Men only? You must be joking

A new survey has named the nation's top 10 wits – and there isn't a woman among them. But as Emily Dugan discovers, female humour has helped define our life and culture for centuries

Lady Astor

The first female Member of Parliament, Lady Astor (1879 to 1964) was the American-born wife of the 2nd Viscount Astor. She was known for her quick wit and enjoyed some spectacular verbal sparring with Winston Churchill. The wartime leader once told her that having a woman in Parliament was like having one intrude on him in the bathroom, to which she retorted: "You are not handsome enough to have such fears." On another occasion, when Lady Astor was hosting a costumed ball, Churchill asked what disguise she would recommend for him. She said: "Why don't you come sober, Mr Prime Minister?"

Lady Astor's other famous witticisms included "I refuse to admit that I am more than 52, even if that does make my sons illegitimate" and "One reason why I don't drink is because I wish to know when I am having a good time".

Mary Wortley Montagu

Montagu, (1689 - 1762) an English aristocrat, was most famous for her letters, which took on the likes of Swift and Pope in the art of ironic epistolary and often emerged triumphant. She formed a close friendship with the women's rights campaigner Mary Astell and with Anne Wortley Montagu, who was the granddaughter of the 1st Earl of Sandwich. "I despise the pleasure of pleasing people that I despise" was a general rule. "I sometimes give myself admirable advice but I am incapable of taking it" another.

Lucy Porter

Porter (1973 - present) is one of the brightest, youngest things on the contemporary comedy stage, Porter plays the neurotic 30-something with a knack for commanding respect and laughs that Bridget Jones never quite managed. She began her career as a researcher at Granada television working on shows such as The Mrs Merton Show. "They say it takes six times as much land to feed a meat eater as it does to feed a vegetarian. Not that surprising given that beans don't tend to wander in the same way that sheep do. I think that's why farmers don't shag vegetables - no thrill of the chase."

Virginia Woolf

No, your eyes aren't deceiving you. For all her dauntingly dense stream of consciousness and her dark, unrelenting analyses of the human psyche, Woolf (1882-1941), a leading member of the Bloomsbury Set was devilishly funny when she really let rip. Not that it was often laugh-out-loud, but therein lay the strength of her humour. The art of the devastating one-liners and biting, satire was hers, and she used it to full effect, both in her correspondence and in her fiction. "I read the book of Job last night. I don't think God comes out well in it."

Shazia Mirza

Injecting humour into an area of social and political commentary often deemed no-go territory for comedians, Shazia Mirza, 31, has no reservations about making a joke out of her Muslim faith – and the issues that come with it. Having risen to fame after appearing in a hijab following 11 September, jokes such as "My name is Shazia Mirza. At least, that's what it says on my pilot's licence" pepper her sparkling, sassy delivery.

Nancy Mitford

A novelist, biographer and essayist, Mitford's cutting observations earned her a reputation as one of the leading comic writers. "I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away," was a typical jibe.

She often commented on the class system, "An aristocracy in a republic is like a chicken whose head has been cut off; it may run about in a lively way, but in fact it is dead".

Linda Smith

Smith (1958 - 2006) was the woman to whom Tim Henman was "the human equivalent of beige" and David Blunkett "Satan's bearded folk singer." Smith's unique, down-to-earth brand of humour endeared her to millions. She said of her home town, Erith in south-east London that: "It's not twinned with anywhere but it does have a suicide pact with Dagenham."

Ronnie Ancona

Ancona, 39, first discovered her talent for making people giggle while working on a paddle steamer doing impressions of Marilyn Monroe and Bette Davis. But it was on Alistair McGowan's Big Impression that she became a household name. Her Victoria Beckham, Barbara Windsor and Ruby Wax impressions earned her the best TV comedy actress at the British Comedy Awards.

Wendy Cope

The much-anthologised poet whose witty take on being a woman in middle England has earned Cope a place on every housewife's bookshelves. She won the Michael Braude Award for Light Verse in 1995 and was shortlisted for the Whitbread Poetry Award in 2001. Her poems display a sardonic wit, cynical view of men and bittersweet melancholy. "The day he moved out was terrible – That evening she went through hell. His absence wasn't a problem ... But the corkscrew had gone as well."

Joyce Grenfell

Grenfell, 1910-79, became successful in television after entertaining troops in the Second World War. She is best remembered for her role in the St Trinian's films as well as her one-woman shows. On clothes: "They look quite promising in the shop; and not entirely without hope when I get them back into my wardrobe. But then, when I put them on, they tend to deteriorate with a very strange rapidity and one feels so sorry for them." On history: "Progress today does seem to come so very heavily disguised as Chaos."

Jane Austen

Her novels have been transformed on modern screens into sugary romances with fairytale endings. But the author of Pride and Prejudice, Emma and Mansfield Park gave her books a far more acerbic tone with an edgy, ironic voice which made her one of the leading social satirists of her day. "I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them."