The Famous Five: Return to Kirrin - with lashings of Lagavulin!

TV firm Twofour plans to recreate the Famous Five books, with the central characters as grown-ups and with a descendant of Timmy the dog. ' The Independent on Sunday' has seen a script:

Summer Holidays: It was the end of term, and most parents at Gaylands school were anticipating the hols. "Blow!" sulked Dick. Childcare was dashed difficult with his partner away and the nanny laid off. He called cousin George, his eyes shining at her deep voice and the puff of her pipe. "Be a sport and come to Kirrin Cottage," she implored. "Rather!" said Dick.

All Together Again: How splendid to be at Kirrin, now mad Uncle Quentin was in a nuthouse and Aunt Fanny had run off with a pirate. "Lashings of Château Mouton Rothschild!" slurred Julian. "Whatever," muttered Dick's children. George showed the adults to their rooms, grinning above her stiff collar and braces. "This is the lodger," she said, indicating a tall man with piercing eyes. Son of Timmy growled.

An Exciting Discovery: Next morning, something beastly. A thief had stolen Dick Junior's iPod and PS3! George flexed her steel-toecapped boots. "Hallo – what's this?" interrupted Dick, as a wall panel slid away. There was a tunnel, from which Julian withdrew a bottle of Lagavulin. "I say," he mumbled. "Bad show."

A Ghastly Afternoon: Anne was crying. This had happened a lot since she went missing and was found working as a lap dancer. Just then, the lodger ran from the house carrying a large satchel. "If Anne starts to say anything, kick her under the table," said Julian. "I'm going to follow him!"

A Terrible Revelation: "Gosh!" blustered Julian, who was hiding in a gorse bush. There was the lodger kissing Dick! And they had sold the children's toys to buy cocaine! "Wait till I tell George," Julian thought. Back at Kirrin, Anne was binge-eating and George looked fierce. "Sod this," she said. "I'm off to spend the hols with my toyboy lover Justin Timberlake." "Woof!" said Son of Timmy.