Postcard from... Rome
A phial of Pope’s blood now goes for tens of thousands of euros on the black (magic) market, in case you were wondering. That’s the value La Repubblica has put on the holy liquid after claims that devil worshippers stole a jar of Pope John Paul II’s blood from a church near the town of L’Aquila. The relic went missing two nights ago on 25 January, which, as everyone knows, was the eve of celebrations related to the demon Valac, described by Goethe as the Great President of Hell.
Giovanni Panunzio, head of a national anti-fraud group, said: “It’s possible that Satanist sects were behind the theft of the relic of John Paul II’s blood.” Mr Panunzio, who’s curiously well informed about such things, added that Satanic rites linked to the Nazi Holocaust and the Satanic new year (1 February) were also probable factors in the theft. Yesterday, 50 police officers were said to be scouring the area near the little church of St Peter in the mountains near L’Aquila.
While most Italians joked about whether the phial contained cow’s blood or ketchup, Pasquale Corriere, of the local Gran Sasso tourist board, insisted the relic had been one of only three phials of the late Polish pontiff’s blood in existence, gathered after his 1981 assassination attempt.
- 1 Nigel Farage: Me vs Russell Brand on Question Time – he's got the chest hair but where are his ideas?
- 2 Harry Potter fans can apply to the Hogwarts-inspired College of Wizardry
- 3 Jessica Chambers: 19-year-old woman 'doused with lighter fluid and burned alive' in the US
- 4 Russell Brand calls Nigel Farage 'poundshop Enoch Powell' in BBC Question Time debate
- 5 Orange Wednesdays are no more
Weather bomb in pictures: Storms cuts power for tens of thousands – and snow is on the way
Jessica Chambers: 19-year-old woman 'doused with lighter fluid and burned alive' in the US
Russell Brand calls Nigel Farage 'poundshop Enoch Powell' in BBC Question Time debate
Russell Brand was rendered speechless on Question Time by this man
Fury at Airbus after it hints the super-jumbo may be mothballed
Disgruntled RBS worker writes hilarious open letter to Russell Brand after anti-capitalist publicity stunt leaves him hungry
Shock poll shows voters believe Ukip is to the left of the Tories
Nigel Farage's approval rating hits 'record low' as popularity suffers in wake of Ukip sex scandal
Nigel Farage defends Kerry Smith 'ch***y' comment: 'If you are going for a Chinese, what do you say you’re going for?'
Ukip candidate jokes about 'shooting peasants' in racist and homophobic rant
Pakistan school attack live: Taliban kill at least 132 children in 'horrifying' massacre
£65000 - £80000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: Finance Director required to jo...
£15000 - £25000 per annum: Recruitment Genius: This is a unique opportunity fo...
£50000 per annum + 26 days holiday,pension: Ashdown Group: A highly successful...
£27000 per annum + pension + holidays: The Jenrick Group: A Quality Technician...