Diary: Who'll protect the little ones from Claire Perry's potty mouth?

The Tory MP Claire Perry has been the driving force behind a campaign against online pornography. "As a mother with three children I know how difficult it is to keep children from seeing inappropriate material on the internet," she once told the Commons.

Yet this is the same MP who had to apologise to the Speaker John Bercow because when she was frustrated about not being called to speak in a debate, she wondered aloud whether she needed to give him a blow job.

And as a loyal Government supporter, she was so angered on another occasion by the remarks of the anti-EU Tory Douglas Carswell she suggested he should "f**k off and join UKIP".

And this weekend Perry had to be told to mind her language while being interviewed about the banking crisis on Radio 5 Live's breakfast show. She described the culture inside the banks as one of "big swinging dicks".

Parents everywhere will soon be wondering how to protect their little ones from the graphic sexual imagery of Ms Perry.

Cameron steals Osborne's best lines

It must have been galling for George Osborne to have to wait until almost five o'clock yesterday afternoon before he could begin his report to the Commons on the banking scandal, and even more annoying that his Downing Street neighbour had stolen his best lines.

David Cameron, who went first on the grounds of seniority, was supposedly reporting on last week's EU summit, but tacked a bit on to the end of his prepared statement, in which he trailed the main points of what Osborne was going to say later. With a large contingent of Eurosceptic MPs behind him, dissatisfied with his vague promise of a referendum on Britain's EU membership, the Prime Minister needed a diversion, even if it threatened to knock his colleague off the top of the news bulletins.

Serving the people: nice work if you can get

Last month, the Lincolnshire Echo highlighted the case of Sara Cliff, a Tory councillor who had pocketed £23,000 for attending 19 county council meetings, more than £1,200 a meeting. It sounds generous, but actually it is quite modest compared with the contribution of Stephen Padmore, a Labour councillor from New Cross, in south-east London, who has turned up to two meetings in the past 12 months, for which he received £9,812 in allowances. That is nearly £5,000 a meeting. "Councillor Padmore's pay per meeting rivals that of most city bankers," a fellow councillor told the local free sheet, News Shopper.

Second best in the Olympic salmon stakes

Lance Forman, former President of the Cambridge Union, former special adviser to Peter Lilley, when he was a Cabinet minister in John Major's government, and fourth generation salmon smoker, is not best mates with his fellow Tory, Sebastian Coe, and other luminaries of the 2012 Olympics.

The family business, Forman's Fish Island, which has supplied the nation with smoked salmon for generations, was until recently located where the running track in the Olympic stadium now is.

After a long battle which caused Lord Coe some heartache, the business moved to a new factory, 100m away, and was able to advertise itself as the "perfect" venue for parties or conferences because of its views of the stadium. Mr Forman is busy renting 30 temporary suites to companies for a princely £75,000.

Alas, a new pavilion has sprung up. It is run by Prestige Ticketing, official providers of Olympic hospitality, who are offering three- course meals and tickets to the 100m for £4,500, and it is slap bang in the middle of Forman's much advertised vista.

To add insult to injury, at the official opening, smoked salmon canapés were passed round as the Prestige boss, Alan Gilpin, explained: "We're really passionate about food. We want to showcase British produce, locally sourced, artisan made, often by several generations of the same family." The salmon, surely then, must be from Forman's over the road, he was asked.

"Erm, no, it's not actually."