people. For most of us, sex is part of what makes us tick and sexuality informs so many of our decisions.

As Barratt recognises: “Some people find the concept of asexuality incredibly difficult to grasp. They don’t understand how you can be human and not want sex.”

And it all gets even harder to understand when you get on to the subject of masturbation. While filming a documentary for the BBC about asexuality, the first question I would be asked by “normal” people was: do asexuals masturbate? A lot of asexuals are annoyed by this apparently unnecessary intrusion into their private habits. But the truth is, the question gets straight to the heart of what makes an asexual tick. Because the answer, often, is yes.

Many asexuals have a sex drive, and many of them masturbate. But what makes them different is that their libido is dissociated from sexual attraction. Having a sex drive doesn’t translate into wanting sex. Put simply, there can be a sex drive, but not a drive towards anyone. “I can still feel sexual arousal,” says Barratt, “but I never want to act upon it.”

As this is so hard for the rest of us to understand. It might be easy to dismiss Barratt as frigid or afraid of sex – and many people do. “I get told I’m repressed, that I’m psychologically damaged, that it’s something to do with my history, that I’ve been abused. I’ve had people make out there’s something wrong with me, as if it’s a physical or psychological ailment.”

And the trouble is, as Barratt acknowledges, the banner of asexuality is an attractive hiding place for those who are repressing their sexuality – perhaps because of latent homosexuality, or a phobia of sex, or a childhood trauma. “I think there are some people who identify themselves as asexual who have a fear of sex, who may have had something traumatic in their past that’s put them off. I’m not denying that they may make up a proportion of the asexual population, but I do think there’s many who are also physiologically different, wired not to be attracted to other people.”

One asexual who certainly can’t be accused of being afraid of sex is Holland. And that’s because he’s tried it. Now a student at Warwick University, having got through his teens with no interest in sex, he then found himself in a comfortable relationship, aged 20. He was curious to see what sex would be like, so he decided to give it a go. He thought that trying it might kick his hormones into gear. “I thought some hidden sexuality might blossom, but it just wasn’t something that I was driven to do like she was.” After several months together, Holland split up with his girlfriend, partly because of the difference in sexual appetites.

Holland says that sex was “quite fun, quite enjoyable”, but crucially, he has no drive to go out and do it again. “If it happens it happens. I enjoy golf but if I never play it again, I don’t care.”

It’s so unusual – especially for a man – to have a complete lack of interest in sex, that while we were filming the documentary, Holland decided to see a GP, to make sure that there was nothing physically wrong with him. “It’s quite important for an asexual to check that there’s no underlying cause, because lots of people will think if I’m not interested in sex there’s a problem. It will help me feel more secure in my asexuality.”

With a lack of facial hair as well as no desire for sex, Holland wanted to make sure that low testosterone wasn’t a factor in his asexuality. Dr David Edwards runs a male sexual health clinic in Chipping Norton, Oxfordshire. One of the first things he wanted to establish was whether Holland might be depressed. Depression, and also anti-depressants, can often dampen libido. But it would be hard to find someone with a more cheerful and laid-back disposition than Holland.

Happy that there were no obvious psychological issues that could be contributing to Holland’s asexuality, Dr Edwards examined the blood test results. They were all totally normal – including his testosterone levels. As Dr Edwards told him: “I don’t think there’s anything I can find that may be a cause or factor in this. You may find things vary from year to year, but maybe not.”

Dr Edwards added: “It’s understandable that someone may have a libido but have no urge for sex. It is not an unusual thing. Some people are very far down one tangent.”

There are more people at the end of that tangent than people might imagine. A survey carried out in 1994 found that 1.05 per cent of respondents had “never felt sexually attracted to anyone at all”. In fact, more than 50 years ago, pioneering sex researcher Alfred Kinsey seemed to be aware of asexuality. He devised a scale of sexual orientation, in which subjects ranged from a score of 0 (completely homosexual) to 6 (completely heterosexual). But he labelled 1.5 per cent of adult males as “X” – neither homosexual nor heterosexual, nor anything in between. They were simply uninterested in sex.

For a long time, Kinsey’s Xs have remained hidden, but with the sexual revolution continuing at pace, asexuals are beginning to speak out. As the pressure to enjoy an active sex life is greatest on the young, many of the most vocal asexuals are in their twenties, like Barratt and Holland. But that doesn’t mean that older people can’t be asexual. As Dr Edwards notes: “Asexuality is not just a situation that affects the young adult – it can extend into older age groups, although they may not be so obvious.”

