"When people ask what I got for my 21st birthday, I'll tell them I got my d**k kicked in," Justin Bieber told reporters post-Roast.
"I should have known. Everybody was going balls to the wall."
Some spectacular jokes were to be had at the expense of the star, who chipped in with a few lines of his own when he got the chance to take to the microphone after his verbal battering.
Here are some of the harshest put-downs we could actually print.
Jeff Ross: “I know you’ll never end up like Kurt Cobain or Amy Winehouse ... respected.”
Shaquille O'Neal: “Justin, as a father of six, you have to straighten up, son. Last year, you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time. Kim Jong-un wasn’t even ranked that low. And he uses your music to torture people.”
Ron Burgundy: “This kid has spunk, moxie, and probably a few other STDs.”
Chris D’Elia: “You have it all, except for respect, love, friends, and a Grammy.”
Jeff Ross: “Justin, you have such a huge career behind you.”
Kevin Hart: “Bieber has 10 million fans — most are in middle schools, or standing at least 500 feet away from one.”
Martha Stewart: “Justin you have no idea what you're in for. I'm sure it's great to have 60 million followers on Twitter, but the only place people will be following you in jail is into the shower.”
Hannibal Buress: “They say that you roast the ones you love, but I don’t like you at all, man. I’m just here because it’s a real good opportunity for me.”
Jeff Ross: “Seth Rogen thinks you’re a conceited piece of s***, and he hangs out with James Franco.”
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps
Justin Bieber's biggest controversies and mishaps
1/17 Biebs gets arrested for DUI and drag racing
The singer appeared dishevelled, but in high spirits, as he smiled for his police mugshot following the arrest for drag racing under the influence of alcohol and drugs
2/17 Biebs assaults a limo driver
Fresh from his arrest in the US, Biebs headed back to his native Canada where he proceeded to get arrested and charged again... this time for assaulting a limo driver
3/17 Biebs lashes out at a photographer
When in London on tour in March, Bieber attacked the paparazzi in an angry rage and tried to grab one photographer's camera. 'I'll f***ing beat the f*** out of you,' he said, before being forced into a car by his bodyguard. Nice.
4/17 Biebs claims Anne Frank was a Belieber
This wildly inappropriate blunder took place in April, in the unlikely setting of the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam. After touring the museum for an hour, Bieber wrote in the guestbook that he hoped the Jewish teenager (who died in 1945 at Bergen-Belsen aged 15 from typhus and malnutrition after hiding from the Nazis with her family for two years) 'would have been a Belieber' - a fan of his.
5/17 Biebs gets done for drugs
The 'Boyfriend' singer was detained at Brisbane airport in Australia in May after customs officials found weed on one of Justin's friends. Bieber was released after a stern warning for 'inappropriate language'. Wash your mouth out Biebs.
6/17 Biebs brawls in Southampton
Who do you think he is? Bieber was reportedly involved in a fight at a Southampton nightclub last spring after taking over the VIP section. His bodyguards were investigated for using heavy-handed tactics to detour fans trying to reach him.
7/17 Biebs tries and fails to own a pet monkey
Justin Bieber's former pet monkey Mally was moved from quarantine into a German zoo in June after the six-month-old capuchin was seized by customs officials. Bieber was given several weeks to produce the health papers required to get him back, but failed to do so. Auf wiedersehen, pet.
8/17 Biebs spits on fans
The singer was accused of spitting on a crowd of adoring fans gathered under his hotel room balcony in Toronto. The July incident was brushed aside by Bieber, however, who denied doing anything so horrible. His representative said that the star had in fact bought fans hot chocolate and played them some new music instead.
9/17 Biebs splits from Selena Gomez
After a three year on-off relationship with Disney star Selena, teenage heartthrob Bieber has officially been back on the singletons market since July. 'Egos turn me off big time,' Selena said when asked about the split. Awkward.
10/17 Biebs hits the brothel
Bieber was filmed by a Brazilian girl in bed after a supposed brothel scandal in the summer. He was then pictured trying to leave, draped in a white sheet and surrounded by male minders. The singer allegedly did the same thing again in Rio de Janeiro in November.
11/17 Biebs pretends to have been cast in a blockbuster
In September, the pop star posted an Instagram picture of the script for the new Batman movie. Watermarked with his name, rumours that he could be the Robin to Ben Affleck's lead began to fly. Bieber has previously expressed his love of the superhero, going as far as having a custom-built Batmobile made for him. Fear not though, Biebs will be nowhere near the film set.
12/17 Biebs wees in a bucket
When a Bieber's got to go, a Bieber's got to go. The singer urinated in a restaurant mop bucket while laughing when in New York in October. He yelled 'F*** Bill Clinton' too, as apparently he has political views.
13/17 Biebs vandalises Australia
The singer was asked to clean up graffiti he spray-painted while on tour in Australia last November. He painted some images of cartoon characters onto a Gold Coast hotel wall,to the disgust of the local mayor. Bieber was visiting the famous beach strip following his 'Believe' world tour shows in Brisbane.
14/17 Biebs takes a paternity test
A lady called Mariah Yeater claimed that Bieber had fathered her 3-month-old son Trystan after a backstage tryst. She later dropped a paternity suit but the singer took a test in November to prove the allegations were false.
15/17 Biebs hit by a bottle in Brazil
Also in November, the Canadian pop star was struck by a bottle and stormed off stage in Brazil. Bieber upset hundreds of devoted fans when he did not return to sing his hit track 'Baby'. Teenagers were left waiting 30 minutes for the 19-year-old's return, but had to leave when his entourage started packing the equipment away.
16/17 Biebs leaves the stage early again
The singer left a performance in Buenos Aires early again, soon after he stormed off in Brazil. This time, he blamed food poisoning for his premature exit, offering an olive branch of evidence in the form of a selfie posted on Twitter showing him lying in a hospital bed hooked up to an intravenous drip.
17/17 Biebs gets shunned by Aussie fans
Twitter followers mean little when you can't shift tickets down-under. Biebs found this out the hard way when he was forced to sell many tickets for his eight-show Australian tour for half their original price. Haters gonna hate Biebs, America still loves you.
Ludacris: “Justin Bieber wants to be black so bad, he’s actually seen Kevin Hart’s movies in theaters”
Ron Burgundy: “People refer to Mr Bieber as a kid or a boy. Well here's a newsflash, gang: He's a man. A full-grown man, who works and loves and makes things with his hands. A man who sings songs for nine-year-olds and cuts his hair like a gay figure skater.”
Jeff Ross: “Lately a lot of people have been pointing their fingers at you — and those are just lesbians showing the barber how they want their haircut.”
Snoop Dogg: “You bought a monkey! I mean, that monkey was more embarrassed than the one that started the Aids epidemic.”
Jeff Ross: “Selena Gomez wanted to be here, but she’s dating men now. Is it true you dumped her because she grew a moustache before you?”
Ludacris: “He may have turned 21, but Justin will always be a baby to me. Since babies (urinate) everywhere and never know when to shut up.”
Bieber: “WHAT do you get when you give a teenager $200 million. A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours.”
Republished on 31 March to coincide with live showReuse content