Cricket: Rule Britannic: Derek Pringle introduces his all-star county side, and there's no place for England's bowlers

Robin Smith Hampshire

APART from being able to bat and field in almost any position, Smith has also assumed the mantle of the dressing-room Mr Fixit since the demise of Allan Lamb. He can organise anything from the latest pair of sunglasses to vintage champagne, or should the team win, a night out at Tramp. As the only man busier off the field than Brian Lara, he is ideally placed to keep the Trinidadian out on the field, where he belongs.

Courtney Walsh Gloucestershire

A GREAT bowler who can strike with the new ball or, if need be, take stock with the old. Second only to Ambrose in the bowling averages, though Walsh has a superior strike rate, having taken more wickets from fewer overs this year. Is also vice-captain, which gives the bowlers some representation, and recognises the excellent job he has done for Gloucestershire this year with only meagre resources at his disposal.

Curtly Ambrose Northamptonshire

LIKE the man himself, his bowling can assume awesome proportions when he's in the mood. His 77 wickets have come at an incredible average of only 14.45 runs. Some say he has to be clad in his West Indies sweater and bowling at mouthy Aussies to get fired up. But the added incentive of wickets for free air miles to Antigua should do the trick nicely. At 6ft 8in, he will not be borrowing Brian Lara's sleeping bag during slow interludes of play.

Mushtaq Ahmed Somerset

THE spinner's place was a close run thing between Mushtaq and Phil Tufnell. The Pakistani represented a more attacking option with the ball and at least knows which end of a bat to hold. Is very cheerful and doesn't drink alcohol, which means more sponsors' beer for the rest, bar Wasim. Can bowl all day and has a better googly than Shane Warne, but lacks the Aussie's rapier-like flipper and extravagant turn with the leg-break.

Wasim Akram Lancashire

INCREDIBLY talented bowler whose left-arm reverse swingers offer his captain unlimited scope to attack when the ball becomes old and worn (through natural processes only, of course). Can score useful runs down the order, but rarely gets as excited with his batting as he does with his bowling. Has the added advantage of being able to sledge in Urdu in order to avoid the hefty fines that have dogged his time with Lancashire.

Paul Nixon Leicestershire

HIS tremendous form with the bat on sporting pitches (he is the first Leicestershire keeper to score 1,000 runs in a season since 1928) just gets him the nod over Rhodes and Russell. Gritty and determined; keeping ability widely respected but largely unproven, particularly against spin. Mouthy enough for the opposition to notice him, and only hardened sledgers from the Merv Hughes Academy would be able to claim a moral victory.

Alec Stewart Surrey

A CONFIDENT strokeplayer ideally suited to demolishing a demoralised attack. Could keep wicket if required, but much better employed keeping his hands free to wave at old friends and admirers in the crowd. Will have to start studying his Who's Who of the ANC between innings if he is to avoid any gaffes as part of the Prime Minister's sporting task force to Soweto. Always immaculately fitted out and groomed.

Graham Thorpe Surrey

HAVING endured the ignominy of being neglected by England for the early part of the season, he answered his doubters with several aggressive innings in the last two Tests. Ideally placed in the order at No 5: he can hit the opposition with another left hook after Lara and Hick have waded in with the first of the left-right combinations. Better suited to attack, but can play long and responsible innings if circumstances dictate.

Graeme Hick Worcestershire

AS Curtly Ambrose and Courtney Walsh, two of his chief tormentors are playing in the same side, Hick, the born-again Test batsman, must claim his place at No 4 - he cannot have his favoured No 3 spot for obvious reasons. He will have the opportunity to bowl decent off-spin if required and will stand at second slip until his captain bids him to move. Unlikely to become the life and soul of the dressing-room, despite his recent run glut.

Brian Lara Warwickshire

PLAYING a left-hander up the order normally has the added benefit of throwing the opposition bowlers off their line. Lara on song would probably make them want to chuck the job in altogether. Like the combined action of mallet and marinade going to work on a tough steak, he not only pulverises the bowling, but also tenderises it for those who follow him to the crease. His mobile phone should be banned from the dressing-room.

Graham Gooch Essex

STILL the most accomplished batsman England have, despite a mediocre summer by his high standards. Between them, Gooch and Atherton have a peerless record as an opening pair and a common love of good wine. Must be kept away from the high ball in the field and the jam doughnuts on the tea trolley. Could swap with Stewart in the order if necessary, but claims he doesn't know what to do with himself while waiting to bat.

Michael Atherton Lancashire (capt)

A TOUGH, determined young cove, who refused to resign as captain of England when his reputation was soiled after television pictures showed that he had applied soil to the ball during the first Test against South Africa. His fighting response to calls for his head from the media was to score 99 in the next Test. Good technique, unflappable temperament and tons of courage make him the complete opening batsman.