Why divorce makes women the poorer sex
A new study shows men's income rising 25% after a split, but many ex-wives are plunged into poverty
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Independent Minds
The common perception surrounding divorce is that wives generally take their husbands to the cleaners. But the first study to track the changing wealth of British divorcees claims the opposite to be true, especially when the separating couple have children.
The effects of divorce upon income are so marked that they are enough to haul men out of poverty while plunging women into it. The incomes of ex-husbands rose by 25 per cent immediately after the split, but women saw a sharp fall in their finances, which rarely regained pre-divorce levels.
Some 27 per cent of women ended up living in poverty as a result – three times the rate of men – and only 31 per cent received maintenance payments from ex-husbands for their children.
"The difference between the sexes is stark. But this is not so much a gender thing as a parent thing. The key differences are not between men and women but between fathers and mothers," said Professor Stephen Jenkins, a director of the Institute for Social and Economic Research, who carried out the survey. He combined data from 14 British Household Panel Surveys from 1991 to 2004 with information from five European surveys, then came up with new per capita incomes by recalculating the figures using the same formula employed by the Government to measure poverty.
"The percentage change in income is less if [women] have worked beforehand and continue working after the relationship breakdown. There is also a potential positive impact if she remarries," he told The Observer.
The situation was only reversed in cases where the ex-husband remarried and had children with his new partner while paying child maintenance to his former wife, Professor Jenkins said, adding that the only way to even out the inequalities was to tackle differences between the roles of men and women in the labour market and within the family.
Ruth Smallacombe, of divorce specialists Family Lawyers in Partnership, said: "The general belief that men get fleeced by their divorces while women get richer and live off the proceeds has long been due for exposure as a pernicious myth. In reality, women often suffer economic hardship when they divorce. In addition, the resentment caused by unfair financial settlements has many knock-on effects."
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Comments
Due to those false allegations of "Domestic Violence", i could no longer live in the house, see my kids. She was "awarded" the house, custody of my kids, got half my pension, ALL the furniture, 1 car. I now have to live a cheap bedsit in the poor part of the city. All this legal stuff is made by "Family" courts, operating in complete secret.
It is all because governments want fathers to keep working and pay taxes/child support after a divorce. They want to recouperate Social security payments for single mothers. Justice is irrelevant, and it all getting MUCH MUCH MUCH worse for fathers every year !
Even though I have just commented on the article regarding how women often lose out financially, I know from Families Need Fathers (and fathers that I know) that what you are saying is also a serious and unjust issue that is still a long way from being resolved.
Although I deplore parents using children as weapons, I believe that the more couples are encouraged to collaborate (most people I know have never heard of `matrimonial financial mediators' or `collaborative lawyers') then there will be less fear and anger raging around the break up process, making parents less likely to use their children as ways of punishing each other.
I have posted a fantastic poem by Clare Kirwan, that a collaborative lawyer I know gives to all her clients who have children. It is called `Weapons': http://www.startingovershow.co.uk/i
This method of sharing assets has the distinct advantage of being entirely consensual and reflecting what the couple truly considers to be fair in the absence of the animosity and expense which inevitably leads to unfairness within a contested divorce.
Further, by setting out what each partner stands to lose through divorce, the prospect of pooling resources and continuing the marriage can seem all the more attractive. Postnups are often used in mediation where finances are a source of disagreement in marriage. Allowing married couples to allocate their own finances fairly in a binding agreement can help them to set financial issues aside, and to concentrate instead on building their relationship.
Mark Andrew LL.B (Hons.)
There are other reasons behind the women losing out financially in breakup - contrary to popular belief, many women just want to get the divorce over with and compromise heavily. They live in houses they will have to sell on as soon as the youngest child reaches a certain age, while their ex-spouse is able to then cash in on what has been a growing investment that they may not necessarily have contributed to by covering maintenance costs of the property, or in one case I know, even contributing to the mortgage payments.
The event I am putting on in Brighton on 15 March 2009 is designed to provide legal, financial and wellbeing advice to people going through or starting over from divorce. A collaborative, non combative approach to divorce can create a fairer settlement for both parties, and wellbeing support is essential to be able to go through the process with some dignity, with long term sustainable goals at the heart of the settlement.
Sadie Gray's article is right on the button - this is a myth that really does need busting. And women and men both need more emotional support and a wider choice of options on how to progress divorce proceedings, which is what I am aiming to provide in Brighton this Spring.
http://www.startingovershow.co.uk
Yes there may be exceptions, but that is indeed what this is; most DM stems from men, as revealed in numerous academic studies. As for women being the majority abusers of childten, as mentioned. I have never once read any academic study that reveals as such.
There is no getting away from these facts.
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I always remember the line my ex gave me ..." I thought once you saw how much it would cost you to divorce you would not go through with it .." As a women who would turn a blind eye to any relationship so she didn't have to go out to work I was only too please to assert that I had never been unfaithful to my promise at marriage, she on the other hand had long since dismissed them as irrelevant.
Our children will now find their own way through life, it will be interesting which model they follow.
On the income after divorce hers went from gbp15k to gbp25K, mine from gbp45k down to gbp30k seems I don't fit the model !
One other lesson is Karma, in time the truth comes out and the lies are obvious to those who look back, just leave your children your side of the story, hopefully they will find it before they make the same mistakes.
Now...over the longer term, men do MUCH better than women who divorce. Why? Because women who divorce good men usually do it from greed and selfishness and they have no money management skills. Therefore, once the 'golden goose' has been well and truely put to the sword the majorty of divorced women fall on hard times. Add to this the fact that men are waking up in their millions as to just how biased these laws are that they are refusing to co-habit or remarry because they know it is a losing deal. All this means that a woman who is foolish enough to divorce a good husband is making a very hard future for herself. And it is by HER choice of FREE WILL, though I am sure you will hear plenty of women claim 'victim status' years after a divorce they initiate.
I am a great case in point of this. As part of the divorce process the majority of our assets will be transferred to the lawyers. I will be 45 and penniless....but my ex will get almost nothing. I can earn GBP250K a year. She will be lucky to make GBP30K a year. I will be a wealthy single man. She will be a poor two time divorcee. Her choice.
My ex's income skyrocketed when we got divorced, and he insisted on paying less than the bare minimum for our 3 children. It's been my experience that agreement is idiotic, as they never agree, so unless I agreed to whatever he chose to pay, I would have been subject to months and months trying to take him to court. I ditched one application because I can't afford a lawyer, and I can't afford to take time off work to be wasted in court.
No matter what 'system' you're dealing in, the results are the same. The child support guideline was increased by 15% by the government where I live, and instead of making it an automatic increase, I had to take him to court to get it. It took a year to see a judge, at which time, because my ex didn't agree to the increase, we didn't get it.
What a total waste of time, energy and money. There has to be a better way.