Motoring: My Worst Car: Dave Courtney's Mark I Ford Mustang

IT ALL started when I sent a mate to the car auctions with four hundred quid. He could buy anything provided it had a tow bar. You see, I was going to collect, or should I say nick, a speedboat that afternoon.

Sure enough he came back with a tow-barred car. But what a car - a bright yellow mark 1 Mustang with four bald tyres and an exhaust full of holes. Normally I wouldn't mind something flash, but the job I had in mind needed a little more subtlety.

But there was nothing we could do, so we set off up the A11 to Norfolk.

I thought it would be nice to have some fresh air and started to wind back the sunroof, not a good idea at 80mph. The wind caught it and ripped the canvas right off.

Then it started to rain. I had to slow down because the combination of bald tyres and rumbling V8 engine was pretty lethal. That meant we got wet. It was cold and the heater refused to work.

There was an eight track sound system, which sadly did work. In it was a cartridge containing The Four Seasons Greatest Hits, and that's all it played. I tried to dig it out with a screwdriver, but that only made it stick even more. I tell you what though, I knew "Cherie Baby" by heart by the time we got to the Broads.

I was pretty miserable by the time we got to the coast. I was cold and wet, and driving a big yellow tank that sounded like a 747 taking off had given me earache. Anyway, we found the boat we were after, hooked it up and started back to London.

At first we thought it was a bloody heavy boat. We didn't realise until it was too late that the brake on the trailer had been left on. After four miles it pulled the back of the Mustang's chassis off. We had to dump the Mustang and trailer at the side of the road and catch a train home.

Dave Courtney is `a legend in south London criminal circles'. His autobiography, `Stop the Ride I Want to Get Off', is published by Virgin at pounds 16.99. He was talking to James Ruppert

Start your day with The Independent, sign up for daily news emails
ebooks
ebooksA celebration of British elections
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Money & Business

Ashdown Group: Trainee Consultant - Surrey/ South West London

£22000 per annum + pension,bonus,career progression: Ashdown Group: An establi...

Ashdown Group: Trainee Consultant - Surrey / South West London

£22000 per annum + pension,bonus,career progression: Ashdown Group: An establi...

Recruitment Genius: Claims Administrator

£16000 - £18500 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is an excellent opportunit...

Recruitment Genius: Senior SEO Executive

£24000 - £28000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: A Senior SEO Executive is requi...

Day In a Page

Fishing for votes with Nigel Farage: The Ukip leader shows how he can work an audience as he casts his line to the disaffected of Grimsby

Fishing is on Nigel Farage's mind

Ukip leader casts a line to the disaffected
Who is bombing whom in the Middle East? It's amazing they don't all hit each other

Who is bombing whom in the Middle East?

Robert Fisk untangles the countries and factions
China's influence on fashion: At the top of the game both creatively and commercially

China's influence on fashion

At the top of the game both creatively and commercially
Lord O’Donnell: Former cabinet secretary on the election and life away from the levers of power

The man known as GOD has a reputation for getting the job done

Lord O'Donnell's three principles of rule
Rainbow shades: It's all bright on the night

Rainbow shades

It's all bright on the night
'It was first time I had ever tasted chocolate. I kept a piece, and when Amsterdam was liberated, I gave it to the first Allied soldier I saw'

Bread from heaven

Dutch survivors thank RAF for World War II drop that saved millions
Britain will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power - Labour

How 'the Axe' helped Labour

UK will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power
Rare and exclusive video shows the horrific price paid by activists for challenging the rule of jihadist extremists in Syria

The price to be paid for challenging the rule of extremists

A revolution now 'consuming its own children'
Welcome to the world of Megagames

Welcome to the world of Megagames

300 players take part in Watch the Skies! board game in London
'Nymphomaniac' actress reveals what it was really like to star in one of the most explicit films ever

Charlotte Gainsbourg on 'Nymphomaniac'

Starring in one of the most explicit films ever
Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi: The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers

Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi

The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers
Vince Cable interview: Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'

Vince Cable exclusive interview

Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'
Iwan Rheon interview: Game of Thrones star returns to his Welsh roots to record debut album

Iwan Rheon is returning to his Welsh roots

Rheon is best known for his role as the Bastard of Bolton. It's gruelling playing a sadistic torturer, he tells Craig McLean, but it hasn't stopped him recording an album of Welsh psychedelia
Morne Hardenberg interview: Cameraman for BBC's upcoming show Shark on filming the ocean's most dangerous predator

It's time for my close-up

Meet the man who films great whites for a living
Increasing numbers of homeless people in America keep their mobile phones on the streets

Homeless people keep mobile phones

A homeless person with a smartphone is a common sight in the US. And that's creating a network where the 'hobo' community can share information - and fight stigma - like never before