Simon English: Hunt for sense in weird world of Artemis ISA ads

 

Outlook It's ISA season, which means fascinating newspaper supplements that are a real treat to read and loads of bizarre adverts.

Advertisements for fund managers flogging individual savings accounts can only be one of two things it seems: weird or boring.

Firmly in the weird category are the Profit Hunter ads from investment management house Artemis. They've been running for years, but are getting stranger with time.

The idea behind the campaign is that the Artemis experts roam further afield than rivals in search of profits. Indiana Jones-like characters are pictured stalking big game in far away places.

Let's allow that bringing an esoteric concept such as stock-picking to life is not easy. That granted, Artemis, named for the Greek goddess of hunting, is sending odd messages here.

I asked a rival fund manager the other day if I was alone in finding Artemis confusing. His response:

1. Rather than roaming the world like an armed vagrant, shouldn't a professional fund manager know where to find profits?

2. If "The range of the Profit Hunter grows ever wider" does this mean that Artemis is finding it increasingly difficult to track down decent profits?

3. Does "Today's hunters cover huge distances" sound efficient or inefficient?

4. Why are profits depicted in the shape of an extinct flying dinosaur?

5. Why, in the case of the desert location, is the hunter there in the first place? Deserts are deserted. The clue is in the name. It is a silly place to go hunting.

6. Isn't the point about a professional hunter that he knows his terrain? Professional hunters don't suddenly discover they are in the wrong place and there is nothing to hunt.

7. In many of the illustrations (which include the hunter in a hot air balloon, a sea plane, on a canoe in rapids, on a snow mobile in the mountains), his rifle is not to hand. So even if he chances across a pterodactyl he's not in any position to shoot it.

8. What are the chances of hitting anything with a rifle from a canoe that looks like it is about to capsize?

9. If you were a pterodactyl and had just had a low-flying seaplane come over would you stick around?

The Artemis ads are presumably deemed to work. What this says about retail investors is probably not flattering.

s.english@independent.co.uk

PROMOTED VIDEO
News
ebooksAn evocation of the conflict through the eyes of those who lived through it
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Money & Business

AIFMD Business Analyst / Consultant - Investment Management

£450 - £600 per day: Harrington Starr: AIFMD Business Analyst / Consultant - I...

Business Analyst Solvency II SME (Pillar 1, 2 & 3) Insurance

£450 - £600 per day: Harrington Starr: Business Analyst Solvency II SME (Pilla...

Manager - SAS - Data Warehouse - Banking

£350 - £365 per day: Orgtel: Manager, SAS, Data Warehouse, Banking, Bristol - ...

SQL DBA/Developer

£500 per day: Harrington Starr: SQL DBA/Developer
 SQL, C#, VBA, Linux, SQL Se...

Day In a Page

Middle East crisis: We know all too much about the cruelty of Isis – but all too little about who they are

We know all too much about the cruelty of Isis – but all too little about who they are

Now Obama has seen the next US reporter to be threatened with beheading, will he blink, asks Robert Fisk
Neanderthals lived alongside humans for centuries, latest study shows

Final resting place of our Neanderthal neighbours revealed

Bones dated to 40,000 years ago show species may have died out in Belgium species co-existed
Scottish independence: The new Scots who hold fate of the UK in their hands

The new Scots who hold fate of the UK in their hands

Scotland’s immigrants are as passionate about the future of their adopted nation as anyone else
Culture Minister Ed Vaizey: ‘lack of ethnic minority and black faces on TV is weird’

'Lack of ethnic minority and black faces on TV is weird'

Culture Minister Ed Vaizey calls for immediate action to address the problem
Josephine Dickinson: 'A cochlear implant helped me to discover a new world of sound'

Josephine Dickinson: 'How I discovered a new world of sound'

After going deaf as a child, musician and poet Josephine Dickinson made do with a hearing aid for five decades. Then she had a cochlear implant - and everything changed
Greggs Google fail: Was the bakery's response to its logo mishap a stroke of marketing genius?

Greggs gives lesson in crisis management

After a mishap with their logo, high street staple Greggs went viral this week. But, as Simon Usborne discovers, their social media response was anything but half baked
7 best quadcopters and drones

Flying fun: 7 best quadcopters and drones

From state of the art devices with stabilised cameras to mini gadgets that can soar around the home, we take some flying objects for a spin
Andy Murray: I quit while I’m ahead too often

Andy Murray: I quit while I’m ahead too often

British No 1 knows his consistency as well as his fitness needs working on as he prepares for the US Open after a ‘very, very up and down’ year
Ferguson: In the heartlands of America, a descent into madness

A descent into madness in America's heartlands

David Usborne arrived in Ferguson, Missouri to be greeted by a scene more redolent of Gaza and Afghanistan
BBC’s filming of raid at Sir Cliff’s home ‘may be result of corruption’

BBC faces corruption allegation over its Sir Cliff police raid coverage

Reporter’s relationship with police under scrutiny as DG is summoned by MPs to explain extensive live broadcast of swoop on singer’s home
Lauded therapist Harley Mille still in limbo as battle to stay in Britain drags on

Lauded therapist still in limbo as battle to stay in Britain drags on

Australian Harley Miller is as frustrated by court delays as she is with the idiosyncrasies of immigration law
Lewis Fry Richardson's weather forecasts changed the world. But could his predictions of war do the same?

Lewis Fry Richardson's weather forecasts changed the world...

But could his predictions of war do the same?
Kate Bush asks fans not to take photos at her London gigs: 'I want to have contact with the audience, not iPhones'

'I want to have contact with the audience, not iPhones'

Kate Bush asks fans not to take photos at her London gigs
Under-35s have rated gardening in their top five favourite leisure activities, but why?

Young at hort

Under-35s have rated gardening in their top five favourite leisure activities. But why are so many people are swapping sweaty clubs for leafy shrubs?
Tim Vine, winner of the Funniest Joke of the Fringe award: 'making a quip as funny as possible is an art'

Beyond a joke

Tim Vine, winner of the Funniest Joke of the Fringe award, has nigh-on 200 in his act. So how are they conceived?