Matthew Norman: Isn't it time Gordon Brown was put out of his misery?
Everything this reverse Midas touches turns to plutonium
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'Gordon is the Sadim of global politics, everything this reverse Midas touches turning straight to plutonium'
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If somebody were to hand the noted primate hunter AA Gill a high-velocity rifle, and say to him "Adrian, you see that slightly simian figure over there, yes, the Prime Minister...", would anyone be horrified when the shot rang out and the creature slumped to the ground?
Well, I suppose it would be a blow to Sarah, and presumably the Metropolitan Police would have to show an interest. But for tens of millions of people the overwhelming emotion would be relief, as much on his behalf as their own. It is astonishing how often you hear this fantasy voiced. In the last two days I've heard it three times. "Someone ought to shoot him," one friend precisely echoed the other two yesterday, "and put him out of his misery. It just isn't right to let this go on."
There wasn't a scintilla of malice in this, but there seldom is when people talk about the mercy-killing of Gordon Brown. The loathing induced by Tony Blair is absent. With Gordon, there's a measure of perplexity, a dash of anger and a heavy twist of disdain, but the base of the cocktail is embarrassed pity.
Watching the wounded beast flailing, death rictus spreading over face and carrion crow gathering overhead, has become too painful to watch. We've been through Shakespearean tragedy, done farce both high and low, lingered over the surreal, and resurrected satire from its Kissinger-Nobel burial ground time and again. All we want now is for this horribly macabre spectacle to stop.
The humiliations assault him with such ceaseless regularity that it's a struggle to keep pace. From recent days alone I count four. There is, for instance, the pitiable vista of Gordon openly pressing the claims to EU presidency of someone he described, to his own face, as utterly untrustworthy. If and when Mr Blair becomes Mr Prez, this will represent Gordon's ultimate eclipsing by his old foe. Yet here the poor turkey is, in utter thrall to Lord Mandelson for keeping him in office, urging fellow EU leaders to vote for Christmas.
Infinitely worse was the shock news that the British economy contracted yet further in the third quarter, ridiculing assurances that it would by now be back in growth. Gordon's mantra that Britain was uniquely well-placed to withstand the global slump has boomeranged and smacked him the temple, which certainly was anticipated, and the last slivers of his economic credibility have been cauterised.
The surrender over cutting Territorial Army funding, meanwhile, was a classic of Brownian incompetence. Having contrived a fabulously stupid idea – picking a fight with the army to save a measly £20m is like mugging Vera Lynn for a 10p piece – he then exacerbated the damage by retreating not in one clean manoeuvre, but in two messy ones. If Gordon had a flag, it would be a cream cross on a beige background.
And so to the latest on MPs' expenses. Here the pity reaches its zenith, because whereas being under permanent house arrest with Lord Mandelson as jailer is one thing, being Sir Stuart Bell's prisoner over expenses is another.
This so-called "shop steward of MPs" is quite a card, and I have before me one of the books of which he admits authorship. About another he is more reticent, as we'll see, but Sir Stuart has the vanity to be proud of Tony Blair Loves Me (SpenView Publications, £6.99; Sir Stuart was born, by sheerest happenstance, in the Geordie mining village of High Spen). This masterpiece of futile ingratiation captures the essence of the New Labour backbenches exquisitely. "Tony," begins the open letter he uses as introduction, written to mark the 1997 victory, "You have not written your name on water but in the history books, not because of time and place ... but because you built New Labour on the traditions and values of the old; you built the future on to the past in the present.
"It falls to few to have such a vision ... by being the first Tony Blair rather the second anyone-else, you have earned the right to be where you are today. You have a right to be here, to savour this moment, to marvel at it ..." But no more. If the missing anti-emetics turn up perhaps we'll sample the comparisons with Churchill and Keats another time.
Having inexplicably failed to bring this long-term shadow trade minister into his government, Mr T consoled his disciple with the crucial parliamentary post of Church Estates Commissioner, regardless of the Francophile Sir Stuart's pornographic novel Paris, 69 (the one he's not quite so keen to mention). If you're squeam, or even just squeamish, turn the page now.
"And she keeps on sucking, sucking and nibbling and filling me with yearning, with desire to thrust her back on the bed now, strap her to it the way the schoolteacher had shown me," runs a memorable passage. "I wanted that she be tied to the bed and I dominate her, rape her, burst inside her and be cleansed."
Enchanting stuff from a most remarkable man of God. I quote it less to aid the digestion of your breakfast egg than to hint at the quality of the leader of the resistance to Christopher's Kelly attempts to end the practices of MPs building property portfolios and employing family on the taxpayer. Sitting on the Members Estimate Committee, Sir Stuart fought long and hard to obscure the issue from public gaze, and has predictably strong feelings about Sir Christopher's ambitions. "I don't think the House would accept any enforced redundancies of present staff," he declares.