With sex being arguably the world’s favourite pastime, asexuals face an uphill struggle for recognition. It’s a testament to how sexualised our society is, that we accept almost any sort of sexual predilection, but when it comes to someone getting no sexual kicks at all, we’re at a loss as to how to understand it. We find it perfectly believable – if a little odd – that someone might want to have sex while wearing an asphyxiating latex mask, or while being whipped or spanked. But the idea that someone should deviate so far from the norm as to not want sex at all is almost incomprehensible. Most of us instinctively feel that there must be some sort of mental or physical problem, something that could be cured. We want to know why they’re like this.

But isn’t that how people thought about homosexuality 100 years ago, that they could pinpoint the reason as to why it existed? Little boys not playing with enough toy guns, little girls not having enough dolls? Now it’s much more simple – we just accept it’s the way some people are.

Perhaps it’s time to view asexuality with the same open-mindedness. Those with exceptionally high sex drives, who could be said to be at the opposite end of a spectrum from asexuals, are accepted – even implicitly admired. As Dr Edwards says: “The feeling of not being sexually attracted to anyone is part of a spectrum, and can affect men and women. It’s part of society’s rich tapestry of life.”

Olly Bootle is the producer/direcor of ‘Natalie Cassidy’s Real Britain: Sex’, which will broadcast on Thursday 19 March at 8pm on BBC3

Not in the mood: The facts

* According to Kinsey’s ‘Sexual Behavior in the Human Male’, 1.5 per cent of the adult male population exhibits “no socio-sexual contacts or reactions”.

* In ‘Sexual Behavior in the Human Female’, Kinsey argued that up to 19 per cent of the unmarried female population exhibited asexual behaviour or reactions.

* A study in the US found that 33.57 per cent of asexuals have problems with self-esteem.

* In 1994, a British study found that 1 per cent of people had never felt any sexual attraction to another person. The same study found that a larger proportion of women than men are asexual.

* In 1982, a survey of ‘Playboy’ magazine readers found that 2 per cent of respondents were asexual.

* Possible causes of asexuality include genetic predisposition, hormonal imbalance or childhood experiences.

* The largest asexuality group on Facebook has 585 members.

Leo Hornak

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Thank you, Olly Bootle
[info]susanphila wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 10:20 am (UTC)
This article, and I'm surmising the 'Natalie Cassidy' production, is a welcome confirmation to those of us who never put a name to it but have lived as asexuals for a long time. As a middle-aged woman who has had wonderful lovers and a husband in her lifetime, the lack of sexual impulse makes one look for a reason when there may be this far simpler explanation. It is hard to explain to your friends that you have passion for many things but sex just isn't one of them -- they are indeed mystified, not to mention quietly judgmental. While research indicates we are a minority, my guess is that this article and Bootle's production will spark a response, pushing the numbers even larger than expected. Thank you, Olly Bootle, for bringing this way of life into the open.
Re: Thank you, Olly Bootle
[info]niki_asexual wrote:
Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 09:50 pm (UTC)
hi. im niki and im the 3rd person in the documentary with andy n tessa who i've met and are cool. im glad that us doing it has brought it more into the open. olly produced the show but the idea also came from his colleague jess mckeever-gomez. i'm similar to u. i've had sex but there are so many better things that are also less time consuming! nice of you to comment anyway! niki x
Hard?
[info]xokatyxo wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 11:43 am (UTC)
I think the author of this article doth perhaps protest too much. How many times did he really need to say "we're at a loss as to how to understand it" "to not want sex at all is almost incomprehensible" "this is so hard for the rest of us to understand" "It's so unusual" "It's not easy to understand someone who claims to feel no sexual attraction towards other people" "And it all gets even harder to understand when.." etc etc? It's not THAT difficult to grasp, surely.
Re: Hard?
[info]clicking_it wrote:
Thursday, 19 March 2009 at 07:58 am (UTC)
I really do think it's that hard to understand. Like the author says, sexuality is what drives a lot of people's actions - what they wear, how they feel, even defining who they are and what they do (stupid example of one of my friends: "should i go to this college??? will I meet my future husband there???").

