Sunday 16 April 1995
I THINK everyone agrees that it's right to feel sorry for the people of Iraq who every morning wake up and look at the ceiling and then remember that Saddam Hussein is still their president. And then, as their feet touch the cold floor, they recall that his son, Uday, is the second power in the land. But think how depressing it must be for them knowing that there is not just one Uday, but 13 of him - the original, and 12 doubles hired to throw assassins off the trail.
To make the deception convincing, each of them is swaddled in luxury and required to throw his weight around in the generally swinish manner of Uday No 1. The chances of avoiding these doppelgangers must be slim - imagine, I don't know, 13 Michael Howards criss-crossing the country at all times.
Still, some sympathy should be reserved for the lesser Udays. According to one who has escaped and turned up in London last week, Uday sometimes gets drunk with them and then fires off a few pistol shots in their general direction, just to remind them who's boss.
- 3 Oil tanker with $100 million cargo goes missing off Texas coast
- 5 Medina: Saudis take a bulldozer to Islam's history
YouTube video posted by Isis militants shows 'execution of 250 Syrian soldiers'
Keira Knightley topless: Usually conservative actress does own take on #Freethenipple campaign for Interview Magazine
Oil tanker with $100 million cargo goes missing off Texas coast
George Galloway left with severe bruising after attack in Notting Hill by man 'shouting about the Holocaust'
Brother and sister, Christopher Buckner and Timothy Savoy, arrested for 'committing incest after watching 'The Notebook''
Robin Williams Emmys tribute led by Billy Crystal criticised for including 'racist' joke about Muslim woman
The Rotherham child abuse scandal is a tale of apologists, misogyny and double standards
Scottish independence TV debate: Pumped-up Alex Salmond bounces back in bruising second round against Alistair Darling
Do you realise just how foolish the UK looks?
Ukip Douglas Carswell defection: Tory MP jumps ship to join Nigel Farage
When elitism grips the top of British society to this extent, there is only one answer: abolish private schools
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