MAIN CLAIM: Famous-for-being-famous wife of famous-for-being-ridiculous footballer. Shezza Gazza is the sometime spouse of the sobbing, wife-battering, kebab-eating professional carouser and football player Paul "Gazza" Gascoigne. Though currently divorcing the dubious icon whose fame she has so effectively appropriated, Sheryl considerately sheltered Gazza when he was spurned for the World Cup team. She has now been seen out with a new flame: a rugby-playing forklift driver who, according to his ex-girlfriend, "likes his sex, his beer and his women". Plus ca change, Shezza.

APPEARANCE: Barbie's glamourous aunt in her glamourous bungalow featuring swimming pool, walk-in wardrobe and vicious dogs. Tamara Beckwith turned hard-hoofing, orange-tanned Balearic disco slapper.

MODEL WIVES: Think Marla Maples. Think Debbie McGee. Think Stacey Young. Micro-celebs whose posing is licensed by the existence of singularly unappealing but publicly-known husbands. Usually referred to as an "ex-model", our Shezza, 33, now poses where models not exactly overburdened with work find refuge: namely, Hello! magazine and Isabell Kristensen charity shows. "I always want to make the best of myself," explains the platinum-tressed beauty.

RAGS TO RICHES: Sheryl Gazza, nee Failes, was a single mother with a failed marriage when she met Mr Gazza in the inevitable wine bar. "When I met Paul, my first reaction to him was curiosity," she comments. Stick with your instincts, girl. They married in 1996. The marriage crumbled shortly thereafter. She lives in somewhere called Stanstead Abbots in Hertfordshire, with offspring smartly named Bianca, Mason and Regan. Gazza admitted to beating Sheryl up for two years, mainly because "she wasn't paying me enough attention, so I thought she didn't love me. I've been a violent bastard and a coward."

FAME PROSPECTS: Shezza has finely-turned instincts for when to keep her mouth shut, and when to model in a charity show. She could go far. We recommend opening a bricks-and-palms restaurant in Goffs Oak, or catching David Beckham the second time round.