Vegetable crime wave: It’s the phantom cucumber dropper of old London Town

 

The Government may be celebrating a recent drop in crime numbers but it clearly hadn’t accounted for the vegetable crime wave that’s sweeping the nation.

Shocked residents of Hampstead Garden Suburb in north London have been waking to find the fruits of a phantom cucumber dropper left poking out of bushes, discarded on train platforms and dumped in their gardens. Middle-class bastion the Telegraph has been positively salivating over this perfectly British story. It’s perfect for silly season and the paper reported yesterday that local Alice England spotted one of the fruits outside her home: “Just found a cucumber in the bush outside our flat. No joke – whose is it?”

Alice is right, this is certainly no joke. It’s littering and the cool customer responsible has dropped 36 odd cucumbers around the area and was even spotted by one local who described him as “a chap in a suit” who was “purposefully” dropping a cucumber on a local train station platform.

This  case just gets curiouser and curiouser, but the veggie crime wave isn’t just restrict to the capital. Oh no, this has gone national with the staggering theft of 1.5 tonnes of potatoes from a farmer’s field in Norfolk. Is there a connection? No idea but this heist comes hot the heels of the theft of 500 potatoes from a field in the same village three weeks ago.

Don’t panic though, your roast dinners are safe as Norfolk Police is on the case, telling the Express that  “It is unclear whether the two crimes are linked or if another gang of spud thieves are chipping in.”

Except that they didn’t say that, in fact a Norfolk Police spokesman confirms they said nothing of the sort (“They must have made it up”). Never fear though, Trending will make sure to keep you up to date with this possibly spurious and certainly unimportant silly season story all summer long. This is a veggie crime wave (maybe anyway) and we demand entertainment.

Start your day with The Independent, sign up for daily news emails
ebooks
ebooksA special investigation by Andy McSmith
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?

Day In a Page

No postcode? No vote

Floating voters

How living on a houseboat meant I didn't officially 'exist'
Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin

By Reason of Insanity

Louis Theroux's affable Englishman routine begins to wear thin
Power dressing is back – but no shoulderpads!

Power dressing is back

But banish all thoughts of Eighties shoulderpads
Spanish stone-age cave paintings 'under threat' after being re-opened to the public

Spanish stone-age cave paintings in Altamira 'under threat'

Caves were re-opened to the public
'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'

Vince Cable interview

'I was the bookies’ favourite to be first to leave the Cabinet'
Election 2015: How many of the Government's coalition agreement promises have been kept?

Promises, promises

But how many coalition agreement pledges have been kept?
The Gaza fisherman who built his own reef - and was shot dead there by an Israeli gunboat

The death of a Gaza fisherman

He built his own reef, and was fatally shot there by an Israeli gunboat
Saudi Arabia's airstrikes in Yemen are fuelling the Gulf's fire

Saudi airstrikes are fuelling the Gulf's fire

Arab intervention in Yemen risks entrenching Sunni-Shia divide and handing a victory to Isis, says Patrick Cockburn
Zayn Malik's departure from One Direction shows the perils of fame in the age of social media

The only direction Zayn could go

We wince at the anguish of One Direction's fans, but Malik's departure shows the perils of fame in the age of social media
Young Magician of the Year 2015: Meet the schoolgirl from Newcastle who has her heart set on being the competition's first female winner

Spells like teen spirit

A 16-year-old from Newcastle has set her heart on being the first female to win Young Magician of the Year. Jonathan Owen meets her
Jonathan Anderson: If fashion is a cycle, this young man knows just how to ride it

If fashion is a cycle, this young man knows just how to ride it

British designer Jonathan Anderson is putting his stamp on venerable house Loewe
Number plates scheme could provide a licence to offend in the land of the free

Licence to offend in the land of the free

Cash-strapped states have hit on a way of making money out of drivers that may be in collision with the First Amendment, says Rupert Cornwell
From farm to fork: Meet the Cornish fishermen, vegetable-growers and butchers causing a stir in London's top restaurants

From farm to fork in Cornwall

One man is bringing together Cornwall's most accomplished growers, fishermen and butchers with London's best chefs to put the finest, freshest produce on the plates of some of the country’s best restaurants
Robert Parker interview: The world's top wine critic on tasting 10,000 bottles a year, absurd drinking notes and New World wannabes

Robert Parker interview

The world's top wine critic on tasting 10,000 bottles a year, absurd drinking notes and New World wannabes
Don't believe the stereotype - or should you?

Don't believe the stereotype - or should you?

We exaggerate regional traits and turn them into jokes - and those on the receiving end are in on it too, says DJ Taylor