Russell Brand on David Moyes sacking: ‘Sir Alex Ferguson's selection of the ‘chosen one’ looks like what I would do if invited to select my ex's next partner’

The comedian says that Ferguson’s appointment of Moyes was all part of a cunning plan

Russell Brand, a long-term football fan, says that sacked Manchester United manager David Moyes never stood a chance.

The comedian, who never misses an opportunity to voice his own opinion, believes that it was part of Sir Alex Ferguson’s grand plan to hire a successor who was not as skilled as he.

“Sir Alex Ferguson's selection of the ‘chosen one’ now looks less like John the Baptist heralding Christ and more like what I would do if invited to select my ex's next partner; the mendacious dispatch of a castrated chump to grimly jiggle with futile pumps upon Man United's bone-dry, trophy-bare mound,” he wrote in a column for the Guardian. “It appears though that Ferguson's personal mythology superseded his tribal ties and he nominated not an heir who could carry on his legacy, but one who would stumble and stoop and in so doing add greater emphasis to his own already staggering achievements.”

Moyes held the title of manager for just 10 months and was dismissed yesterday following a challenging season for the club. Ryan Giggs has been put in charge temporarily, yet Brand drily wonders why Ferguson had not hired the footballer in a managerial role before.

 

“Giggs, whose untapped managerial prowess evaded Ferguson when he was asked to nominate a successor, the nearest approximation of an Anfield boot-room appointment considered instead to be the translucent Moyes, a pale imitation of himself, so pale in fact his impotent palpitations could be witnessed on a vascular level as United throbbed to a final flaccid loss at Goodison Park,” said Brand.

The television personality and author believes that, although Moyes’s tenure was never fated to last, his replacement is in a far more “favourable position”.

“In all likelihood Ferguson's immediate successor could never be more than a peppery sorbet to cleanse the palate after decades of glorious indulgence,” Brand continued. “Any son of a great man knows a margin is required, some respite from the preceding magnificence.”

Brand is himself a West Ham supporter.

READ MORE: HOW THIS SEASON TURNED SO SOUR 
COULD MOYES END UP AT TOTTENHAM? 
UNITED DO SACK MANAGERS - IT WAS FERGUSON THAT BUCKED A TREND
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs People

Recruitment Genius: Management Trainer

£30000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Exciting career opportunity to join East...

Recruitment Genius: Senior Scientist / Research Assistant

£18000 - £28000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: An ambitious start-up company b...

Reach Volunteering: Chair of Trustees

VOLUNTARY ONLY - EXPENSES REIMBURSED: Reach Volunteering: Do you love the Engl...

Day In a Page

Cameron, Miliband and Clegg join forces for Homeless Veterans campaign

Cameron, Miliband and Clegg join forces for Homeless Veterans campaign

It's in all our interests to look after servicemen and women who fall on hard times, say party leaders
Millionaire Sol Campbell wades into wealthy backlash against Labour's mansion tax

Sol Campbell cries foul at Labour's mansion tax

The former England defender joins Myleene Klass, Griff Rhys Jones and Melvyn Bragg in criticising proposals
Nicolas Sarkozy returns: The ex-President is preparing to fight for the leadership of France's main opposition party – but will he win big enough?

Sarkozy returns

The ex-President is preparing to fight for the leadership of France's main opposition party – but will he win big enough?
Is the criticism of Ed Miliband a coded form of anti-Semitism?

Is the criticism of Miliband anti-Semitic?

Attacks on the Labour leader have coalesced around a sense that he is different, weird, a man apart. But is the criticism more sinister?
Ouija boards are the must-have gift this Christmas, fuelled by a schlock horror film

Ouija boards are the must-have festive gift

Simon Usborne explores the appeal - and mysteries - of a century-old parlour game
There's a Good Girl exhibition: How female creatives are changing the way women are portrayed in advertising

In pictures: There's a Good Girl exhibition

The new exhibition reveals how female creatives are changing the way women are portrayed in advertising
UK firm Biscuiteers is giving cookies a makeover - from advent calendars to doll's houses

UK firm Biscuiteers is giving cookies a makeover

It worked with cupcakes, doughnuts and macarons so no wonder someone decided to revamp the humble biscuit
Can SkySaga capture the Minecraft magic?

Can SkySaga capture the Minecraft magic?

It's no surprise that the building game born in Sweden in 2009 and now played by millions, has imitators keen to construct their own mega money-spinner
The King's School is way ahead of the pack when it comes to using the latest classroom technology

Staying connected: The King's School

The school in Cambridgeshire is ahead of the pack when it comes to using the latest classroom technology. Richard Garner discovers how teachers and pupils stay connected
Christmas 2014: 23 best women's perfumes

Festively fragrant: the best women's perfumes

Give a loved one a luxe fragrance this year or treat yourself to a sensual pick-me-up
Arsenal vs Borussia Dortmund: Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain celebrates century with trademark display of speed and intuition

Arsenal vs Borussia Dortmund

The Ox celebrates century with trademark display of speed and intuition
Billy Joe Saunders vs Chris Eubank Jnr: When two worlds collide

When two worlds collide

Traveller Billy Joe Saunders did not have a pampered public-school upbringing - unlike Saturday’s opponent Chris Eubank Jnr
Homeless Veterans Christmas Appeal: Drifting and forgotten - turning lives around for ex-soldiers

Homeless Veterans Christmas Appeal: Turning lives around for ex-soldiers

Our partner charities help veterans on the brink – and get them back on their feet
Putin’s far-right ambition: Think-tank reveals how Russian President is wooing – and funding – populist parties across Europe to gain influence in the EU

Putin’s far-right ambition

Think-tank reveals how Russian President is wooing – and funding – populist parties across Europe to gain influence in the EU
Tove Jansson's Moominland: What was the inspiration for Finland's most famous family?

Escape to Moominland

What was the inspiration for Finland's most famous family?