Inside the mind of Nelson Mandela

A collection of 80 years of private papers reveals his intimate thoughts on everything from apartheid to Robben Island, marriage – and freedom. Cahal Milmo gains an insight

When Nelson Mandela handed the private papers he had collected over a lifetime to researchers, he warned them to expect a "treasure house ... full of surprises, crossing paths, dead ends, painful reminders and unanswered questions".

Some five years after archivists at the Nelson Mandela Foundation began the task of sifting through thousands of pages of diaries, letters, prison records and calendars, it would seem that the documents also provide an emotive and unvarnished insight into the personal toll the fight against apartheid took on Mr Mandela.

From the notes that he scribbled down for the speech that he made from the dock in 1964 while expecting the death penalty, to his failed exams, to a grief-stricken letter written from his prison cell following the death of his son in a car crash in 1969, the archive has been turned into a new book on South Africa's first black president.

Entitled Conversations with Myself and released today in 22 countries, the volume presents a more human picture of Mr Mandela that is in keeping with his concern that he has been wrongly mythologised as a living saint. In unpublished notes for an autobiography which are woven into the book, he wrote: "I never was one, even on the basis of the earthly definition of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying."

The documents present a remarkably candid picture of the former ANC leader over a period of 80 years, including his 27 years as a prisoner of the apartheid regime, ranging from a memo entitled "From the Office of Nelson Mandela" and decorated with a picture of the cartoon cat Garfield on which he noted the address details of Graca Machel, now his third wife, to the yearning and romantic letters he sent to Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, his second wife, from prison on Robben Island.

Throughout his imprisonment, the private letters make clear Mr Mandela's awareness and sorrow for the effects that his dedication to his political goals had on his family, ruing the fact that he had been deprived of the simple pleasures of "giving [the children] a bath, feeding, putting them to bed with a little story".

In the letter he sent to Winnie following the death of his 24-year-old son Thembi in 1969, Mandela noted how the young man had taken to wearing his trousers in his absence, adding: "For days thereafter my mind and feelings were agitated to realise the psychological strains and stresses my absence from home had imposed on the children."

A year later, he wrote again to his wife revealing his anger at the repeated arrests and harassment she suffered from the police: "I feel I have been soaked in gall, every part of me, my flesh, bloodstream, bone and soul, so bitter am I to be completely powerless to help you in the rough and fierce ordeals you are going through."

The book is intended as a more intimate follow-up to Long Walk to Freedom, his 1995 autobiography which has sold six million copies worldwide. Mr Mandela seeks to lay to rest long-standing suggestions that he was responsible for violence in his first marriage, to Evelyn Mase, saying that she had once threatened him with a red-hot poker and he had twisted her arm to take it away from her. He also tackles difficult subjects such as the justification for violence in the struggle against apartheid in South Africa.

Much of the most telling detail is found in the collection of prison calendars kept in Mr Mandela's painstaking, neat handwriting in which he recounted dreams alongside mundane facts about jail life. In December 1984, he remarked on the results of his attempt to pass an advanced law degree: "Failed all six subjects." While in November 1980, he wrote in Afrikaans: "As long as the Afrikaners think they are the super race and have the right to force solutions on others, the future will remain bleak."

The book also reveals flashes of Mr Mandela's mischievous humour. While being treated in hospital for tuberculosis, he was presented with a breakfast of bacon and eggs which a guard warned him was contrary to the order from his doctor to eat a cholesterol-free diet. The now 92-year-old freedom fighter replied: "Today, I am prepared to die; I am going to eat it."

Letters to Winnie and views on the Queen

Family

Letter to Winnie Madikizela-Mandela in 1969, after he was informed of the death of his son

"I find it difficult to believe that I will never see Thembi again. On 23 February this year he turned 24. I had seen him towards the end of July 1962 a few days after I had returned from a trip abroad. Then he was a lusty lad of 17 that I could never associate with death. He wore one of my trousers which was a shade too big and long for him. The incident was significant and set me thinking. As you know he had a lot of clothing, and was particular about his dress and had no reason whatsoever for using my clothes. I was deeply touched for the emotional factors underlying his action were too obvious. For days thereafter my mind and feelings were agitated to realise the psychological strains and stresses my absence from home had imposed on the children."



Letter to Winnie in 1976

"My main problem since I left home is my sleeping without you next to me and my waking up without you close to me, the passing of the day without my having seen you."



Prison

Notes written on 20 April 1964 for the climax of the Rivonia Trial for treason in which he expected the death sentence

"1. Statement from the dock

2. I meant everything I said

3. The blood of patriots in this country have [has] been shed for demanding treatment in conformity with civilised standards

4. That army is beginning to grow

5. If I must die, let me to declare for all to know that I will meet my fate like a man"



Diary note, 1981

"At least, if for nothing else, the cell gives you the opportunity to look daily into your entire conduct, to overcome the bad and develop whatever is good in you. Regular meditation, say about 15 minutes a day before you turn in, can be very fruitful in this regard."

After prison

On taking criticism, from unpublished autobiography: "It is a grave error for any leader to be oversensitive in the face of criticism... A leader should encourage and welcome a free and unfettered exchange of views. But no one should ever question the honesty of another comrade, whether he or she is leader or ordinary member."



On being elected President in 1994: "My installation as the first democratically elected President of the Republic of South Africa was imposed on me much against my advice."



On letter writing while in office: "Writing letters to friends used to be one of my favourite hobbies and each letter gave me a lot of pleasure. Pressure of work now makes it impossible for me to engage in this hobby."



The Queen, and other heads of state

On meeting the Queen: "[She] is one of the longest reigning monarchs and she is a fine lady... Very sharp. There may be a great deal of formality around her, but as an individual she is a very simple person, very plain. I formed a good impression of her."



