Millennium blues from a rebel feminist; interview: katie roiphe

The thorn in the side of America's feminist establishment is at it again, upsetting liberals with a book attacking the sexually permissive society

I meet Katie Roiphe at Cafe Lalo on New York's Upper West Side. She looks fashionably scruffy in plaid bootleg-cut pants and a camel peacoat and bears only a vague resemblance to the glamorous photograph published in a recent Harper's Bazaar magazine, along with an excerpt from her latest book, Last Night In Paradise: Sex And Morals At The Century's End. It's a slightly uncomfortable blend of autobiography and cultural criticism, reflecting Roiphe's, and by extension society's, confused and complex response to the aftermath of the sexual revolution and Aids. Roiphe seems completely unconcerned about her appearance today, in spite of the fact that she is expecting to be photographed. She wears no make-up at all and her dark curls looking distinctly untamed - if not uncombed.

She is unusual looking - by turns almost beautiful as well as almost plain, like one of those pictures that flashes another image when you tilt it slightly. The odd combination is at least as fascinating as beauty on its own. All the more so because it is as if Roiphe were the physical embodiment of the duality she expresses in her writing. She's a conservative liberal, a feminist who wants a man to take care of her, still the child who viewed the "exhilarating and tumultuous" Seventies from "the distant, disapproving, order-craving vantage point of childhood."

Roiphe first came to public attention with her 1993 polemic The Morning After: Sex, Fear, and Feminism. A critique of the feminist preoccupation with issues such as date rape and sexual harassment, the book caused considerable controversy. She now dismisses it as "obviously written by a 23-year-old. I was this young liberal woman on a college campus not believing the things that I was supposed to believe. So I wasn't a conservative and I wasn't a liberal. People in this country are very attached to those categories and if you're saying anything more complicated than that, it's hard to get across."

But she is difficult to place. She has all the accoutrements of a hip young thing in appearance and conversation, including the habit of randomly inserting the word "like" in her sentences ("The men I know are like, 'Wait a minute, a lot of the women we know are more successful than us, why do we have to pay for dinner?'"). On the other hand, she rejects much of the conventional wisdom of her generation. "How do people create morality for themselves in a world in which we no longer have the traditional social structures and taboos? How do we deal with the legacy of the sexual revolution? What is intimacy if you've slept with all these different people?" she asks. "To say you're not totally happy with sexual freedom is hard for someone in my position to do. Suddenly it seems that I am denouncing this way of life that I am supposed to want as a young person. But it's allowed people to come up to me and say that they feel the same."

It has also won her fans on the "way, way right", most notably Pat Buchanan, which seems to surprise her as much as it must appal her mother, the liberal feminist writer Anne Roiphe. And she's already had Baptist ministers trying to convert her on the radio. "They're like, 'Your book is a cry tor help! We've got a moral code for you!'" she says.

But Last Night In Paradise does seem to be a call for rules of some kind. "My mother was like, no curfew and we were allowed to have boys stay over when we were 14," she says. "When I was in high school it was almost like I wanted someone to say, 'Don't do this and this is why.'"

The "this is why" lesson was eventually provided by her older sister Emily, whose heroin addiction and subsequent testing positive for HIV is brilliantly evoked in the book's introduction. Emily didn't mind. "In my family we all accept that we're going to write about each other." It's a shame she didn't write more. Last Night In Paradise would have worked well as a memoir, using what happened in her own family as a microcosm of what has happened in society at large.

I would have liked more on Roiphe's childhood and teenage years and fewer anecdotes about groups of teenagers re-telling apocryphal Aids myths about lipstick messages scrawled on mirrors after unprotected sex with attractive strangers. As it is, the biographical details of the book are more tantalising than revealing. As Roiphe puts it: "I have a kind of flirtation with the memoir. I hint at things and don't develop them." But despite America's current obsession with literary memoirs, Roiphe was determined not to write a personal book. "I feel it's a very limited kind of writing," she says.

A memoir would have required her to draw the fine line between liberalism and the just plain carelessness of parents who allowed their teenage daughters to stay out all night, let alone have one descend into bruised-armed, unwashed, mossy-toothed drug addiction without even noticing.

But she hints. For example, in the midst of a long analysis of the movie Kids, she drops in: "One can't help wondering where the adults are while all this drinking, pot smoking and mindless sex is going on, which is something I remember wondering during my own teenage years." It remains one of many unanswered questions in the book. "Where were they, by the way?" I ask. "Well... " she hesitates before answering. "I remember one summer my parents being gone for two months or something." But she is quick to add that they were there most of the time. "They had a laissez- faire attitude towards child-rearing," she says. "But so did a lot of parents. They are only just discovering that it wasn't such a good idea after all."

And once Roiphe got to her early twenties, her mother became a lot less laissez-faire. "Now she's like, 'Stop doing books and make sure your personal relationships are in order,' even though she's this feminist. She thinks about wedding dresses and things. It's really sad," Roiphe says wryly, clearly pleased at this conventional turnaround.

