Rory Bremner, 35, stars with his satirical voices in the current Channel 4 series Rory Bremner ... Who Else? on Friday evenings.

First milestone? Grade 1 piano, when I was about 11. It was a distinction - 135 out of 150. I stopped after that; I started copying the teacher and watching her fingers instead of reading the music. There was also the 50-yard swimming test. I was just shivering by the side of the pool until I thought, "My parents have driven up from London (my school was in Edinburgh) to watch so the least I can do is swim to the other end".

School? I got a scholarship to Wellington College. No, it was a minor exhibition - not so much an exhibition, more of a vernissage or art gallery preview.

A credit to the regiment? I was a junior leader or something in the school army, i/c Applepie Bed (Early Warning) Section. I passed my orienteering exams - across the common - and also Light Rescue, ie dragging people through tunnels.

O-Levels? A's in French, German, Russian, English Language and Literature. B's in Physics, Chemistry, History, Maths and, I suppose, Latin. We had a brilliant French teacher: of 24 in the class, 21 got A's and 3 B's.

A-Levels? French, German and History.

To What Degree? Modern languages at Kings, London.

Future Qualifications? I haven't taken beauty therapy. The next one is helicopter flying, the Civil Aviation Authority's Private Pilot's Licence. I don't have a helicopter but I have taken helicopter lessons.

Glittering Prizes? I cannot possibly boast about all that. Oh, all right. I have won Best of Breed at a dog show. And at a village fete my Victoria sponge won the Last In Its Class prize; it had been the last to be raffled and was bought to be used as a drill attachment for sanding.

Plus? "Special Mention" from the jury at the Montreux Festival, which seemed to me rather like Goering getting a special mention from the Nuremberg jury.

Low Marks? I failed the driving test the first time. I wore a shorter skirt the second time n