I have a friend who is sort of a closet asexual. She is one of the least judgmental women I know who gets along with everyone and treats everyone as a friend. I love that about her, because she doesn't judge people based off of their sexuality (how good they look, etc.) but rather truly off their personality.
[info]tonymurch wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 12:19 pm (UTC)
Each to there own, can't say I could manage without it :)
[info]niki_asexual wrote:
Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 09:51 pm (UTC)
im asexual and this is pretty much the response many of the people i have come out to have given! much better than being called weird or frigid so thanks for being open-minded!
Sex-Drives
[info]chiennoir wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 01:03 pm (UTC)
It seems to me that there are people with a high sex-drive, people with a low sex-drive, and people with no sex-drive. It's probably all down to genes.
odd
[info]vhawk1951 wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 01:18 pm (UTC)
how did this article arise? there can't be many blokes who shout their asexuality from the roof tops
Re: odd
[info]tominlondon wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 01:58 pm (UTC)
"arise" is probably the wrong word :)
Re: odd - [info]vhawk1951 - Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 02:28 pm (UTC) Expand
many famous asexuals actually
[info]wormery wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 01:42 pm (UTC)
There are many who are physically made asexual - usually due to mumps - such as P.G.Wodehouse.

There are others who need and want no sexual partner but are phsically normal - such as Salvador Dali, and Hans Christian Anderson, and many many others.

I would suggest these two conditions are not the same - and neither is a problem either.

Many people do not want the hassles and the mess of a partner - when pornography and masturbation is perfectly satisfying. Just look at all the people whose marriages destroy their lives and leave them broken - financially, mentally and physically. Many people have periods of wanting to be alone too. Not the same thing as lonely of course - and so many people are only in relationships because they theink they have to be or because they are really insecure and frightened of being alone. Or to squeeze sopke kids out of a man before divorcing him and getting him to bankroll the rest on one's life...

Perhaps, in an overcrowded world (mankind will nto survive the 21st century because of this), we should bottle asexuality and spray it on the third world?
Even in an article on asexuals, xenophobia from wormery!
[info]m_a_s_p_r wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 08:25 pm (UTC)
"...and spray it on the third world?"

And there it is once more, wormery's prejudice surfacing. How quaint, the 'first worlder' with the solution for the Malthusian catastrophe, as yet unrealised these past 200 years, passing judgement on those ignorant 'third worlders'. Of course, he won't recognise the condescending, patronising and bigoted tone of his own words. I'm just intrigued at his apparent tolerant attitude towards sexuality (but I can stand to be corrected). Bigots usually do the big THREE: race, religion & sexuality but this is a little surprising.

I'm quite sure I shall now get a treatise on birth rates worldwide now in reply. Possibly in CAPS. And the odd ad hominem insult. I'm getting the popcorn, sitting back and waiting patiently. ;-)
Re: Even in an article on asexuals, xenophobia from wormery! - [info]wormery - Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 08:39 am (UTC) Expand
...pressed the right buttons. - [info]m_a_s_p_r - Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 09:51 pm (UTC) Expand
Re: ...pressed the right buttons. - [info]wormery - Friday, 20 March 2009 at 07:26 am (UTC) Expand
Re: many famous asexuals actually - [info]ydef - Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 02:14 am (UTC) Expand
Re: many famous asexuals actually - [info]wormery - Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 08:22 am (UTC) Expand
Re: many famous asexuals actually - [info]optifog - Thursday, 19 March 2009 at 01:25 pm (UTC) Expand
How very English
[info]tominlondon wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 01:58 pm (UTC)
so "no sex please" is true.
News?
[info]jon2099 wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 02:17 pm (UTC)
I think its a tad hysterical to label this 'issue' news, or do any serious research into it and the conclusion that some people are 'just like that' would seem to back me up. Plenty of people do not see sex as important, they do not necessarily need to be classified-is someone who doesn't like golf an un-golfer? As for the chap who just doesn't seem to care about anything (golf, sex etc), how does he make a decision? If he is not bothered about ever doing things he enjoys why does he get up in the morning?
Re: News?
[info]tominlondon wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 02:31 pm (UTC)
It's just another silly "Independent" non-news article. There'll be another one tomorrow.
Re: News? - [info]niki_asexual - Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 10:19 pm (UTC) Expand
I'm like this
[info]snavej wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 02:29 pm (UTC)
Causes:
- negative experiences early in life
- enjoyment of non-sexual activities
- awareness of the pitfalls of relationships
- fear of other people
- distrust of other people's motives
- having more affection for those with whom one doesn't have sex (e.g. family)
- desire to keep one's money and goods for oneself rather than lose it to others
- weak libido
- strong self-control and sense of duty over pleasure
- worry that one's libido will not match those of partners
- general feeling that one doesn't deserve a partner
- wanting to spare others from one's bad nature
- not meeting anyone suitable
- not wanting to be part of certain unhealthy scenes (e.g. drink, drugs, damaging promiscuity)
- not wanting to lie in order to impress others
- ability to endure and enjoy solitude
- inhibition through lack of privacy in crowded areas
- desire to escape from human society somehow.