Sir Stuart speaks with authority, even though he no longer employs kith and kin so far as I'm aware. He did once hire his son as a researcher, and jolly hard young Malcolm worked too until his conviction for stealing cheques from George Galloway's office, using one to buy himself an Egyptian figurine for £1,788.
Whether Sir Stuart is the ideal person to defend the employment of relatives, who shall say? But strive mightily to ignore the Kelly recommendations our noble MPs naturally will. And the man who will pay the heaviest price for that, of course, is Gordon Brown, who has one-16th of the authority over his MPs exercised by John Major in his dog days, and who takes the rap for every fresh expenses-related folly.
In one sense, this is unfair. What no one doubts about Gordon, unlike his predecessor and likely future President, is his probity and uninterest in personal enrichment. However, from the YouTube hilarity to the appointment of Thomas Legg and Kelly, who so drolly failed to do the whitewashing expected, he has handled expenses with the deftness lavished on TA cutbacks, the release of the Libyan bomber, the 10p tax rate, biscuits and so much else during these last 30 months.
Gordon is the Sadim of global politics, everything this reverse Midas touches turning straight to plutonium. There is no point asking how much more radiation sickness he can take. Endurance of suffering is the one strength he has left, and no disaster or torrent of them will send him to his study with the Glenlivet and trusty Luger now. But it isn't pretty to watch, and it feels immoral that it should continue. Killing a healthy baboon is a very different proposition, as his Cabinet still has a little time to appreciate, from mercifully ending the political life of an ailing buffoon.
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Comments
Brown and his accolytes are'nt just witless, they are evil.
It is not often that you see a man so far out of his depth, but we see it here ladies and gentlemen.
I genuinly think he has some strengths, but in no way shape or form is it as a Number One. As a number two, he just contrived to get the top job, so I cannot honestly say he makes a good number two either (no pun intended).
He should resign while he has some self-respect left and write a good book and have fun with his family.
He is what, when a work, I called an educated idiot. This type of person is educated to a high level, quite often PhD level. But no-matter how bright in the small confines of their specialised subject, they think that it applies to other areas as well. They then dabble in those areas, directed by the strong convictions that they know what they are doing and capable of dealing with it. Not being able to see the bigger picture and the fallout of unintended consequences, being a strong trait.
In other words a total disaster: exactly what Brown has show himself to be.
# umm
# errr
# dunno
# but then there's... well, no
# what?
CALL A GENERAL ELECTION NOW.
Western societies are totally Orwellian and whoever replaces the Clown at No10 will continue with the same policies and follow the same One World Government agenda.
Brown is a bullying, blustering, dissembling coward and I'm being kind with those words.
His Chancellorship and PMship have been disasters and he deserves not even a thought about the opprobrium he receives daily - it should be much more frequently. He is the one who insists he will carry on - the best person for the job, don't you know - and through the continuous gaffes and blunders, he proves his total political incompetence without the need for any assistance from equally incompetent ministers.
Having caused so much social and economic damage over 12 years in senior office, which will be felt by millions for decades, all the suffering he might endure is only what he deserves.
I feel no pity for someone so consumed with hubris, nor enjoy any Schadenfreude either. The guy is contemptible and deserves all the contempt that can be delivered to him, given the current Royal Mail shambles.
so they'll back a worn out old Brown with their last breath; mind you, some may choose to put themselves and him out of their and our misery before June
And at this point in this tired old government, I'm begining to think this might be a relief. Never voted Tory and am deeply suspicious of the Millionaire Club shadow cabinet. But much more of this government and I think we may as well just turn over and die.
What does that leave me with? The Lib Dems or various monomaniac parties.
But I certainly won't be voting for another five years of this living death.
New Labour has imposed a form of low level depression on people; we are all guilty of something; dead polar bears, African kiddies and typhoons. I can't wait for the GE and for the people of GB to lift the weight from its shoulders and 'turn its face to the sun.'
That's how it will feel for a little anyway.
It’s not the Lords that needs reforming but the Commons. In all countries that I have witnessed being handed over, first the Senate is destroyed or in this case the House of Lords as it’s a governor. I am certainly not in favour of heredity peers but when I see all these changes then there are Dark things going on.
We need a clause that gives us the right to referendums on any subject provided enough signatures can be collected.
This crowd has lied by not only their actions, inactions & words plus they have set about deceiving the British people at every point especially regarding EU. No matter how people feel about the EU, decent people should be horrified and not want to associate themselves with an organisation that is so corrupt - for 14 years the EU Auditors refused to sign off the books because they say up to 95% of the budget is unaccounted for/Missing …. Stolen.
No one knows what is contained in any of the 200,000 laws that have been rubber stamped through by both MEP’s and MP’s because they are largely unreadable. They have hidden the nature of this Beast and its massive arrogance & the money behind its establishment. I have talked to people who have participated in the votes in Brussels & at no time have they read the Laws they were voting on. If they refused to vote for the law they are carpeted. We as a people need to return to the former Biblical base of our forefathers otherwise this nation is heading for disaster.
