Vegetable crime wave: It’s the phantom cucumber dropper of old London Town
The Government may be celebrating a recent drop in crime numbers but it clearly hadn’t accounted for the vegetable crime wave that’s sweeping the nation.
Shocked residents of Hampstead Garden Suburb in north London have been waking to find the fruits of a phantom cucumber dropper left poking out of bushes, discarded on train platforms and dumped in their gardens. Middle-class bastion the Telegraph has been positively salivating over this perfectly British story. It’s perfect for silly season and the paper reported yesterday that local Alice England spotted one of the fruits outside her home: “Just found a cucumber in the bush outside our flat. No joke – whose is it?”
Alice is right, this is certainly no joke. It’s littering and the cool customer responsible has dropped 36 odd cucumbers around the area and was even spotted by one local who described him as “a chap in a suit” who was “purposefully” dropping a cucumber on a local train station platform.
This case just gets curiouser and curiouser, but the veggie crime wave isn’t just restrict to the capital. Oh no, this has gone national with the staggering theft of 1.5 tonnes of potatoes from a farmer’s field in Norfolk. Is there a connection? No idea but this heist comes hot the heels of the theft of 500 potatoes from a field in the same village three weeks ago.
Don’t panic though, your roast dinners are safe as Norfolk Police is on the case, telling the Express that “It is unclear whether the two crimes are linked or if another gang of spud thieves are chipping in.”
Except that they didn’t say that, in fact a Norfolk Police spokesman confirms they said nothing of the sort (“They must have made it up”). Never fear though, Trending will make sure to keep you up to date with this possibly spurious and certainly unimportant silly season story all summer long. This is a veggie crime wave (maybe anyway) and we demand entertainment.
The Washington Post editor helped Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein bring down President Nixon
Children's bookseller wins The Independent's new author search
Board creates magnetic field to achieve lift
Chicago voter tells Obama 'don't touch my girlfriend' – Obama stays super smooth
Oscar Pistorius: The brutal prison life that awaits disgraced athlete
Banksy has not been arrested: Internet duped by fake report claiming artist's identity revealed
Ebola outbreak: Nowhere is safe until virus is contained in Africa, claims the top doctor who beat it in Nigera
Raphael Ravenscroft dead: 'Baker Street' musician who played the most famous saxophone solo for just £27, dies aged 60
Cameron is warned 'no possibility' of UK reducing immigration and that bid to bring in quota on migrant workers would be illegal
Residents should throw a street party and mix with immigrant neighbours, councils told
Russell Brand threatened with arrest after filming outside Fox News headquarters
London bus driver 'kicks gay couple off for kissing'
Jose Manuel Barroso warns David Cameron against making 'historic mistake' over immigration reforms
Worst Airports of 2014: Poll names Islamabad airport in Pakistan worst in the world
- 1 Salisbury ranked seventh-best city in the world to visit in Lonely Planet’s Best in Travel 2015
- 2 Disney announces new female-led film Moana
- 3 Banksy has not been arrested: Internet duped by fake report claiming artist's identity revealed
- 5 Russell Brand threatened with arrest after filming outside Fox News headquarters