What your Nativity character says about you

We all know a classic shepherd

Minister wants nativity plays and Christmas concerts to go ahead (Getty/iStock)

A rite of passage for many children and a source of contention for their parents - it's primary school Nativity time once again.

Either considered a chance to shine or a necessary evil (much like sports day), the casting of the annual play can cause tensions in the classroom.

What’s more, if you don’t get the role you want, you may end up affected for life.

But the chances are you were given your character for a reason, and it’s time we accepted that.

Here’s what your school Nativity character says about you:

Mary

• Louder-than-average voice for a five-year-old
• Not averse to blue or holding hands with boys
• Parents likely to contribute to school funds in a significant way

Joseph

• Always does his homework and gets at least 9/10
• Definitely going to be a prefect
• Quite quiet but also somehow annoying
• Will grow up to found an app that will make him a millionaire

Narrator

• The one who organises all the social engagements
• Loves the sound of their own voice
• Ends up doing everything because they don’t trust anyone else to do it right
• Bossy AF

Shepherd

• Absolute LAD
• Mad for the BANTS
• Sometimes a bit naughty but really just a cry for attention
• Pretends not to enjoy wearing a tea towel on head, secretly loves it

Wise man/king

• Well-behaved, top-of-the-class type (who can be trusted with an expensive-looking prop)
• An introspection and dignity that translates to a sombre, thoughtful expression when eg presenting gifts to a baby
• Good sense of direction, ie when following stars

Donkey

• Cheeky
• Can be a bit of an ass at times
• Thinks they’re too cool to take the play seriously but secretly loves being an important part of the story

Angel in the background with no real role

• Craves attention, constantly disappointed
• Jealous of other people’s success
• Rebellious in the face of obscurity
• Capable of entertaining themselves for hours with a piece of tinsel that “fell off” the halo

First Lobster

• Very proud of their role
• Thinks that their primary role gives them an omnipotent authority over all the other lobsters present at the birth of Jesus
• Adult life likely to be plagued by the stark realisation that their casting was a matter of pragmatism rather than talent and they now have a serious seafood complex

Star

• Thinks they got the role because of their star quality
• Actually just because they’re too nervous to speak in front of mean parents
• Team player.