I could go on but those are the most important points.
Re: I'm like this
[info]suziesu wrote:
Sunday, 22 March 2009 at 02:54 am (UTC)
That doesn't sound like asexuality to me - it sounds like a choice of celibacy. Choosing not to have a relationship for all sorts of physical and psychological reasons is not the same as having no desire for sex like not having kids because it's too expensive is different from not having kids because you just have no desire for them.

which I bet is much rarer.
V.Interesting
[info]miggihendrix wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 02:43 pm (UTC)
Yes, very interesting. Scary actually. If you're asexual and you're not aroused by women or men, but you STILL have a sex drive (hence masturbation). What do you get aroused by??????
Re: V.Interesting
[info]jonny_socialist wrote:
Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 06:22 pm (UTC)
Fish?
Re: V.Interesting - [info]oernster - Thursday, 19 March 2009 at 02:24 am (UTC) Expand
Re: V.Interesting - [info]optifog - Thursday, 19 March 2009 at 01:34 pm (UTC) Expand
Re: V.Interesting - [info]suziesu - Sunday, 22 March 2009 at 02:55 am (UTC) Expand
Asexuality
[info]railway_bob wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 02:51 pm (UTC)
Are we not guilty of simply trying to create another category for humans ? Surely the male and female of the human race are so diametrically opposed when it comes to the sex drive, whether in potency, intensity, timing, age, needs (!) etc., that we must wonder, as we do when looking at our parents, 'how did I get here ?'.

Freedom to chose without ridicule or sniggering is what is important; not to be thought of as somehow different.
Re: Asexuality
[info]optifog wrote:
Thursday, 19 March 2009 at 01:52 pm (UTC)
The category has always existed, people just didn't always know about it, hence many unhappy relationships and marriages due to people not knowing that one partner is asexual and therefore probably never going to change, that it's not the other partner's fault, that it doesn't mean they don't love their partner or that they find them ugly etc. Plus, some of us would prefer the word 'asexual' to overtake 'frigid' which is used to hurt us and make us fear that something serious may be wrong with us or that it's something to be ashamed of somehow.
it is not a big deal...
[info]mimarkorhan wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 03:13 pm (UTC)
from my own experience...

i only had 1 relation in my life up untill now. 1 love.
and she was the only one that i wanted to have sex with.

even now when i watch something (say like Fashion TV) the though that comes to my mind or the urge i feel is not "i must have sex with her"... it is just "how lovely it would be to feel that beauty in my arms, lying naked, kissing, touching" ...

this is not something romantic nor it is the absolute that people should think... it is just the way i feel and as "SNAVEJ" (the comment "i am like this") has written some items, i also feel some of those too...
Porn
[info]sara_sense wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 03:16 pm (UTC)
The use of pornography does not equate to asexuality. This is displaying an attraction to another human being. What is mostly likely going on there is fear of intimacy or rejection or something like that.
Re: Porn
[info]wormery wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 08:22 pm (UTC)
Or perhaps you put them off sex for life Sara nonsense... Porn is way cheaper than women anyway, but then so are prostitutes, or pretty foreign sex bombs. Maybe it's just the sight of British girls waddling around stuffing their faces full of chips that has led to an outbreak of asexuality? Perhaps all males should be given free foreign holidays on the NHS to get them 'into the swing' as it were. Why not? Women get 7 times more NHS spending than men - so perhaps we need some equality eh?
"not that much closer to ... a normal, loving relationship"
[info]jothejavelin wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 05:28 pm (UTC)
Speaking as someone who was a virgin at the age of 22, and is now happily married, I feel a need to point out that whether or not a person is a virgin at any given age should not be used as an indicator of their capacity for loving relationships. Questionning a person's virginity cannot give us any useful information about their capacity for love; to do so points instead to the unhealthy obsession of media and society with sex above all else.
Huzzah!
[info]jameta4all wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 06:23 pm (UTC)
Oh thank you so much for this well-written article. Neither prejudiced, nor pandering, you've expressed both sides succinctly. Hopefully after this documentary, more people will be aware that whatever their sexuality, sex in itself does not have to rule every decision or moment.
More research needs to be done ...
[info]ydef wrote:
Tuesday, 17 March 2009 at 11:20 pm (UTC)
I think the claim of 'asexuality' would be more convincing if those that are asexual did not masterbate. This would seem the logical result of being born without any desire for sex.

