But this is for real: the Other World Cup Trophy, a celebrity five-a-side tournament for cerebral palsy charity, BADJ. Twelve teams of comics, actors and former footballers will battle for glory.
Brazilian centre-forward Angus Deayton gave a rundown: 'Chris (Evans) is a solid full-back, Hugh (Grant) is splendid in midfield and Clive Anderson is. . . an excellent chat-show host. A lot of us are unfit, a bit short on pace and have no understanding of the offside rule. So it should be similar to watching England.'
Comedic input off the pitch comes from elaborate opening and trophy-giving ceremonies, as well as roving reporters interviewing the stars between games. There's a raffle, a giant barbecue and celebrity signings are promised. And if it all gets too much, there's always the bouncy castle.
The Other World Cup, 11am, Sunday 6 June, Hurlingham Park, SW6 (071-916 1984). pounds 6.50/pounds 3.50. Under-5s get in free.
Albania (disqualified due to lack of players): Alexei Sayle
Brazil: Angus Deayton, Chris Evans, Martin Buchan (ex-Man United), Jonathan Ross
England: KYTV, including Phil Pope, ex-Crystal Palace manager Steve Coppell (ex-Crystal Palace), Michael Fenton Stevens, Geoffrey Perkins
Scotland: The team from 'Absolutely'
Wales: Arthur Smith and Chris England ('An Evening with Gary Lineker'), Tony Hawks, Alistair McGowan
Norway: Tony Hadley (ex-Spandau Ballet), Justin Curry (Del Amitri), Dave Besant (Southampton), Peter Hillyer (ex-Status Quo).
Argentina: Hugh Grant, Andy Taylor, Nicholas Clay, Patrick Robison ('Casualty'), Simon Dutton
Holland: The cast of 'Drop the Dead Donkey'
Colombia: The cast of London's Burning
Italy: The cast of 'EastEnders', including Ian Reddington
USA: David Baddiel and Frank Skinner ('Fantasy Football League')
Ireland: Sean Hughes, Bob Mortimer, Owen O'Neill
Northern Ireland: Nicky Campbell and Steve Lamacq (Radio 1), Willie Morgan (ex-Man United)
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