On Pope John Paul II: "Gee whiz, the Pope is also an outstanding person. Humble, very humble... He made the statement that he fully supports the struggle against apartheid and he wished us well and strength. Yes, he's a linguist man! Did you know that he also plays the guitar? He's quite a wonderful chap."



On Fidel Castro: "I noticed that he will greet a white person, then he goes to greet somebody who's dark. I don't know whether that was purely accidental or deliberate... I then realised that this enthusiasm and waving was not really for me as we were driving through the city; it was directed to Castro. Nobody bothered about me at all."

Start your day with The Independent, sign up for daily news emails
PROMOTED VIDEO
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
ebooks
ebooksA year of political gossip, levity and intrigue from the sharpest pen in Westminster
News
Tangerine Dream Edgar Froese
people
News
Rob Lowe
peopleRob Lowe hits out at Obama's snub of Benjamin Netanyahu
News
Davies (let) says: 'Everybody thought we were having an affair. It was never true!'
people'Our friendship flourished online. You can share some very revelatory moments at four in the morning…'
Arts and Entertainment
Over their 20 years, the band has built a community of dedicated followers the world over
music
News
Staff assemble outside the old City Road offices in London
mediaThe stories, the writers and the changes over the last quarter of a century at Britain's youngest paper
Life and Style
The Oliver twins, Philip and Andrew, at work creating the 'Dizzy' arcade-adventure games in 1988
techDocumentary looks back at origins of the computer-games industry
Arts and Entertainment
Krall says: 'My hero player-singer is Elton John I used to listen to him as a child, every single record
music
News
Friends for life … some professionals think loneliness is more worrying than obesity
scienceSocial contact is good for our sense of wellbeing - but it's a myth that loneliness kills, say researchers
Arts and Entertainment
The Wu-Tang Clan will sell only one copy of their album Once Upon A Time In Shaolin
musicWu-Tang Clan and The Sexual Objects offer fans a chance to own only copies of their latest albums
News
i100
Environment
Number so freshwater mussels in Cumbria have plummeted from up to three million in the 20th century to 500,000
environment
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

iJobs Job Widget
iJobs General

Austen Lloyd: Private Client Solicitor - Oxford

Excellent Salary : Austen Lloyd: OXFORD - REGIONAL FIRM - An excellent opportu...

Austen Lloyd: Clinical Negligence Associate / Partner - Bristol

Super Package: Austen Lloyd: BRISTOL - SENIOR CLINICAL NEGLIGENCE - An outstan...

Recruitment Genius: Sales Consultant - Solar Energy - OTE £50,000

£15000 - £50000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Fantastic opportunities are ava...

Recruitment Genius: Compute Engineer

Negotiable: Recruitment Genius: A Compute Engineer is required to join a globa...

Day In a Page

Iraq invasion 2003: The bloody warnings six wise men gave to Tony Blair as he prepared to launch poorly planned campaign

What the six wise men told Tony Blair

Months before the invasion of Iraq in 2003, experts sought to warn the PM about his plans. Here, four of them recall that day
25 years of The Independent on Sunday: The stories, the writers and the changes over the last quarter of a century

25 years of The Independent on Sunday

The stories, the writers and the changes over the last quarter of a century
Homeless Veterans appeal: 'Really caring is a dangerous emotion in this kind of work'

Homeless Veterans appeal

As head of The Soldiers' Charity, Martin Rutledge has to temper compassion with realism. He tells Chris Green how his Army career prepared him
Wu-Tang Clan and The Sexual Objects offer fans a chance to own the only copies of their latest albums

Smash hit go under the hammer

It's nice to pick up a new record once in a while, but the purchasers of two latest releases can go a step further - by buying the only copy
Geeks who rocked the world: Documentary looks back at origins of the computer-games industry

The geeks who rocked the world

A new documentary looks back at origins of the computer-games industry
Belle & Sebastian interview: Stuart Murdoch reveals how the band is taking a new direction

Belle & Sebastian is taking a new direction

Twenty years ago, Belle & Sebastian was a fey indie band from Glasgow. It still is – except today, as prime mover Stuart Murdoch admits, it has a global cult following, from Hollywood to South Korea
America: Land of the free, home of the political dynasty

America: Land of the free, home of the political dynasty

These days in the US things are pretty much stuck where they are, both in politics and society at large, says Rupert Cornwell
A graphic history of US civil rights – in comic book form

A graphic history of US civil rights – in comic book form

A veteran of the Fifties campaigns is inspiring a new generation of activists
Winston Churchill: the enigma of a British hero

Winston Churchill: the enigma of a British hero

A C Benson called him 'a horrid little fellow', George Orwell would have shot him, but what a giant he seems now, says DJ Taylor
Growing mussels: Precious freshwater shellfish are thriving in a unique green project

Growing mussels

Precious freshwater shellfish are thriving in a unique green project
Diana Krall: The jazz singer on being friends with Elton John, outer space and skiing in Dubai

Diana Krall interview

The jazz singer on being friends with Elton John, outer space and skiing in Dubai
Pinstriped for action: A glimpse of what the very rich man will be wearing this winter

Pinstriped for action

A glimpse of what the very rich man will be wearing this winter
Russell T Davies & Ben Cook: 'Our friendship flourished online. You can share some very revelatory moments at four in the morning…'

Russell T Davies & Ben Cook: How we met

'Our friendship flourished online. You can share some very revelatory moments at four in the morning…'
Bill Granger recipes: Our chef serves up his favourite Japanese dishes

Bill Granger's Japanese recipes

Stock up on mirin, soy and miso and you have the makings of everyday Japanese cuisine
Michael Calvin: How we need more Eric Cantonas to knock some sense into us

Michael Calvin's Last Word

How we need more Eric Cantonas to knock some sense into us