I'm not saying asexuality does not exist or is impossible, only that more research in this penomenon need be done. For instance, research into asexuals that have changed their disposition on sexuality would have been useful to include in this article if it even exists. I wonder how many former asexuals that are now admittedly 'out of the closet' there are. Since it would be also interesting to know the true stats of how many asexuals were in fact abused in the past or were highly repressed homosexuals in their upbringing.

From my experience in speaking with social workers, many were shocked to learn when treating adolescents a child sexual abuse rate of about 1 in 3 kids having a history of such abuse. If such were accurate, future research should focus on the asexuality rates of former victims as well as rates amongst 'out of the closet' homosexuals that formerly claimed asexuality.
Re: More research needs to be done ...
[info]wormery wrote:
Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 08:27 am (UTC)
You seem to forget, oh snowboarding penguin boy, that although most males masturbate, not all do. Really. So your argument falls as flat as a pancake. Or a squashed fish, if you prefer Pingu boy.

1 in 3 kids have a history of abuse? CRAP. How are you defining abuse? Being shouted at by daddy? It's perception and often false memory and attention seeking. And most social workers are rather anti-male PC feminist women.

Asexuality can be cause by illness in childhood (af PGWodehouse and mumps).

But maybe some more asexuality amongst Britain's promiscious females would be a good thing, non? For it is they who say yes. They could say no...
Re: More research needs to be done ... - [info]ydef - Monday, 4 May 2009 at 03:43 pm (UTC) Expand
Re: More research needs to be done ... - [info]ydef - Monday, 4 May 2009 at 03:52 pm (UTC) Expand
Re: More research needs to be done ... - [info]optifog - Thursday, 19 March 2009 at 02:09 pm (UTC) Expand
I AM CONFUSED
[info]getgordon wrote:
Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 12:07 am (UTC)
I DO NOT KNOW IF I AM COMING OR GOING
I WENT TO SEE MY GP TO DISCUSS MY PRE-DIC-AMENT
HE SAID TO ME DO YOU LIVE IN A HOUSE
I SAID NO A CONDOM-INIUM

HE SAID ALL THIS IS VERY STRANGE TO ME
ARE YOU MARRIED? I SAID NO
HE SAID I MET MY WIFE AT COME DANCING
HE THEN SAID YOUR TIME IS UP
PLEASE COME AGAIN IN TWO WEEKS.
I'll add some comments...
[info]nosexformeplz wrote:
Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 05:33 am (UTC)
About three years ago, a friend of mine who was going through some relationship problems made a joke that I was asexual. It was an innocent comment with no harm intended, but without looking too deeply into that particular remark, I would have to say he may be right.

Lemme give some background. I was born and raised Roman Catholic - and I actually go with the 'no sex until marriage' route. Above anything else, this possibly may explain why I could be asexual. I can't say that I faced excessive fear tactics regarding promiscuous activities, but the whole celibacy worldview is definitely there.

I would have to say I'm a pretty normal guy. I make sexual jokes like any other 20 year old male. Thankfully, I haven't had any traumatic childhood experiences. Plus, I'd have to say my self-esteem is relatively high (evenly between being a recluse and d-bag). I really enjoy my privacy, but I'm quite sociable with people I know. I both independent and interdependent. I kind of fit in anywhere.

I'm definitely on the heterosexual side. I masturbate - GASP! - so there's no arguing on that one. But, I've never had a sexual attraction for any woman I've met. Some that I have grown to know over the years - well, I'd say I have a lot of respect for them, but never even close to any sexual activity.

Here are some other random comments I'll throw in.

