1. Phone hacking was the work of one rogue reporter, News International told us. Which of the following preposterous excuses have also been given?
A We can't show the police our emails because they got lost in India.
B Rebekah Brooks knows nothing about hacking because she was on holiday.
C James Murdoch personally signed a £780,000 cheque for a hacking victim without knowing it was a widespread practice.
D There is no evidence of phone hacking because the Wapping office dog ate it all.
2. Enoch Powell said all politicians' careers end in failure, but is it also true of press barons? Pin the scandal on the magnate:
A Spent the pension fund before mysterious plunge to his death.
B Spent the company's money and sentenced to five years, though still maintains his innocence.
C Pioneer of the popular press, reputation tainted by enthusiastic support of Hitler.
D Closed a 168-year-old newspaper to save the chief executive, who then resigned anyway.
3. Rebekah Brooks said "there's worse to come". What could this be?
A Kate Middleton is a News International secretary working undercover in a sting operation that has got seriously out of hand.
B Rebekah Brooks is a News International secretary working undercover as a chief executive in an operation that has got seriously out of hand.
C The Great Train Robbery happened when attempts to intercept the mail of Coronation Street stars to find stories got seriously out of hand.
D News International is a wholly owned subsidiary of S.M.E.R.S.H.
4. You suspect your phone has been hacked. Do you?
A Wait for the police to inform you, though this might take five years.
B Sit tight and hope your voicemail messages weren't interesting enough to make the papers.
C Take your lead from Boris Johnson, and mysteriously say it's no big deal and you don't plan to take any action.
D Take your lead from Gordon Brown and say it's an outrage, even though you've known about it for four years and had Rebekah Brooks over for a pyjama party.
5. Fighters, not quitters. Match the quote to the limpet:
1. John Yates 2. Andy Hayman 3. James Murdoch 4. Rupert Murdoch
A "When I hear something going wrong, I insist on it being put right."
B "I can absolutely say that any hint that I am in their back pocket is unfounded."
C "If I have unwittingly misled this Committee ... then that is a matter of regret."
D "The [NOTW] made statements to Parliament without being in the full possession of the facts. This was wrong."
6. With friends like these... Rebekah Brooks has friends in high places. Which of these friends said what last week:
1. Elisabeth Murdoch 2. David Cameron 3. Rupert Murdoch 4. James Murdoch 5. Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal
A "I would have taken her resignation."
B "She's my priority."
D "She can be proud of many accomplishments as an executive."
D "She has fucked the company."
E "For sure she has to go, you bet she has to go."
7. The tide has turned against Rupert Murdoch. How do we know?
A He was turned away from the River Café.
B David Cameron hasn't let him in the back door, or even the front, of Downing Street all week.
C Vince Cable is crowing that he was right to wage war on Murdoch.
D Bryony Gordon doesn't fancy him: she described his legs being "splayed like drumsticks hewn from an anaemic battery hen".
8. Phone hacking is one of the biggest scandals in modern British history, but some of the characters seem familiar. Can you tell which News International-related figure these famous faces remind us of?
Charles II – with his tumbling locks, he ruled a hedonistic court, but his reign ended suddenly.
Young Mr Grace – old and tired, he's the frugal and absent-minded owner of the department store in Are You Being Served?
Iggle Piggle – the BBC teddy who always bounces back.
Frankie Boyle – fierce-tempered man in glasses, strongly criticised for errors of judgement but carries on regardless.
Inspector Clouseau – the blundering copper easily manipulated by darker forces.
Nicole Kidman – strong-jawed blonde Australian who doesn't suffer fools.
9. Rupert Murdoch will be questioned by a Commons select committee this week. What will he be asked?
A Do you know what day it is?
B Can you name the Prime Minister?
C Does your yacht have round-the-clock lifeguard support?
D Truth or dare?
10. The lost front pages. Just think of all the stories we won't read about, now that journalists can't hack phones to land scoops. Here we imagine what might have been:
A DAVE'S COKE SHAME
B CLEGG: I SLEPT WITH ALL 30 AT ONCE
C QUEEN KATE: I WISH I'D BEEN AN AIR HOSTESS
D HARRY FINDS GOD
Important notice: Product recall
Readers will remember the offer on our pages last week of a cut-out-and-keep "wig of invincibility", modelled on the flame tresses of the then News International chief executive Rebekah Brooks. We believed our product could protect its wearer from the sack. After all, Ms Brooks had somehow clung on after lashing up all round on the phone-hacking affair, including losing the boss a fortune as share prices crashed. However, it seems the red curls lacked the magical powers we attributed to them, as – belatedly – she had to fall on her sword anyway. Please accept our sincere (and timely) apologies.
Answers 1) All except D 2) A – 2; B – 1; C – 3; D – 4 3) B 4) A 5) A – 4; B – 2; C – 1; D – 3 6) A – 2; B – 3; C – 4; D – 1; E – 5 7) All four answers are correct 8) Charles II – Rebekah Brooks; Young Mr Grace – Rupert Murdoch; Iggle Piggle – Les Hinton; Frankie Boyle – James Murdoch; Inspector Clouseau – Andy Hayman; Nicole Kidman – Elisabeth Murdoch 9) Nobody knows