MAIN CLAIM: Mrs Fergie. Susan Barrantes is in the strange position of having given birth to the woman considered the scourge of our nation. Now her Fergieness Senior, 60, has brought out a book about the noble game of polo, The Sport of Kings. A family of letters, then. Remember Ronald Ferguson's seminal autobiography, The Galloping Major? And let us not overlook Fergie's own sensitive study in the confessional genre, My Life.

APPEARANCE: Fine-boned, air-brushed, made-over Fergie miniature created for the Franklin Mint.

FAMILY VALUES: The mother of the royal albatross had a start in life that would not seem to augur troublesome progeny, a scandalous spouse or a life coralling ponies in the pampas. The niece of Viscount Powerscourt, whoever that may be, Susan was reputedly a society beauty. Unfortunately, she married Prince Charles' polo manager, Major Ronald Ferguson, the least discreet royal lackey in history. After the break-up of her 18-year marriage, Susan upped and married another polo geezer called Hector Barrantes. Quiz: who would make a more exciting marriage prospect, Hector from an Argentinian estancia, or Ronald of Dummer, Hampshire?

SUPER GRAN: Susan is amusingly and charmingly dubbed "Granny II" since Fergie's kids's other gran is, well, the Queen. No doubt the Queen prefers to be addressed as "Nana". Susan resides in El Pucara, the Argentinian ranch she shared with the late Hector, and has plans to open it to the public. She also plans to start a stud farm in her late husband's name. A worthy memorial for a man.

SUPER DAUGHTER: Susan on Fergie: "She's looking fabulous, she's lost some weight, she's busy working and she's got lots of character. She's practically a superwoman." A few things have changed recently, then.

FAME PROSPECTS: Now that Fergie's gallivanting around America exploring her feelings about the in-laws with touching frankness, the superwoman of our times has become pretty au fait with the art of the sound-bite. Thus, by association, Susan Barrantes has many years ahead of her to explain her polo-related activities to Hello! That's about it. Time for another chukka, senor.