-I'm a college student. I currently have a 4.0. So, I dedicate a lot of my time to studies. Although I have never wanted a relationship with anyone (never asked anyone out), sometimes I think that one would just get in the way. I realize how trivial that sounds - getting in the way of reading books - and I also realize that that statement is mine alone. Many people I know have great relationships! I just don't think I need one.

-While again, I would say I have a pretty high level of self-esteem, and can get along with others very well, I would say I have a larger than average personal space bubble. Not by too much, but hey.

-I'm not a party person. I'm not anti-alcohol, but I just don't really see too much point in getting s-faced and engaging in some activities I may or may not remember. We'll see if this changes when I turn 21 in two months!

Any way you look at it, I would say that even if I am asexual, you don't need to freak out or anything. One last time, I'd say I'm a pretty normal guy - just for one reason or another, I'm not up for sex. Perhaps that also could change in a few years. With or without sex, I'm having a great life, and I promise you I'll keep it that way.
Re: I'll add some comments...
[info]22lauren wrote:
Friday, 20 March 2009 at 05:07 am (UTC)
I don't think you need to be concerned with labels just yet, since you are only 20 years old. You probably just haven't met anyone who is psychologically captivating. If you are passionate about life, it really doesn't matter what everyone else is up to.
Re: I'll add some comments... - [info]yakir27127 - Friday, 20 March 2009 at 05:25 pm (UTC) Expand
good article
[info]rockyluvs2 wrote:
Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 07:07 am (UTC)
a good article from the author and i think this more of this will come forward in near future.
Workplace attitudes.
[info]kwenchin wrote:
Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 08:43 am (UTC)
I find that people at work do not like it if you don't have a girlfriend. They are concerned about what you are doing instead. This leads to lots of bullying with people making sexual "jokes" based on transsexuals, inflatable dolls, Thailand, porn industry etc.

Re: Workplace attitudes.
[info]117113 wrote:
Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 11:44 am (UTC)
Wow, wormery manages to 'worm' his way into all kinds of trouble! What a silly billy he is...
Re: Workplace attitudes. - [info]sara_sense - Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 12:45 pm (UTC) Expand
Re: Workplace attitudes. - [info]wormery - Friday, 20 March 2009 at 07:37 am (UTC) Expand
Problem
[info]kodak321 wrote:
Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 08:36 pm (UTC)
I use my partial third leg quite often. When it works I think of Goats. Am I asexual?
Re: Problem
[info]stevk wrote:
Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 10:35 pm (UTC)
Pull the udder leg.
Re: Problem - [info]spastic_kitty - Thursday, 19 March 2009 at 04:07 pm (UTC) Expand
Kinky Beast!
[info]kodak321 wrote:
Wednesday, 18 March 2009 at 11:29 pm (UTC)
stevk. Could you pull it for me? You sound like a decent type. You're a bit kinky. I'll speak to you later, naughty boy.
asexual
[info]scrip50 wrote:
Thursday, 19 March 2009 at 12:39 pm (UTC)
From someone who is asexual, a tip or two. neither gender excites me no porn! Animals fish and plants don't do it either. It's simple I have brown eyes,am right handed, blonde hair and no sexual gender preference. How hard is this to comprehend. Does everything work yes just fine, Been in relationship with both sexes. Can I orgasm yeah no problem, they occur every so often in my sleep, they feel real good, I have no dreams or fantasies associated with them. I am not horribly psychologically damaged. This is who I am. Big deal.
Asexuality
[info]scroogelady wrote:
Thursday, 19 March 2009 at 03:36 pm (UTC)
I have referred to myself as mono sexual for years......I only like myself and it saves a lot of money and hassle.
Asexuals and their world
[info]dkmeller wrote:
Friday, 20 March 2009 at 05:16 pm (UTC)
Given the enormous complications and difficulties that sexuality (whether gay or straight) introduces into personal relationships, from the presence or absence of "love" to the other person, the question of financial inducements or commitments, the anxieties over access to the desired partner or partners--such jealousy can itself destroy an otherwise good relationship--along with the expectations of "performance", regarding orgasm if female, and erection if male, among many other embarassments and difficulties, the sexually active may well envy the smoothness of life among the "asexual".

Whether inborn or chosen, their lifestyle certainly shields them from many awkward and unpleasant experiences!

A very wise man once said of sex--"the expense is damnable, the pleasure is momentary, and the position is rediculous". A bit extreme, perhaps, but his outlook here is understandable.

Good will toward men--and women,
David K. Meller
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