Sunday 25 April 1999
TORY PARTY. The Conservatives celebrated a big election victory last week, albeit one that happened in 1979. As part of the show, Margaret Thatcher and Edward Heath ended their 20-year feud by standing close to each other during a photocall. The question is, why? Neither could have any reason to stop hating the other, and one begins to suspect that at least one Madame Tussaud's-style effigy was used to achieve the effect. Later, Thatcher said some not quite unflattering things about Heath, which must have called for more hi-tech computer wizardry. They can do anything nowadays.
BIG FIVE ZERO. Nato looks set to commemorate 50 years of being the world's most butt-kickin' military alliance with nothing more than a quiet little ground war. There was no time for high fives at the big summit shindig in America this weekend, where all the talk was of what constitutes the sort of "semi-permissive" environment that Nato ground forces thrive in, and how many TV stations we have to bomb to achieve it.
WOODHEAD WITCH HUNT. You have to love Chris Woodhead. Okay, you don't have to, but it might help your final grade. Jokes like that might have been acceptable in a 1975 Bristol staff room, but this continual probing into the past of the Chief Inspector of Schools is nothing more than a witch hunt by his enemies. All he said was that relationships between teachers and sixth-formers could be "educative and experiential". He didn't say "and I oughta know".
MANDELSON LETTERS. Now that students are studying Earl Spencer's Diana eulogy, it's only a matter of time before they're given the correspondence of Peter Mandelson and Tony Blair. Schoolgirls in particular will relate to the melodrama of lines like "I felt greatly let down by you this morning, and embarrassed", and the letters remain an example of one basic rule of correspondence: Always Keep a Copy For Your Records.
PRINCE ON PORN. Last week Prince Philip spoke out against internet pornography. He may not seem uniquely qualified, but in this case it's probably a good thing that he has no idea what he's talking about - one hates to think where his research into the problem might have led him.
Oscar Pistorius trial: Paralympian sick again after photographs of Reeva Steenkamp's body are shown in court
Missing Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370: US pushes search towards vast expanse of the Indian Ocean
Seth Rogen compiles list of all the celebrities he’s got high with
Oscar Pistorius trial: Photographs of Paralympian splattered in blood shown in court
Missing Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370: Focus shifts west as Indian Ocean becomes latest search area for the aircraft and its passengers
Katie Hopkins continues campaign to become Britain's most hated talking head with poorly timed Bob Crow tweet
No EU referendum under Labour: Ed Miliband to reveal that vote on membership is ‘unlikely’ in next Parliament if party wins power
Grace Dent: Who cares if she spells it Barraco Barner? Gemma Worrall is more employable than some bookish arts graduate
Europeans have ‘got whiter’ due to natural selection in past 5,000 years, scientists say
Fracking is turning the US into a bigger oil producer than Saudi Arabia
The rise of Ukip: Study warns Labour that Eurosceptic party's electoral base now 'more working class than any of the main parties'
- 1 Is your name now 'banned' in Saudi Arabia?
- 2 Tony Benn meets Ali G: Watch Labour veteran burn Sacha Baron Cohen
- 3 Women do experience two different types of orgasm, study reveals
- 4 Istanbul protesters take 'Ellen selfie' from the back of a police van
- 5 Lady Gaga has struggled with eating disorders in the past, so it's indefensible that she's glamourising bulimia in her SXSW set
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