When Newsnight became Brass Eye: Jeremy Paxman claims internet used to facilitate masturbation ‘or worse’

Jeremy Paxman announced what he thought the internet was really for during a segment on Wednesday night’s show

We’re starting to wonder whether there is much difference between Chris Morris’ comedy creation and the increasingly slap-stick current affairs side show.

After Chandler Bing (OK, fine, Matthew Perry) had to be bundled out of a separate studio exit to Peter Hitchens following a heated debate over drugs courts, during which the Friends star repeatedly called the columnist “Santa” and “Peter Pan”, we didn’t think things could get much closer to Brass Eye.

Read More On Matthew Perry's Furious Drug Debate Here

Until, that is, Jeremy Paxman decided to announce during a segment on Wednesday night’s show what he thought the internet was really for: masturbation.

“Now as we all know, one of the main functions of the internet is to facilitate masturbation,” Paxo told the camera, introducing a feature on online pornography filters, before adding, “Or worse.”

Why? We’re not really sure. But our minds were instantly cast to the 2001 “Paedogeden!” episode, during which guest stars such as Dr. Fox and Phil Collins repeatedly warned the audience of the dangers of exposing young children to crabs with wondering claws and high-tech gloves that allowed offenders to feel their victims through computer screens.

It’s been a year laden with controversy for the show. There was Russell Brand’s interview during his guest editing stint at the New Statesman, during which the multi-million-earning comedian demanded a revolution, though stopped short of defining exactly what the point of one would be.

See Russell Brand's Newsnight Interview In Full

There was #beardgate, when Paxman’s newly sprouted chin strap of facial hair spawned a thousand tweets debating whether the TV host looked better with or without. And his David Dimbleby tattoo tribute, which saw Paxman felt tip his knuckles in support.

Then there was that episode that featured the Cookie Monster.

And tonight? Peppa Pig discusses Ian Duncan Smith’s "rash" early exit from the Commons during a debate on food banks. Probably. We wouldn't be surprised if she did.

But in all (sort of) seriousness, the one story that really should get an honorable mention among the 'can't believe it's not Chris Morris' elite this week should be this: Children Evacuated From Swimming Pool After Prosthetic Leg Mistaken For Paedophile. You're welcome.

Start your day with The Independent, sign up for daily news emails
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs People

Ashdown Group: HR Manager Shared Services - Uxbridge, - 1 Year contract

£50000 per annum: Ashdown Group: HR Manager Shared Services - Uxbridge, Stock...

Recruitment Genius: Graduate Human Resource Officer and Executive Assistant

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: This is an exciting opportunity to join one of...

Ashdown Group: HR Assistant (Events business) - Central Manchester - £20K

£18000 - £20000 per annum + Benefits: Ashdown Group: HR Assistant (Events busi...

Recruitment Genius: Project Engineer

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: This privately-owned company designs and manuf...

Day In a Page

Not even the 'putrid throat' could stop the Ross Poldark swoon-fest'

Not even the 'putrid throat' could stop the Ross Poldark swoon-fest'

How a costume drama became a Sunday night staple
Miliband promises no stamp duty for first-time buyers as he pushes Tories on housing

Miliband promises no stamp duty for first-time buyers

Labour leader pushes Tories on housing
Aviation history is littered with grand failures - from the the Bristol Brabazon to Concorde - but what went wrong with the SuperJumbo?

Aviation history is littered with grand failures

But what went wrong with the SuperJumbo?
Fear of Putin, Islamists and immigration is giving rise to a new generation of Soviet-style 'iron curtains' right across Europe

Fortress Europe?

Fear of Putin, Islamists and immigration is giving rise to a new generation of 'iron curtains'
Never mind what you're wearing, it's what you're reclining on

Never mind what you're wearing

It's what you're reclining on that matters
General Election 2015: Chuka Umunna on the benefits of immigration, humility – and his leader Ed Miliband

Chuka Umunna: A virus of racism runs through Ukip

The shadow business secretary on the benefits of immigration, humility – and his leader Ed Miliband
Yemen crisis: This exotic war will soon become Europe's problem

Yemen's exotic war will soon affect Europe

Terrorism and boatloads of desperate migrants will be the outcome of the Saudi air campaign, says Patrick Cockburn
Marginal Streets project aims to document voters in the run-up to the General Election

Marginal Streets project documents voters

Independent photographers Joseph Fox and Orlando Gili are uploading two portraits of constituents to their website for each day of the campaign
Game of Thrones: Visit the real-life kingdom of Westeros to see where violent history ends and telly tourism begins

The real-life kingdom of Westeros

Is there something a little uncomfortable about Game of Thrones shooting in Northern Ireland?
How to survive a social-media mauling, by the tough women of Twitter

How to survive a Twitter mauling

Mary Beard, Caroline Criado-Perez, Louise Mensch, Bunny La Roche and Courtney Barrasford reveal how to trounce the trolls
Gallipoli centenary: At dawn, the young remember the young who perished in one of the First World War's bloodiest battles

At dawn, the young remember the young

A century ago, soldiers of the Empire – many no more than boys – spilt on to Gallipoli’s beaches. On this 100th Anzac Day, there are personal, poetic tributes to their sacrifice
Dissent is slowly building against the billions spent on presidential campaigns – even among politicians themselves

Follow the money as never before

Dissent is slowly building against the billions spent on presidential campaigns – even among politicians themselves, reports Rupert Cornwell
Samuel West interview: The actor and director on austerity, unionisation, and not mentioning his famous parents

Samuel West interview

The actor and director on austerity, unionisation, and not mentioning his famous parents
General Election 2015: Imagine if the leading political parties were fashion labels

Imagine if the leading political parties were fashion labels

Fashion editor, Alexander Fury, on what the leaders' appearances tell us about them
Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka: Home can be the unsafest place for women

Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka: Home can be the unsafest place for women

The architect of the HeForShe movement and head of UN Women on the world's failure to combat domestic violence