Pembroke: Electronic party's over

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DESPITE HIS hopes that staff at Bloomberg, the financial information service, would 'act as normal' during his fortnight's holiday, it's more likely that those working under Stuart L Bell, head of the London office, are doing the conga round the premises. A recent memo reveals that Mr Bell has been ferreting through the office electronic mail (email) system and not liking what he found. 'The message function on our system was designed for enhancing our business communication. It is not a party line or personal chat device,' he complains.

'I am extremely upset with the amount of crap that flies around this office via email . . . I know now who takes their job seriously and who is only kidding us and themselves. The use of email for personal reasons is a waste of time and the attitudes expressed may be meant to impress your mates but it certainly doesn't impress me.' Offenders are advised to clean up their act or find another place to work.

AND IT'S NOT only chatty staff who are under pressure in Bloomberg's London office, but other office fauna too. 'We have new fishtank people,' the workers have been told. 'They will be replacing the old ones (fish, one assumes) with what we hope will be much more exciting ones.'

STRANGE TO tell, we learn that the reference book most often consulted in the John Lewis Partnership's library proves to be Debrett's Correct Form. The explanation can only lie with all those enquiries from staff at Peter Jones, the Temple of Sloane, who can't sleep comfortably until they've boned up on the correct way to tell a Duke that his twenty pound note is a fake.

ANYONE who hoped to see an impressive surfeit of blue- blooded board directors at The Telegraph's extraordinary general meeting was, in the main, disappointed. Admittedly, nine of the directors - including Lord Carrington - managed to get down to Canary Wharf, but another 11 baulked at the trip through London's nether regions. Those detained by matters more pressing were Sir Frank Rogers, deputy chairman, Viscount Camrose, Rupert Hambro, Lord Hartwell, Sir Martin Jacomb, Henry Keswick, Lord King, Sir Evelyn de Rothschild and the Hon Adrian Berry.

A JOKE WHIRLS through the City: 'Have you heard that the Grand National organisers are trying to get Group 4 Security to sponsor next year's race in an effort to guarantee that the horses get clean away?'