Stop all the clocks. Cut off the supply of champagne. There has been a cataclysm in the fashion world so huge that nothing will ever be the same.
On Thursday, in a tent at the National History Museum, Naomi Campbell was Nice. She arranged a fashion show for charity. She got Princess Beatrice to do a turn. She didn't throw her mobile phone at anyone.
This untypical fit of altruism had a serious point. Campbell hoped to raise £1m for the Rotary Flood Disaster Appeal, after being "deeply affected" this summer by Britain's floods. Asked why she didn't focus on the Third World, Campbell replied: "I've been doing Third World since 1994." What a relief that La Campbell has fixed world poverty and is now free to concentrate on less fortunate people with wet feet in Henley.
A jolt this huge in the universal karma does not come without ramifications, so other models have been redressing the cosmic balance. Jodie Kidd, the formerly wholesome, horsey friend of The Princes, was caught out by a brilliant sting by Mazher Mahmood, and bought three grams of cocaine from a man called Frank. Over a spaghetti bolognese she asked the undercover reporter, "Do you know how many dealers I know in a little town called Billingshurst?"; claimed that Victoria Beckham "kind of attached herself" to her; and, with a straight face, announced that "Kate [Moss] was very cool but she got a bit affected. They get very affected by stardom. It goes to their head."
LG electronics, which recently used Kidd to promote its eco washing machine, released a rueful statement that cocaine use is "not a thing you would want in a brand ambassador". Unless you're selling a brand of bullshit, perhaps.
Moss herself, reeling from the news that Kidd thinks her a little up herself, drowned her sorrows at a posh V&A fashion bash. Kate tore the arse out of the evening, and a vintage Dior gown, which started to disintegrate after someone stepped on its train. They must be grateful it wasn't Ms Campbell's dress they ripped or they'd still be picking bits of phone out of their heads.
Elsewhere in the fashion world, they start them young. So young it is "quite outrageous", says the Australian Prime Minister John Howard. Maddison Gabriel, the scantily clad 13-year-old model who provoked his outrage replied that she's very mature "so I should be able to do it", before presumably slamming the door and yelling: "IT'S NOT FAIR!" Her mum reasoned: "Every 13-year-old I know wears adult clothes." And if every 13-year-old she knew took three grams of cocaine and hung out with fake sheiks, she'd encourage that too? Well, that's fashion.Reuse content