News Monkey

THINGS TO DO IN DENVER. The National Rifle Association wanted to hold their convention in Denver, which they rightly thought was a gun kind of place. Now a scheduling conflict with a high school massacre has put the NRA and its chairman, Charlton Heston, in a tight spot. Fortunately they have a solution; the good news is that it involves even more guns. In a TV interview Mr Heston called for the arming of teachers, and helpfully suggested a comprehensive ban on trenchcoats in schools.

TORY PARTY. The Conservatives celebrated a big election victory last week, albeit one that happened in 1979. As part of the show, Margaret Thatcher and Edward Heath ended their 20-year feud by standing close to each other during a photocall. The question is, why? Neither could have any reason to stop hating the other, and one begins to suspect that at least one Madame Tussaud's-style effigy was used to achieve the effect. Later, Thatcher said some not quite unflattering things about Heath, which must have called for more hi-tech computer wizardry. They can do anything nowadays.

BIG FIVE ZERO. Nato looks set to commemorate 50 years of being the world's most butt-kickin' military alliance with nothing more than a quiet little ground war. There was no time for high fives at the big summit shindig in America this weekend, where all the talk was of what constitutes the sort of "semi-permissive" environment that Nato ground forces thrive in, and how many TV stations we have to bomb to achieve it.

WOODHEAD WITCH HUNT. You have to love Chris Woodhead. Okay, you don't have to, but it might help your final grade. Jokes like that might have been acceptable in a 1975 Bristol staff room, but this continual probing into the past of the Chief Inspector of Schools is nothing more than a witch hunt by his enemies. All he said was that relationships between teachers and sixth-formers could be "educative and experiential". He didn't say "and I oughta know".

MANDELSON LETTERS. Now that students are studying Earl Spencer's Diana eulogy, it's only a matter of time before they're given the correspondence of Peter Mandelson and Tony Blair. Schoolgirls in particular will relate to the melodrama of lines like "I felt greatly let down by you this morning, and embarrassed", and the letters remain an example of one basic rule of correspondence: Always Keep a Copy For Your Records.

PRINCE ON PORN. Last week Prince Philip spoke out against internet pornography. He may not seem uniquely qualified, but in this case it's probably a good thing that he has no idea what he's talking about - one hates to think where his research into the problem might have led him.

Jacqueline Bisset has claimed that young women today are obsessed with being 'hot', rather than 'charming', 'romantic' or 'beautiful'
New Zealand fly-half Aaron Cruden pictured in The Zookeeper's Son on a late-night drinking session
Liam Payne has attacked the media for reporting his tweet of support to Willie Robertson and the subsequent backlash from fans
peopleBut One Direction star insists he is not homophobic
Arts and Entertainment
A bit rich: Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey
tvSeries 5 opening episode attracts lowest ratings since drama began
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
ebooksAn unforgettable anthology of contemporary reportage
Arts and Entertainment
Ben Affleck stars as prime suspect Nick Dunne in the film adaptation of Gone Girl
filmBen Affleck and Rosamund Pike excel in David Fincher's film, says Geoffrey Macnab
Arts and Entertainment
Lena Dunham
booksLena Dunham's memoirs - written at the age of 28 - are honest to the point of making you squirm
Life and Style
fashionThe supermodel on her career, motherhood and Cara Delevingne
Life and Style
A new app has been launched that enables people to have a cuddle from a stranger
techNew app offers 'PG alternative' to dating services like Tinder
Greg Dyke insists he will not resign as Football Association chairman after receiving a watch worth more than £16,000 but has called for an end to the culture of gifts being given to football officials
Arts and Entertainment
Jake Quickenden sings his heart out in his second audition
tvX Factor: How did the Jakes - and Charlie Martinez - fare?
premier league
Frank Lampard and his non-celebration
premier leagueManchester City vs Chelsea match report from the Etihad Stadium
Arts and Entertainment
Rachel, Chandler and Ross try to get Ross's sofa up the stairs in the famous 'Pivot!' scene
Arts and Entertainment
'New Tricks' star Dennis Waterman is departing from the show after he completes filming on two more episodes
tvOnly remaining original cast-member to leave crime series
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Maths Teacher

£85 - £125 per day: Randstad Education Chester: Job Opportunity for Secondary ...

C# Developer - West Sussex - permanent - £40k - £50k

£40000 - £50000 Per Annum + excellent benefits package: Clearwater People Solu...

SQL Report Analyst (SSRS, CA, SQL 2012)

£30000 - £38500 Per Annum + 25 days holiday, pension, subsidised restaurant: C...

Project Manager (infrastructure, upgrades, rollouts)

£38000 - £45000 Per Annum + excellent benefits package: Clearwater People Solu...

Day In a Page

A roller-coaster tale from the 'voice of a generation'

Not That Kind of Girl:

A roller-coaster tale from 'voice of a generation' Lena Dunham
London is not bedlam or a cradle of vice. In fact it, as much as anywhere, deserves independence

London is not bedlam or a cradle of vice

In fact it, as much as anywhere, deserves independence
Vivienne Westwood 'didn’t want' relationship with Malcolm McLaren

Vivienne Westwood 'didn’t want' relationship with McLaren

Designer 'felt pressured' into going out with Sex Pistols manager
Jourdan Dunn: Model mother

Model mother

Jordan Dunn became one of the best-paid models in the world
Apple still coolest brand – despite U2 PR disaster

Apple still the coolest brand

Despite PR disaster of free U2 album
Scottish referendum: The Yes vote was the love that dared speak its name, but it was not to be

Despite the result, this is the end of the status quo

Boyd Tonkin on the fall-out from the Scottish referendum
Manolo Blahnik: The high priest of heels talks flats, Englishness, and why he loves Mary Beard

Manolo Blahnik: Flats, Englishness, and Mary Beard

The shoe designer who has been dubbed 'the patron saint of the stiletto'
The Beatles biographer reveals exclusive original manuscripts of some of the best pop songs ever written

Scrambled eggs and LSD

Behind The Beatles' lyrics - thanks to Hunter Davis's original manuscript copies
'Normcore' fashion: Blending in is the new standing out in latest catwalk non-trend

'Normcore': Blending in is the new standing out

Just when fashion was in grave danger of running out of trends, it only went and invented the non-trend. Rebecca Gonsalves investigates
Dance’s new leading ladies fight back: How female vocalists are now writing their own hits

New leading ladies of dance fight back

How female vocalists are now writing their own hits
Mystery of the Ground Zero wedding photo

A shot in the dark

Mystery of the wedding photo from Ground Zero
His life, the universe and everything

His life, the universe and everything

New biography sheds light on comic genius of Douglas Adams
Save us from small screen superheroes

Save us from small screen superheroes

Shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D are little more than marketing tools
Reach for the skies

Reach for the skies

From pools to football pitches, rooftop living is looking up
These are the 12 best hotel spas in the UK

12 best hotel spas in the UK

Some hotels go all out on facilities; others stand out for the sheer quality of treatments