Football: The Sweeper - Mascot on the mat
Saturday 01 May 1999
Club: Bristol Rovers.
Appearance: A 6ft foam pirate.
Crime sheet: Squaring up to Chewitsaurus, the confectionery company mascot that makes occasional appearances at Rovers' games, during their penalty shoot-out contests. Although matters have not got too out of hand - "Captain Gas is shy, he's not exactly a swashbuckler," a club spokesman said - some of his other behaviour is truly sick-making. "If the kids shout at him," said one insider at Rovers, "then he'll go all coy, and duck his head like Princess Diana. Sometimes he evens wags his finger at the crowd as if they've been naughty." Not exactly brutal, but when you're a giant foam pirate in the habit of brandishing a plastic sword while imitating doe-eyed Royals in an attempt to silence high-spirited children, you don't have to be.
In mitigation, your Honour: The person inside Captain Gas has a heart of gold, according to the club, who would not give The Sweeper his name. He actually sponsors himself and appears every week for nothing. We wouldn't want to embarrass anyone, but do your fellow employees at RMB Landscapes in Bristol know where you are every Saturday, Captain?
Diving in at the deep end is no excuse for shirking the style stakes
Latest in Sport
Luke Shaw arrives a week early for Manchester United pre-season training after cutting short post-World Cup holiday
Luis Suarez joins Barcelona: Wilfried Bony, Karim Benzema and the other transfer targets Liverpool should look to replace Suarez with
PornHub begs users to stop uploading video clips of Brazil getting beaten 7-1
Brazil vs Netherlands World Cup 2014: A history of the third-place play-offs
Luis Suarez joins Barcelona: Liverpool and Barca confirm the striker has been sold in £75m, five-year transfer
- 2 Loom bands: Bids for dress made from colourful rubber pass £170,000 on eBay
- 3 Why I'm on the brink of burning my Israeli passport
- 4 L'Oreal cuts ties with Belgium supporter Axelle Despiegelaere after hunting trip photographs
- 5 The true Gaza back-story that the Israelis aren’t telling this week
Sustained immigration has not harmed Britons' employment, say government advisers
War is war: Why I stand with Israel
7/7 memorial defaced on anniversary of 2005 attacks with ‘Blair lied thousands died’ graffiti
Australia facing international condemnation after turning around Sri Lankans at sea
Even when it brutalises one of its own teenage citizens, America is helpless against Israel
Socialist Worker called to apologise over ‘vile’ article saying Eton schoolboy Horatio Chapple's death is ‘reason to save the polar bears’
£70000 per annum: Harrington Starr: Information Security Manager (ISO 27001, A...
£30000 - £45000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: C# Developer (...
£60000 - £80000 per annum + Benefits + Bonus: Harrington Starr: C# Integration...
£75000 - £85000 per annum + ex bens: Deerfoot IT Resources Limited: Biztalk Te...