Today in aptly-named felon news we see a Utah woman called Cameo Crispi charged with arson after using bacon to try and burn down her ex-boyfriend's home.
Crispi's ex called police on 14 March to report that he had received "multiple phone calls and texts" from her which he wanted to stop and asked that she be removed from his home.
An officer was dispatched to the property where the 31-year-old woman answered the door, with smoke billowing out of the house.
"I asked to come in and observed a wood stove left open with a fire burning inside and hot coals on the floor around the stove," the officer explained, noting that he also discovered a baking sheet loaded with a pound of bacon sitting on the stove.
"I observed the burner to be on the setting 'High' and the bacon to be severely burned and smoking badly," he added.
The officer stopped the fire from spreading and arrested Crispi, who had a blood-alcohol content of 0.346 at the time, four times that of the drink driving limit.
Doctors asked her about the fire, according to charging documents, "and she stated she was attempting to start a fire in the house to get back at (her ex-boyfriend)."
Crispi was charged with arson, burglary, assault by a prisoner, interfering with an arresting officer, electronic communication harassment and intoxication, and is due in court on 14 April.