2 Naughty naughty! Mr Liam Gallagher has apparently been up to no good. A rather annoyed diner at The Engineer in quaint old Primrose Hill, ratted on him for playing footy with their plant pots. Er Liam, over here, on me 'ed John! Pats, I thought you'd tamed him!
2 Dreaming about lazy, hazy, crazy days in the sun? Mmm, me too! Having nightmares about yourself in that itsy bitsy bikini. I know exactly how you're feeling. Don't worry, I have the answer: plastic surgery! Just kidding. Chuck out last summer's two piece for a start and treat yourself to a stripey, knitted jobbie from the Sock Shop. At pounds 17.99 you won't upset the bank balance. Purchase as much of Kerastase's Solaire haircare products as possible, especially the Aqua protection gelee, which protects hair against sun, sea, wind etc, and smells delicious. Then pop down to the Body Shop, once you've finished drooling over the poster of the bronzed torso hanging so casually in the window, grab a bottle of their new Watermelon self-tan lotion, cover yourself from head to toe, wash your hands, wait a while, and Bob's your uncle. Forget braving the elements there's no need to go for the burn.
2 Felt the need to go north last week, to Birmingham to be exact. Why? Well, apparently, it's where all the stylish men are from. Yeah right, I thought, but they told me to go and judge for myself. Teetered on down to Miss Moneypennys, (as it's the only club up there I've heard of) in search of proof. After extensive research, I can only conclude that every man in the UK this summer should a) purchase a Hawaian shirt; b) learn to dance without their feet sticking to the carpet; c) arm themselves with a scantily clad, big-chested member of the opposite sex.
2 Sorry to bang on about Hello! magazine. But not only does it appear to curse every couple it features, it is now combining fashion with heartbreak. How beautiful did Jade Jagger look modelling little sequin outfits so casually against that sunny backdrop with new beau, Euan? Stunning, yes I think so. But how sad poor old Piers, Jade's ex, looked some weeks back, posing with delightful daughters. Still, his wit will see him through, as he is one of the most entertaining people I've met for some time (sorry to name-drop).
2 Doing weekly food shop at M&S Bayswater, as usual. (God ,what an exciting life I lead!) Bumped into fuzzy-haired Elizabeth Emanuel, she of Princess Di's wedding frock horror! I must stop lurking in the aisles. I will have to start shopping at Sainsbury's.
2 If you're thinking about spraining your ankles by wearing those dainty, strappy, high-heeled sandals that are so fashionable this summer, look no further. Carvela has the perfect pair in fleshcoloured suede to accentuate your tanned feet and painted pinkies. pounds 69. Enquiries: 0171 546 1888.Reuse content