Gimme 5, says Murdoch At least that's what he'll be saying soon. Call me a crazy conspiracy theorist ...

Channel 5's first week was so utterly underwhelming it leaves me wondering just one thing - when exactly is it going to be absorbed into the Murdoch empire?

It surely can't be too long before Rupert is riding to the rescue of this pathetic fledgling network and being hailed as a white knight by The Sun and whoever that paper's new hero Tony Blair appoints as his Minister of Fun.

Call me a crazy conspiracy theorist but I am increasingly convinced that David Elstein, the ex-BSkyB programming boss who became C5's chief executive, will soon be working again for his old Australian-American master. And that he will be able do this without relinquishing the reins of Channel 5.

Murdoch clearly perceives a role for Britain's last terrestrial TV network in his masterplan for global media domination, as witnessed by the way in which those twin pillars of his Wapping froth factory, The Sun and The Sunday Times, have been plugging the new network.

Both these papers published glossy curtain-raising 5 magazines last weekend. Rather strange when you remember that a large percentage of their readers aren't able to receive Channel 5. And stranger still when you recall that Channel 5 is competing for audiences and advertising with Murdoch's own cable and satellite service.

Clearly, relations are already quite cosy between Channel 5 Broadcasting and Murdoch's BSkyB, as further evidenced by the fact that they have submitted a joint bid to operate a teletext service on the new network.

As Media+ has already suggested, Sky Five Text could prove the harbinger of a much bigger corporate alliance between these two enterprises. Interestingly, this bold suggestion was not challenged by Mr Elstein in a rather subdued letter to this newspaper. Instead, Channel 5's super-intelligent supremo calmly reminded readers of The Independent that "Rupert Murdoch runs a successful twin terrestrial-satellite strategy in the US".

Indeed he does, David. And that is plainly what he is bent on pursuing in Britain.

Murdoch is poised to enter the fringes of terrestrial TV through BSkyB's stake in British Digital Broadcasting, the powerful consortium that is hot favourite to secure the digital terrestrial multiplexes currently up for grabs from the ITC. Sky's involvement in BDB initially puzzled some media pundits who couldn't fathom why Murdoch was simultaneously backing both digital terrestrial and digital satellite.

Why do supposedly cool-headed "analysts' imagine that Murdoch has a sentimental attachment to satellite dishes? The truth is he would tear down every single one of these unsightly contraptions in the land if it suited him. Like any smart capitalist, his goal is market domination and he'll pursue that goal through every available broadcast delivery platform.

Murdoch took the more expensive route of constructing a satellite empire in the mid-Eighties only because traditional analogue TV was blocked off to him in this country. His papers threw their weight behind Margaret Thatcher throughout her decade in power because she gave him his first big break in British broadcasting.

Murdoch is also doubtless relishing the prospect of payback time from Tony Blair. And, make no mistake, he will be recompensed for swinging The Sun behind New Labour so enthusiastically and so early in this marathon election campaign. Blair already has his sights set on a second term and keeping The Sun on side will be an important element in his re-election strategy. (Alastair Campbell is probably already working on it.)

The incoming Labour government will loosen the current cross-media ownership restrictions introduced not long ago by the Major administration and create, in effect, a free-for-all for expansionist media conglomerates. Murdoch wouldn't be the only beneficiary in the short term. The Mirror Group would also be able to realise its goal of owning an ITV station outright under such circumstances. But there would be one real winner in the long run - Rupert Murdoch.

If Channel 5 were absorbed into the Murdoch empire - and this could be achieved without outright ownership - the Dirty Digger would become the undisputed heavyweight champ of sports programming in Britain. With a terrestrial network in his armoury, Murdoch would be able to deliver a knock-out punch to those awkward politicians who insist that the crown jewels of British sport should remain available to all.

Wimbledon and the FA Cup etc would remain free to air - on his Channel 5. Or they would be until the Murdoch press had engendered the political atmosphere in which it was possible to transfer them to pay-per-view satellite services.

Live and exclusive sports coverage has been central to Sky's success to date. If Britain's fifth terrestrial TV station is to become a major force in British broadcasting it, too, will require this "battering ram".

No one understands this better than David Elstein. One of the few things he is proud of among Channel 5's early offerings is the rugby/soccer double bill he has lined up for 31 May. On that day C5 will achieve much more than a 5 per cent audience share when it screens the Poland vs England match followed by Argentina vs England.

Just think what "Two Brains" Elstein will be able to do when he has Murdoch's millions to play with again.