Sport on TV: There's no chance of Warne's legs breaking under the strain

Shane Warne is half the man he was.

England's cricket is so good at the moment, he would struggle to get in the team even if, after swapping the barbecue for the Barbie doll, he no longer struggles to get into a pair of elasticated slacks. It was different when he was in his pomp, of course, but now it's all about sex appeal rather than lbw appeal, and his twirly stuff is done in front of Liz Hurley's mirror. As for warm-up stretches, those would be for his face.

As the England tail-enders were destroying India's bowlers on the fourth morning at Trent Bridge (Sky Sports 1, Monday), the spin legend reverted to his old self. "You could have a side order of French fries with his bowling, and some garlic bread," he said. "Hold the Caesar salad and give me a big plate because I want to help myself at the buffet." You could almost hear his stomach rumbling.

During the lunch interval, his glamorous paramour may have been on the phone to remind him of his diet. After Jimmy Anderson had dismissed VVS Laxman with a ball that went like a leg-break, he called the delivery "a jaffa, a peach...what a cherry!". Not a pizza delivery any more, but at least he didn't mention the goji-berry shakes.

Shane's last game may have been a massive payday with the Indian Premier League last winter but right now he looks like he has been travelling around India in his gap year. If the gaps are growing wider, however, the cracks aren't showing in his punditry. The same may not be true of Mark Ramprakash, whose brooding good looks looked darker and more sinister when he presented the Verdict in the Sky Sports studio on Sunday night.

The previous day, he had become the first batsman in England for 48 years to be given out for obstructing the field while playing for Surrey at Cheltenham, and he was given a one-match ban by his county for showing "serious dissent" to the umpires over their adjudication. By the next day he was making Bob Willis look like the happiest man in the world.

They were discussing the furore about the India captain MS Dhoni's decision to call back Ian Bell during the tea interval. He had rather cruelly run Bell out while the batsman wandered out of his ground in search of a brew and a biscuit. It was the umpires, not Bell or Dhoni, who came in for scrutiny by Ramprakash – not that he had an axe to grind, though by the look of him he may have had one under the desk.

Because Bell had left the playing arena he should have been beyond recall, but the officials allowed him to resume his innings. "The trouble is," muttered Ramps, "do the umpires go on common sense or do they bend the rules?" Presumably it was a goodwill gesture from the umpires, but he could only see the dark side. He ranted on: "Do they bend the rules when Harbhajan Singh gets an inside edge [for an lbw] in Broad's hat-trick? Everyone in the ground thought he got an inside edge."

Fair enough, but if everyone knew, then surely England should have called Harbhajan back. Perhaps they would have done if it had been after the Bell incident, although Stuart Broad would definitely not have been happy. Ramprakash, of course, likes to interpret the laws strictly, but there's no need to make a song and dance about it. The men in white will be coming for him shortly.

Voices
On the last day of campaigning before the polling booths open, the SNP leader has written to voters in a final attempt to convince them to vote for independence
scotland decidesIs a huge gamble on oil keeping First Minister up at night?
Arts and Entertainment
Rosalind Buckland, the inspiration for Cider with Rosie died this week
booksBut what is it like to be the person who inspires a classic work of art?
Life and Style
techApple has just launched its latest mobile operating software – so what should you do first?
News
A male driver reverses his Vauxhall Astra from a tow truck
newsThe 'extremely dangerous' attempt to avoid being impounded has been heavily criticised
PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
News
ebooksAn unforgettable anthology of contemporary reportage
Arts and Entertainment
Lionel Messi in action for Barcelona
filmSo what makes the little man tick?
Arts and Entertainment
tvReview: An undercooked end (spoiler alert)
News
i100
Arts and Entertainment
Pharrell dismissed the controversy surrounding
musicThe singer said 'the last thing I want to do is degrade'
Sport
Cesc Fabregas celebrates his first Chelsea goal
footballChelsea vs Schalke match report
Arts and Entertainment
Toby Jones (left) and Mackenzie Crook in BBC4’s new comedy The Detectorists
tvMackenzie Crook's 'Detectorists' makes the hobby look 'dysfunctional', they say
Life and Style
fashion

Olympic diver has made his modelling debut for Adidas

News
i100
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Media

Head of Marketing - London

£60000 - £85000 per annum: Ashdown Group: Interim Head of Marketing / Marketin...

IT Application Support Engineer - Immediate Start

£28000 per annum: Ashdown Group: IT Software Application Support Analyst - Imm...

Digital Project Manager

£25 - 30k: Guru Careers: A Digital Project Manager is needed to join an exciti...

Paid Search Analyst / PPC Analyst

£24 - 28k + Benefits: Guru Careers: We are seeking a Paid Search Analyst / PPC...

Day In a Page

Mystery of the Ground Zero wedding photo

A shot in the dark

Mystery of the wedding photo from Ground Zero
His life, the universe and everything

His life, the universe and everything

New biography sheds light on comic genius of Douglas Adams
Save us from small screen superheroes

Save us from small screen superheroes

Shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D are little more than marketing tools
Reach for the skies

Reach for the skies

From pools to football pitches, rooftop living is looking up
These are the 12 best hotel spas in the UK

12 best hotel spas in the UK

Some hotels go all out on facilities; others stand out for the sheer quality of treatments
These Iranian-controlled Shia militias used to specialise in killing American soldiers. Now they are fighting Isis, backed up by US airstrikes

Widespread fear of Isis is producing strange bedfellows

Iranian-controlled Shia militias that used to kill American soldiers are now fighting Isis, helped by US airstrikes
Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Topshop goes part Athena poster, part last spring Prada

Shoppers don't come to Topshop for the unique
How to make a Lego masterpiece

How to make a Lego masterpiece

Toy breaks out of the nursery and heads for the gallery
Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Meet the ‘Endies’ – city dwellers who are too poor to have fun

Urbanites are cursed with an acronym pointing to Employed but No Disposable Income or Savings
Paisley’s decision to make peace with IRA enemies might remind the Arabs of Sadat

Ian Paisley’s decision to make peace with his IRA enemies

His Save Ulster from Sodomy campaign would surely have been supported by many a Sunni imam
'She was a singer, a superstar, an addict, but to me, her mother, she is simply Amy'

'She was a singer, a superstar, an addict, but to me, her mother, she is simply Amy'

Exclusive extract from Janis Winehouse's poignant new memoir
Is this the role to win Cumberbatch an Oscar?

Is this the role to win Cumberbatch an Oscar?

The Imitation Game, film review
England and Roy Hodgson take a joint step towards redemption in Basel

England and Hodgson take a joint step towards redemption

Welbeck double puts England on the road to Euro 2016
Relatives fight over Vivian Maier’s rare photos

Relatives fight over Vivian Maier’s rare photos

Pictures removed from public view as courts decide ownership
‘Fashion has to be fun. It’s a big business, not a cure for cancer’

‘Fashion has to be fun. It’s a big business, not a cure for cancer’

Donatella Versace at New York Fashion Week