It's obvious that she doesn't have any secrets from her parents, but that doesn't mean they're unshockable. In a recent article for US Esquire magazine, "The Independent Woman (And Other Lies)," Roiphe wrote of her conflicting desires to take care of herself as well as be taken care of by a man. "The man in the grey-flannel suit lives on in my imagination, perplexing, irrational, revealing of some dark and unsettling truth." It infuriated mainstream feminists, most notably her mother, who is still getting over it. "She was totally horrified," says Roiphe gleefully. How else does one rebel against liberal parents?

'Last Night In Paradise: Sex And Morals At The Century's End' is published by Little, Brown in the US

Suggested Topics
election 2015The 10 best quotes of the campaign
A caravan being used as a polling station in Ford near Salisbury, during the 2010 election
election 2015The Independent's guide to get you through polling day
David Blunkett joins the Labour candidate for Redcar Anna Turley on a campaigning visit last month
voicesWhat I learnt from my years in government, by the former Home Secretary David Blunkett
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
ebookA delicious collection of 50 meaty main courses
Life and Style
ebookNow available in paperback
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

ES Rentals

    iJobs Job Widget
    iJobs General

    Ashdown Group: Marketing Manager (B2B) - Romford - £40,000 + car

    £35000 - £40000 per annum + car and benefits: Ashdown Group: Marketing Manager...

    Ashdown Group: Helpdesk Analyst - Devon - £20,000

    £18000 - £20000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Helpdesk Analyst - Devon - £20,000 ...

    Ashdown Group: Data Scientist - London - £50,000 + bonus

    £35000 - £50000 per annum + generous bonus: Ashdown Group: Business Analytics ...

    Ashdown Group: IT Project Coordinator (Software Development) - Kingston

    £45000 - £50000 per annum: Ashdown Group: IT Project Coordinator (Software Dev...

    Day In a Page

    General Election 2015: ‘We will not sit down with Nicola Sturgeon’, says Ed Balls

    'We will not sit down with Nicola Sturgeon'

    In an exclusive interview, Ed Balls says he won't negotiate his first Budget with SNP MPs - even if Labour need their votes to secure its passage
    VE Day 70th anniversary: How ordinary Britons celebrated the end of war in Europe

    How ordinary Britons celebrated VE Day

    Our perception of VE Day usually involves crowds of giddy Britons casting off the shackles of war with gay abandon. The truth was more nuanced
    They came in with William Caxton's printing press, but typefaces still matter in the digital age

    Typefaces still matter in the digital age

    A new typeface once took years to create, now thousands are available at the click of a drop-down menu. So why do most of us still rely on the old classics, asks Meg Carter?
    Discovery of 'missing link' between the two main life-forms on Earth could explain evolution of animals, say scientists

    'Missing link' between Earth's two life-forms found

    New microbial species tells us something about our dark past, say scientists
    The Pan Am Experience is a 'flight' back to the 1970s that never takes off - at least, not literally

    Pan Am Experience: A 'flight' back to the 70s

    Tim Walker checks in and checks out a four-hour journey with a difference
    Humans aren't alone in indulging in politics - it's everywhere in the animal world

    Humans aren't alone in indulging in politics

    Voting, mutual back-scratching, coups and charismatic leaders - it's everywhere in the animal world
    Crisp sales are in decline - but this tasty trivia might tempt back the turncoats

    Crisp sales are in decline

    As a nation we're filling up on popcorn and pitta chips and forsaking their potato-based predecessors
    Ronald McDonald the muse? Why Banksy, Ron English and Keith Coventry are lovin' Maccy D's

    Ronald McDonald the muse

    A new wave of artists is taking inspiration from the fast food chain
    13 best picnic blankets

    13 best picnic blankets

    Dine al fresco without the grass stains and damp bottoms with something from our pick of picnic rugs
    Barcelona 3 Bayern Munich 0 player ratings: Lionel Messi scores twice - but does he score highest in our ratings?

    Barcelona vs Bayern Munich player ratings

    Lionel Messi scores twice - but does he score highest in our ratings?
    Martin Guptill: Explosive New Zealand batsman who sets the range for Kiwis' big guns

    Explosive batsman who sets the range for Kiwis' big guns

    Martin Guptill has smashed early runs for Derbyshire and tells Richard Edwards to expect more from the 'freakish' Brendon McCullum and his buoyant team during their tour of England
    General Election 2015: Ed Miliband's unlikely journey from hapless geek to heart-throb

    Miliband's unlikely journey from hapless geek to heart-throb

    He was meant to be Labour's biggest handicap - but has become almost an asset
    General Election 2015: A guide to the smaller parties, from the the National Health Action Party to the Church of the Militant Elvis Party

    On the margins

    From Militant Elvis to Women's Equality: a guide to the underdogs standing in the election
    Amr Darrag: Ex-Muslim Brotherhood minister in exile still believes Egypt's military regime can be replaced with 'moderate' Islamic rule

    'This is the battle of young Egypt for the future of our country'

    Ex-Muslim Brotherhood minister Amr Darrag still believes the opposition can rid Egypt of its military regime and replace it with 'moderate' Islamic rule, he tells Robert Fisk
    Why patients must rely less on doctors: Improving our own health is the 'blockbuster drug of the century'

    Why patients must rely less on doctors

    Improving our own health is the 'blockbuster drug of the century'