I think to be fair he does have achievements ; holding Tory spending plans for 2 years after 97 and independence for the Bank helped to maintain economic prosperity up to 2007, and NL won 2 elections on the back of this. He also did do something for poorer groups; miniumum wage for example would never have seen light of day under the Tories. And most govts and economists agree with his response to the recession even if UK is slow to benefit. And , if you read biography of Blair by Antony Seldon, the British people have Gordeon to thank that we are not in the Euro now. I suspect history will be kinder...
But he has been a disaster at the "political" side of being PM and should go if he wanted to give Labour chance to limit the wipe out next year.
Norman muses over the idea of shooting people he's simply tired of. Better that he keep those thoughts to himself. Better still - that he seeks professional help.
One can only hope that Brown's support of Tony Blair as EU president is not going to be the exception that proves Martin Norman's 'plutonium touch' rule.
Enjoyed the spoofs of Stuart Bell prose. Pure fantasy of course. What??
Even my wife, who is totally uninterested in politics, does a cracking impersonation of him, like an asthmatic marmet.
I think there is something approaching hatred for all of 'em, but Gordy really does attract a special loathing. Being booed by the British veterans when he visited normandy, priceless.
He really can't be enjoying this, he can't be so thick as to think he is doing anything like a reasonable job............unless he really IS that thick.
TBH I for one am enjoying his pain, there is only six months to go before he goes so, for now, I find it refreshing to watch someone suffering more than the public are.
The elective dictatorship political class has no legitimacy and shamelessly hangs on to the trappings and perks of office whilst bankrupting the country.
We despise them
What do they expect?
But really I knew that it would end like this. What is so sad is that:
a) We do not seem to have a viable replacement for lab, please someone change the first past the post system, give us at least the potential for fresh debate and action in this country.
b) Gordo continues to stubbornly hang onto power like a barnacle refusing to detach itself from the hull of a sinking ship. For God's sake just bugger off, it is clear that you have failed, just have the decency to retire while you could still spin it as being your idea to leave
watzat wrote:
"Norman muses over the idea of shooting people he's simply tired of. Better that he keep those thoughts to himself. Better still - that he seeks professional help."
[info]shonae86 wrote:
"This article is an utter disgrace and a piece of very poor journalism ... it talks about mercifully killing the Prime Minister and that no one would care. Put yourself in the shoes of the PM reading an article stating 'when the creature slumped to the ground.' There is not an ounce of human decency in this article and I am ashamed."
For the last couple of years or more I have been aware of the murderous tendency online, Mr Blair being their target. (Ever wondered why it costs so much to keep him inhaling?)
However. it's been only the coarse, rabid, half-ignorant commenters who bellow for summary justice in this way. Now it's acceptable for so-called 'REAL' journos, it seems. When is this going to stop? When we actually do have to cart off to a morgue a politician? Or will it even stop then?
Power without responsibilty - the British press.
I detest them.
How do you give Gordon Brown a positive write up? There is nothing positive to say about the man. Not everyone
can be a "great man", a Churchill or an Ernie Bevan but this guy is beyond the pale even for this day and age of
jumped up pygmies. The state of mind some of you lot must be in, to become all offended by Normans tongue in cheek comment about shooting the blighter, beggers belief.
As a life long Tory I am probably less sympathetic towards a man who has wrecked our economy and thrown billions at saving stranded winkles at half tide ect ect. Yet he has cost the lives of our service people due to his anti military parsimony. A great record indeed.
Everything he touches tunrs to sh!t. Now he's cheerleading Tony Blair for EU President. Well if Gordon's leading the praises, Tony's got no chance.
Instead of the headline of this story reading, 'Isn't it about time to put Gordon Brown out of his misery,' should it not read, "Isnt' it about time to put Gordon Brown out of OUR misery!" This seems more like the idea that the writer was searching for.
Gordon Brown has, like George Bush before him made a mess of things economically and cannot seem to get a handle on the idea that people must work, before the financial hoo-haa's make their money.
Productivity is the key to long-term and lasting recovery, yet the FTSE people as well as the Wall Street Thugs, cannot seem to grasp this very basic concept of life.
We need now, in office people who can understand the ideals of productivity, whether that productivity be artistic, manual, or intellectual. No one should be be dint of trade agreements, globalization, or company greed, forced into idleness and penury.
Surely, the MP's, who regularly receive their salaries, health care benefits and money besides, have an idea of how it feels to be without motivation in the workplace, or maybe because of their status, they have no idea what it's like to not work, to have no reason to get out of bed and motivate oneself to leave the house.
Poor guy – gets blamed for everything. http://willthisonedo.blogspot.com/2
http://love-of-turnips.blogspot.com/
On the serious side, note that Plutonium is a not-particularly dangerous and highly coveted raw material, it's just difficult and messy to produce. So if Gordo had the capacity of Mr Plutoniun, he would be a hell of an asset.
Is he still holding out for Trident too?
Hopeless. We didn't elect him, we don't want him. Election, please (and change First Past The Post so that voting means something too - like Blair promised in '97.)