Motoring: My Worst Car: Dave Courtney's Mark I Ford Mustang

IT ALL started when I sent a mate to the car auctions with four hundred quid. He could buy anything provided it had a tow bar. You see, I was going to collect, or should I say nick, a speedboat that afternoon.

Sure enough he came back with a tow-barred car. But what a car - a bright yellow mark 1 Mustang with four bald tyres and an exhaust full of holes. Normally I wouldn't mind something flash, but the job I had in mind needed a little more subtlety.

But there was nothing we could do, so we set off up the A11 to Norfolk.

I thought it would be nice to have some fresh air and started to wind back the sunroof, not a good idea at 80mph. The wind caught it and ripped the canvas right off.

Then it started to rain. I had to slow down because the combination of bald tyres and rumbling V8 engine was pretty lethal. That meant we got wet. It was cold and the heater refused to work.

There was an eight track sound system, which sadly did work. In it was a cartridge containing The Four Seasons Greatest Hits, and that's all it played. I tried to dig it out with a screwdriver, but that only made it stick even more. I tell you what though, I knew "Cherie Baby" by heart by the time we got to the Broads.

I was pretty miserable by the time we got to the coast. I was cold and wet, and driving a big yellow tank that sounded like a 747 taking off had given me earache. Anyway, we found the boat we were after, hooked it up and started back to London.

At first we thought it was a bloody heavy boat. We didn't realise until it was too late that the brake on the trailer had been left on. After four miles it pulled the back of the Mustang's chassis off. We had to dump the Mustang and trailer at the side of the road and catch a train home.

Dave Courtney is `a legend in south London criminal circles'. His autobiography, `Stop the Ride I Want to Get Off', is published by Virgin at pounds 16.99. He was talking to James Ruppert

Start your day with The Independent, sign up for daily news emails
PROMOTED VIDEO
ebooks
ebooksA year of political gossip, levity and intrigue from the sharpest pen in Westminster
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Money & Business

Recruitment Genius: Web Developer - PHP

£16500 - £16640 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This fast growing Finance compa...

Ashdown Group: Client Services Manager - Relationship Management - London

£30000 - £32000 per annum + benefits : Ashdown Group: A highly successful, int...

Recruitment Genius: Credit Controller / Customer Service

£18000 - £20000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This rapidly expanding business...

Guru Careers: In-House / Internal Recruiter

£25 - 28k + Bonus: Guru Careers: An In-house / Internal Recruiter is needed to...

Day In a Page

Woman who was sent to three Nazi death camps describes how she escaped the gas chamber

Auschwitz liberation 70th anniversary

Woman sent to three Nazi death camps describes surviving gas chamber
DSK, Dodo the Pimp, and the Carlton Hotel

The inside track on France's trial of the year

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, Dodo the Pimp, and the Carlton Hotel:
As provocative now as they ever were

Sarah Kane season

Why her plays are as provocative now as when they were written
Murder of Japanese hostage has grim echoes of a killing in Iraq 11 years ago

Murder of Japanese hostage has grim echoes of another killing

Japanese mood was against what was seen as irresponsible trips to a vicious war zone
Syria crisis: Celebrities call on David Cameron to take more refugees as one young mother tells of torture by Assad regime

Celebrities call on David Cameron to take more Syrian refugees

One young mother tells of torture by Assad regime
The enemy within: People who hear voices in their heads are being encouraged to talk back – with promising results

The enemy within

People who hear voices in their heads are being encouraged to talk back
'In Auschwitz you got used to anything'

'In Auschwitz you got used to anything'

Survivors of the Nazi concentration camp remember its horror, 70 years on
Autumn/winter menswear 2015: The uniforms that make up modern life come to the fore

Autumn/winter menswear 2015

The uniforms that make up modern life come to the fore
'I'm gay, and plan to fight military homophobia'

'I'm gay, and plan to fight military homophobia'

Army general planning to come out
Iraq invasion 2003: The bloody warnings six wise men gave to Tony Blair as he prepared to launch poorly planned campaign

What the six wise men told Tony Blair

Months before the invasion of Iraq in 2003, experts sought to warn the PM about his plans. Here, four of them recall that day
25 years of The Independent on Sunday: The stories, the writers and the changes over the last quarter of a century

25 years of The Independent on Sunday

The stories, the writers and the changes over the last quarter of a century
Homeless Veterans appeal: 'Really caring is a dangerous emotion in this kind of work'

Homeless Veterans appeal

As head of The Soldiers' Charity, Martin Rutledge has to temper compassion with realism. He tells Chris Green how his Army career prepared him
Wu-Tang Clan and The Sexual Objects offer fans a chance to own the only copies of their latest albums

Smash hit go under the hammer

It's nice to pick up a new record once in a while, but the purchasers of two latest releases can go a step further - by buying the only copy
Geeks who rocked the world: Documentary looks back at origins of the computer-games industry

The geeks who rocked the world

A new documentary looks back at origins of the computer-games industry
Belle & Sebastian interview: Stuart Murdoch reveals how the band is taking a new direction

Belle & Sebastian is taking a new direction

Twenty years ago, Belle & Sebastian was a fey indie band from Glasgow. It still is – except today, as prime mover Stuart Murdoch admits, it has a global cult following, from Hollywood to South Korea