yesterday was a ...

Good Day for elephants, as the Oriental Insurance Co in New Delhi launched a new policy specifically tailored for pachyderms. For a premium of 1,000 rupees (pounds 20), an elephant is covered for a cremation fee of 25,000 rupees (pounds 500), or a pounds 50 tranquillisation cost if it runs amok.

Bad Day for pigeon control, as the town of Viterbo, Italy, brought in a peregrine falcon to help chase away the birds whose droppings have damaged ancient monuments. Unfortunately the plans have had to be delayed because the falcon was killed by a dog belonging to its trainers.

Generous Day for Rudolph Giuliani, mayor of New York, who was told by Mother Teresa that she wanted more parking spaces in his city for her nuns. "I would give Mother Teresa anything she wanted," the mayor said. "She wants parking spaces, she gets parking spaces."

Clean Day for Malaysian toilets, as the Education Minister, Najib Abdul Razak, announced plans for students to clean lavatories and collect rubbish as part of a project to teach them the importance of cleanliness.