Motoring: My Worst Car: Dave Courtney's Mark I Ford Mustang

IT ALL started when I sent a mate to the car auctions with four hundred quid. He could buy anything provided it had a tow bar. You see, I was going to collect, or should I say nick, a speedboat that afternoon.

Sure enough he came back with a tow-barred car. But what a car - a bright yellow mark 1 Mustang with four bald tyres and an exhaust full of holes. Normally I wouldn't mind something flash, but the job I had in mind needed a little more subtlety.

But there was nothing we could do, so we set off up the A11 to Norfolk.

I thought it would be nice to have some fresh air and started to wind back the sunroof, not a good idea at 80mph. The wind caught it and ripped the canvas right off.

Then it started to rain. I had to slow down because the combination of bald tyres and rumbling V8 engine was pretty lethal. That meant we got wet. It was cold and the heater refused to work.

There was an eight track sound system, which sadly did work. In it was a cartridge containing The Four Seasons Greatest Hits, and that's all it played. I tried to dig it out with a screwdriver, but that only made it stick even more. I tell you what though, I knew "Cherie Baby" by heart by the time we got to the Broads.

I was pretty miserable by the time we got to the coast. I was cold and wet, and driving a big yellow tank that sounded like a 747 taking off had given me earache. Anyway, we found the boat we were after, hooked it up and started back to London.

At first we thought it was a bloody heavy boat. We didn't realise until it was too late that the brake on the trailer had been left on. After four miles it pulled the back of the Mustang's chassis off. We had to dump the Mustang and trailer at the side of the road and catch a train home.

Dave Courtney is `a legend in south London criminal circles'. His autobiography, `Stop the Ride I Want to Get Off', is published by Virgin at pounds 16.99. He was talking to James Ruppert

Start your day with The Independent, sign up for daily news emails
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Money & Business

Recruitment Genius: Retirement Coordinator - Financial Services

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: To provide a prompt, friendly and efficient se...

Recruitment Genius: Annuities / Pensions Administrator

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: You will be the first point of contact for all...

Ashdown Group: HR, Payroll & Benefits Officer - Altrincham - up to £24,000.

£18000 - £24000 per annum + benefits: Ashdown Group: HR, Payroll & Benefits Of...

Ashdown Group: Learning and Development Programme Manager

£35000 - £38000 per annum + benefits : Ashdown Group: A highly successful, int...

Day In a Page

The saffron censorship that governs India: Why national pride and religious sentiment trump freedom of expression

The saffron censorship that governs India

Zareer Masani reveals why national pride and religious sentiment trump freedom of expression
Prince Charles' 'black spider' letters to be published 'within weeks'

Prince Charles' 'black spider' letters to be published 'within weeks'

Supreme Court rules Dominic Grieve's ministerial veto was invalid
Distressed Zayn Malik fans are cutting themselves - how did fandom get so dark?

How did fandom get so dark?

Grief over Zayn Malik's exit from One Direction seemed amusing until stories of mass 'cutting' emerged. Experts tell Gillian Orr the distress is real, and the girls need support
The galaxy collisions that shed light on unseen parallel Universe

The cosmic collisions that have shed light on unseen parallel Universe

Dark matter study gives scientists insight into mystery of space
The Swedes are adding a gender-neutral pronoun to their dictionary

Swedes introduce gender-neutral pronoun

Why, asks Simon Usborne, must English still struggle awkwardly with the likes of 's/he' and 'they'?
Disney's mega money-making formula: 'Human' remakes of cartoon classics are part of a lucrative, long-term creative plan

Disney's mega money-making formula

'Human' remakes of cartoon classics are part of a lucrative, long-term creative plan
Lobster has gone mainstream with supermarket bargains for £10 or less - but is it any good?

Lobster has gone mainstream

Anthea Gerrie, raised on meaty specimens from the waters around Maine, reveals how to cook up an affordable feast
Easter 2015: 14 best decorations

14 best Easter decorations

Get into the Easter spirit with our pick of accessories, ornaments and tableware
Paul Scholes column: Gareth Bale would be a perfect fit at Manchester United and could turn them into serious title contenders next season

Paul Scholes column

Gareth Bale would be a perfect fit at Manchester United and could turn them into serious title contenders next season
Inside the Kansas greenhouses where Monsanto is 'playing God' with the future of the planet

The future of GM

The greenhouses where Monsanto 'plays God' with the future of the planet
Britain's mild winters could be numbered: why global warming is leaving UK chillier

Britain's mild winters could be numbered

Gulf Stream is slowing down faster than ever, scientists say
Government gives £250,000 to Independent appeal

Government gives £250,000 to Independent appeal

Donation brings total raised by Homeless Veterans campaign to at least £1.25m
Oh dear, the most borrowed book at Bank of England library doesn't inspire confidence

The most borrowed book at Bank of England library? Oh dear

The book's fifth edition is used for Edexcel exams
Cowslips vs honeysuckle: The hunt for the UK’s favourite wildflower

Cowslips vs honeysuckle

It's the hunt for UK’s favourite wildflower
Child abuse scandal: Did a botched blackmail attempt by South African intelligence help Cyril Smith escape justice?

Did a botched blackmail attempt help Cyril Smith escape justice?

A fresh twist reveals the Liberal MP was targeted by the notorious South African intelligence agency Boss