Take a letter. Oh, and buy my mistress a present

Jack Nicholson made his arrange dates for him. And as for Mary Archer... Who'd be a PA, asks Sonia Purnell reports that the lot of the celebrity PA is rarely an easy one

Mary Archer may have been able to dismiss her husband's imprisonment for perjury with typically stylish froideur, but she could find it much harder to dispel the image of a demanding, cheapskate employer that is fast emerging from the industrial tribunal on the sacking of her former PA.

Jane Williams, who worked for Lady Archer for more than 13 years – and was runner-up in the PA of the Year competition – has been spilling the beans on her employer in devastating style. Revelations of "insulting" gifts to the PA Lady Archer once called her "second skin" allegedly ranged from an inch of flat champagne to a fake Calvin Klein watch and a ring with three diamonds missing. All rather embarrassing for the scientist and businesswoman famously described by a High Court judge as "fragrant".

Other high-profile figures, from industrialists to pop stars, live in such terror of similar humiliating allegations from disgruntled staff that almost all now insist on cast-iron confidentiality contracts. But this has not prevented some bitter disputes between celebrity and PA spilling out into the open – affording we mere mortals a glimpse of the often dysfunctional lifestyles behind their carefully constructed images.

The true nature of Naomi Campbell's tortured private life came out in her much-publicised problems with two former PAs. One accused the supermodel of throwing her against a lift door, although she was then arrested over blackmail allegations that were later dropped. Another sued Ms Campbell over her treatment, including claims that she had been beaten with a telephone, punched and slammed against a wall. The dispute was settled by the model.

While that behaviour may be extreme, even the recruitment agencies specialising in finding PAs for "personalities" warn of the pitfalls of the job. People in the public eye can be "spoilt, egocentric, selfish, opinionated and have an over- inflated sense of their own importance", says Amanda Fone of Pathfinders Recruitment. "Expect the worst and then if you work for someone vaguely normal count yourself lucky."

One leading industrialist insists that his PA works in the cupboard under the stairs in his glossy and spacious mansion. She is only allowed out to go to the loo or if he calls her. Yet this well educated and very presentable woman attends his drinks parties and other hospitality events to ensure all goes smoothly when he needs her to. "That attitude is quite common," says an experienced senior PA.

Others tell of the times they have been woken at 3am and asked to hunt for their boss's make-up bag or take the dog for a walk. The PA's role can be a cross between personal aide and general skivvy, and no task is deemed too demeaning. The boss of a leading City firm frequently instructs his highly qualified personal assistant to arrange childcare for his mistress, sometimes delivering the little boy's pyjamas to a friend's house for a sleepover. Both the fashion designer Stella McCartney and the actor Jack Nicholson have got their PAs to arrange dates.

"At the same time there is an expectation that the PA should be able to perform miracles," says Stella Walker of Handle Recruitment. Tables at The Ivy, theatre tickets and Concorde flights – all must be arranged at a click of the fingers.

Some high-flying bosses are more appreciative than others – the newsreader Trevor MacDonald is known for being nice to his PAs, who stay with him for years. And the maid of honour at Joan Collins' wedding to Percy Gibson earlier this year was her PA from the time when she was starring in Dynasty.

Madonna is known for changing her PA as often as her hairstyle while the former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell sacked hers after rumours of a bitter rift, even though they were old schoolfriends.

Yet the employer is also very vulnerable. "PAs know everything about their bosses, including what colour underwear they wear," says Amanda Fone. That is why loyalty, discretion and honour are among the employer's top priorities.

PAs also often have access to their boss's accounts and credit cards, and allegations of embezzlement are common. The actress Kate Hudson got embroiled in an ugly dispute with a former PA over claims that she had embezzled $40,000 in expenses, first-class upgrades, hotel suites, massages, facials and shopping binges. The PA counter-sued for slander and wrongful termination of employment.

The Duchess of York was particularly unlucky, as her former PA is now a convicted murderer after being found guilty of killing her boyfriend. Before she was dismissed, Jane Andrews apparently began to dress like her employer and developed a manner so grand that the Duchess referred to her as Lady Jane.

Sometimes, however, the PA/boss relationship blossoms into friendship. The former Conservative minister and mayoral candidate Steve Norris has worked with Patricia Gurnett for over 12 years.

Even when Mr Norris nearly lost his job in 1993 when stories about his five mistresses appeared in the tabloids, Ms Gurnett remained devoted to him. When he was a minister, they would work through the night on constituency business because he was too busy during the day. She was even trusted to make up quotes on his behalf for the press. They have grown so close that they are said to have started to resemble each other.

Other politicians have grown close to their PAs in different ways. The London mayor Ken Livingstone has set up home with his PA Emma Beal, who is now expecting his first child.

Tabloid life: fast and furious

Susie Webster was PA to Kelvin MacKenzie, editor of 'The Sun' in 1985 when the paper was at the peak of its powers in Thatcherite Britain. Lured from a staid, backroom job on a broadsheet newspaper, she felt some trepidation when she first started work for Mr MacKenzie. The air was thick with four-letter words, and he was loud, raucous and hyper-critical of his staff. Mistakes were not tolerated; he expected his office to be run faultlessly. She is now a nurse.

"I greatly admired Kelvin MacKenzie. He wanted the best and had huge energy and a very fast brain. If you were good at your job he really valued you.

"I found his sense of humour hilarious and I gave as good as I got. People think he's misogynist but he treated me like one of the lads, with the same colourful language.

"He could get very cross about something, and then defuse the tension by saying something very funny. Somehow he just made you want to do your best for him. He was very encouraging."

Mr MacKenzie kept a firm line between his professional and personal lives, and Ms Webster was never asked to perform duties involving his family.

"I didn't work for him for very long, but when I left he bought champagne, got people together and made a great fuss. I'd work for him again like a shot."

Band aide: their every wish

Lyane Worsfold, from New Zealand, has been PA to Status Quo for four years, looking after the band on tour.

Her day begins an hour before waking the group's lead singer, Francis Rossi, right, at 10.30am. She will have made sure that fresh fruit, particularly his favourite lemons, has been sent to his room to make freshly blended juice.

She then stocks the tour bus with everything they need: "They want for nothing, I make sure they don't pine for anything."

Worsfold also makes sure they always arrive at their next destination before 2.30pm, when the group likes to eat lunch. Favourite dishes will always be provided to pre-empt "nasty surprises, and avoid going out of what we call 'the bubble' – thinking too much about anything except performing." She also makes sure that particular pieces of gym equipment are kept on the bus, as Rossi likes to work out before going on stage "to wake him up".

While Status Quo are performing, she repacks the bus, and as soon as they come off stage shows them on to the vehicle where she wraps them in robes and towels.

They eat supper on board. She calls ahead to the hotel, checks in for them from the bus, and makes sure they have everything they require. She is often up well after they have retired.

"I am the woman who does. I do their thinking for them, and keep their spirits high on the road."