why are they famous?

MAIN CLAIM: Skilfully managing to look at a camera while embracing her boyfriend, John Major's son. This week, Emma has announced her engagement, and explained "the excitement of her romance" to Hullo! magazine. What about the excitement of her new publicist, vastly enhanced career prospects and daily photo opportunities? Emma and fiancee are instant Nineties-style micro-celebs, suddenly an inescapable presence at awards ceremonies, photo shoots and wherever else the tabloids hang out. Oh, the joys of cut-the- dotted-line celebrity - see also Della "Anthea's Rival" Bovey, Maureen the crap driver, and Tara T-P. There's a new one born every fortnight.

MAJOR CHANCE: Back to the beginning: Emma, a minor TV presenter and former topless model, canoodled with a former Prime Minister's son she'd only been dating two-and-a-half weeks, in full range of serried ranks of shutter- happy paparazzi at a celebrity-laden bash for the Bafta Awards. Emma had no idea, you see, that groping Major, a lad three years her junior, would be of any interest to anyone. "We didn't think anyone would recognise James," she explained. "But it all went horribly wrong." A chance camera angle caught Emma, though oblivious to the storm of tungsten invading her private moment, accidentally smouldering prettily into the lens while a loving James rested his chin on her bare shoulder. "We were totally shocked," elaborated Emma.

LITTLE STAR: Emma grew up in Sidcup, where she still lives with her parents in an end-of-terrace house. On fiancee James: "We're very much in love," she says. "We have lots of deep conversations." James has bought her a Barbie doll. Emma has five wardrobes.

FAME PROSPECTS: "It's very difficult for me to understand why anyone could think all this is a publicity stunt." says Emma. Since appearing on the arm of James Major, she has also appeared on TFI Friday, and enjoyed a cover shoot for the Sunday Times. She is now negotiating a show of her own. Oh, and getting married. Many, many congratulations, Emma.