I gave him my Clint Eastwood stare, but that didn't stop him
Sunday 19 January 1997
I tried a more thoughtful approach. "I do not have any money to spend," I said. Now it was Toby's turn to look dismayed.
"It is the global capital markets that have the money to spend," I explained. "My hope is that when the markets have financed the German budget deficit and funded a new infrastructure for Guanxi Province there will still be enough left for me to buy a new home."
"So how much might that be?" Toby asked.
"No more than $5bn."
"So are you looking for a flat or a house?"
I was yet to be convinced that he was the right man to help me spend upwards of three times my annual salary. The problem, and Toby did not know this, was that his firm had a particular property that I liked. At least when you sell a house you have an element of choice. As a buyer you are stuck with the agent who has the property.
As far as Toby was concerned we had already bonded and by now he was preparing to "take down a few details". He stared over his clipboard and began to address me in surgeon-like tones. "What I am going to do now is take down a few details which will help us find the right property for you," Toby intoned.
"Will it hurt?" I asked.
Toby ignored me.
"How much did you say you had to spend?"
"Is it a flat or a house you are after?"
"I sincerely hope so."
Toby then switched from the medical to the teaching profession.
"I will not be able to help you unless I have some idea of what it is you are looking for," he scolded. I did not want to tell him that I knew exactly what it was I was looking for. I didn't want him to find out yet.
Toby then moved into his man-to-man mode. He leaned across the desk and whispered: "This market is looking very sexy at the moment." I disagreed. The market was looking like a a rare opportunity for estate agents to race down to the pawn shop and take their mobile telephones out of hock. "The thing is," he said, "the way this market is moving you cannot go wrong."
I disagreed. The way this market was moving there was a grave danger I would be lumbered with the kind of debt which would make Italy look like a well-managed economy.
"If you hang around you are going to miss out," Toby advised. If I hung around Toby any longer either I would go mad or he would go dead.
I finally cracked and pointed to the picture in the window of the property I had my eyes on.
Toby's face fell.
"There is a problem with that property," he said. Had it been sold? Had it subsided. Had it been occupied by Peruvian terrorists?
"Well, really it's a problem with the vendors," he explained.
Were they serial killers? Were they fund managers? Were they in jail?
"Well, no," said Toby. "For no reason at all they have taken the property out of my hands."
I punched the air, grabbed the particulars and ran.
Toby chased after me shouting.
"You wouldn't like it. It's over-priced. You can't afford it. How much have you got to spend?"
Life & Style blogs
Of course, teenage girls need role models – but not like beauty vlogger Zoella
Cameron is warned 'no possibility' of UK reducing immigration and that bid to bring in quota on migrant workers would be illegal
Support for EU membership 'at highest level since 1991' with most Brits wanting to stay 'in'
Thousands with degenerative conditions classified as 'fit to work in future' – despite no possibility of improvement
Residents should throw a street party and mix with immigrant neighbours, councils told
Attacks on 'Ukip Calypso' show how skewed people’s priorities are
- 1 This 'woman calls police to order pizza' story isn't going where you're expecting
- 2 Axe wielding man shot dead after attacking four New York policemen on busy street
- 3 Watch what happened when food critics were unknowingly served McDonald's
- 4 Jimmy Carr's Oscar Pistorius joke goes a bit too far at the Q Awards
- 5 Ottawa shootings: Bruce MacKinnon's cartoon is the perfect tribute to soldier Nathan Cirillo
£40000 - £50000 Per Annum Excellent benefits: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd:...
£30000 - £35000 Per Annum Excellent benefits: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd:...
£35000 - £40000 Per Annum Excellent benefits: Clearwater People Solutions Ltd:...
£47,334 - £59,058 per annum: Coventry University: The Centre for Agroecology, ...