Russell Brand on David Moyes sacking: ‘Sir Alex Ferguson's selection of the ‘chosen one’ looks like what I would do if invited to select my ex's next partner’

The comedian says that Ferguson’s appointment of Moyes was all part of a cunning plan

Russell Brand, a long-term football fan, says that sacked Manchester United manager David Moyes never stood a chance.

The comedian, who never misses an opportunity to voice his own opinion, believes that it was part of Sir Alex Ferguson’s grand plan to hire a successor who was not as skilled as he.

“Sir Alex Ferguson's selection of the ‘chosen one’ now looks less like John the Baptist heralding Christ and more like what I would do if invited to select my ex's next partner; the mendacious dispatch of a castrated chump to grimly jiggle with futile pumps upon Man United's bone-dry, trophy-bare mound,” he wrote in a column for the Guardian. “It appears though that Ferguson's personal mythology superseded his tribal ties and he nominated not an heir who could carry on his legacy, but one who would stumble and stoop and in so doing add greater emphasis to his own already staggering achievements.”

Moyes held the title of manager for just 10 months and was dismissed yesterday following a challenging season for the club. Ryan Giggs has been put in charge temporarily, yet Brand drily wonders why Ferguson had not hired the footballer in a managerial role before.

 

“Giggs, whose untapped managerial prowess evaded Ferguson when he was asked to nominate a successor, the nearest approximation of an Anfield boot-room appointment considered instead to be the translucent Moyes, a pale imitation of himself, so pale in fact his impotent palpitations could be witnessed on a vascular level as United throbbed to a final flaccid loss at Goodison Park,” said Brand.

The television personality and author believes that, although Moyes’s tenure was never fated to last, his replacement is in a far more “favourable position”.

“In all likelihood Ferguson's immediate successor could never be more than a peppery sorbet to cleanse the palate after decades of glorious indulgence,” Brand continued. “Any son of a great man knows a margin is required, some respite from the preceding magnificence.”

Brand is himself a West Ham supporter.

READ MORE: HOW THIS SEASON TURNED SO SOUR 
COULD MOYES END UP AT TOTTENHAM? 
UNITED DO SACK MANAGERS - IT WAS FERGUSON THAT BUCKED A TREND
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs People

Business Support - Banking - Halifax - £250 pd

£150 - £250 per day: Orgtel: HR Analyst - Banking - HR - Halifax - £150 - £250...

Geography Teacher

£24000 - £33600 per annum + pre 12 week AWR : Randstad Education Manchester Se...

Marketing Executive

£28000 - £32000 per annum: Charter Selection: A professional services company ...

Project Manager - Bristol South West

£400 - £450 per day: Orgtel: Project Manager (PM), Key Banking Client, Retail ...

Day In a Page

Noel Fielding's 'Luxury Comedy': A land of the outright bizarre

Noel Fielding's 'Luxury Comedy'

A land of the outright bizarre
What are the worst 'Word Crimes'?

What are the worst 'Word Crimes'?

‘Weird Al’ Yankovic's latest video is an ode to good grammar. But what do The Independent’s experts think he’s missed out?
Can Secret Cinema sell 80,000 'Back to the Future' tickets?

The worst kept secret in cinema

A cult movie event aims to immerse audiences of 80,000 in ‘Back to the Future’. But has it lost its magic?
Facebook: The new hatched, matched and dispatched

The new hatched, matched and dispatched

Family events used to be marked in the personal columns. But now Facebook has usurped the ‘Births, Deaths and Marriages’ announcements
Why do we have blood types?

Are you my type?

All of us have one but probably never wondered why. Yet even now, a century after blood types were discovered, it’s a matter of debate what they’re for
Honesty box hotels: You decide how much you pay

Honesty box hotels

Five hotels in Paris now allow guests to pay only what they think their stay was worth. It seems fraught with financial risk, but the honesty policy has its benefit
Some are reformed drug addicts. Some are single mums. All are on benefits. But now these so-called 'scroungers’ are fighting back

The 'scroungers’ fight back

The welfare claimants battling to alter stereotypes
Amazing video shows Nasa 'flame extinguishment experiment' in action

Fireballs in space

Amazing video shows Nasa's 'flame extinguishment experiment' in action
A Bible for billionaires

A Bible for billionaires

Find out why America's richest men are reading John Brookes
Paranoid parenting is on the rise - and our children are suffering because of it

Paranoid parenting is on the rise

And our children are suffering because of it
For sale: Island where the Magna Carta was sealed

Magna Carta Island goes on sale

Yours for a cool £4m
Phone hacking scandal special report: The slide into crime at the 'News of the World'

The hacker's tale: the slide into crime at the 'News of the World'

Glenn Mulcaire was jailed for six months for intercepting phone messages. James Hanning tells his story in a new book. This is an extract
We flinch, but there are degrees of paedophilia

We flinch, but there are degrees of paedophilia

Child abusers are not all the same, yet the idea of treating them differently in relation to the severity of their crimes has somehow become controversial
The truth about conspiracy theories is that some require considering

The truth about conspiracy theories is that some require considering

For instance, did Isis kill the Israeli teenagers to trigger a war, asks Patrick Cockburn
Alistair Carmichael: 'The UK as a whole is greater than the sum of its parts'

Alistair Carmichael: 'The UK as a whole is greater than the sum of its parts'

Meet the man who doesn't want to go down in history as the country's last Scottish Secretary