Why are they famous? Mary Pierce
Sunday 29 June 1997
Appearance: Sadistic junior hockey mistress at a boys' grammar school ball. Leni Riefenstahl protagonist. Candia McWilliam (glamour novelist) meets Zodiac (striding Gladiator).
Girl Power: In the era of muscly old dykes with iron-curtain names, the press had no choice but to get into a pretend lather about Gabriela Sabatini. This was replaced by the soporific limbo of Sanchez Vicario, Martinez, Huber etc. Seles was good value for off-court poses, giggles and grunts, but she was stabbed. Now, thank the Lord, there are some glamour girls pouting up the rankings to dampen our yawns: beaming infant prodigies, black Americans with beaded hair and Russians in pigtails. But Pierce, with her problem father (see below), her rumoured liaison with Seal, and but one measly Grand Slam title to her name, is top soap queen.
Sins of the Father: Too numerous to mention. Jim Pierce went for verbal haranguing and physical mistreatment to mould his little princess into a murderous ball-bashing machine. He is now forbidden from the court. See also: the father of Steffi Graf, imprisoned on a charge of tax evasion, and the mother of number one seed Martina Hingis, who named her poor prodigy after a great tennis champion, pre-empting the careers officer's talk by 17 years.
Fame Prospects: Pierce needs to win the odd tournament. Alternatively, she could develop an orgasmic groan instead of a Seles-style grunt. Or she could set up a PR company with Liz Hurley and Caprice Bourret, her only rivals in the fame-and-frocks equation.
Life & Style blogs
How Stephen Hawking is still alive, defying ALS and the worst expectations
The black and blue dress: Makers considering a white and gold version
The remarkable archaeological underwater discovery that could open up a new chapter in the study of European and British prehistory
Mother's Day 2015: When is it – and how did it first come about?
Children warned to not listen to music for more than one hour a day
New theory could prove how life began and disprove God
Half of Ukip voters say they are prejudiced against people of other races
This is what it's like to be dead, according to a guy who died for a bit
'Cash for access' scandal: Sir Malcolm Rifkind says 'unrealistic' for MPs to live on £67,000 salary
'Jihadi John': CAGE representative storms off Sky News accusing Kay Burley of Islamophobia
Aqsa Mahmood branded a 'disgrace' by her parents after claims she recruited three UK girls flying to Middle East
- 1 Forget 'The Dress': Here are five of the biggest news stories you might have missed
- 2 The black and blue dress: Makers considering a white and gold version
- 3 PornHub turns masturbation into energy in bid to save the planet
- 4 The remarkable archaeological underwater discovery that could open up a new chapter in the study of European and British prehistory
- 5 MH370: 'Putin ordered plane to be flown to Kazakhstan space port,' conspiracy theory claims
£9 per hour: Recruitment Genius: This role is based within a small family run ...
£28000 - £32000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This Design and marketing agenc...
£46000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This property investment firm are lookin...
£18000 - £35000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This company specialises provid...