Athletics: Olympic despair leads to tragedy for Heppner

It was much like the post-race scene at any Olympic trial. Next to the crowded finishing area at the US Olympic 50km race-walk trial at Chula Vista in California a week ago today, Curt Clausen waved a starred-and-striped flag in celebration. His Olympic dream had come true, again. He would be on the United States team for Athens. Tim Seaman wouldn't. He wept uncontrollably.

Al Heppner lay sprawled on a stretcher, swathed in towels, his eyes shut tight, physically and mentally drained. For the second time in four years, his Olympic dream had been broken. The extent to which his spirit had been broken became tragically clear at 3am on Thursday. Heppner's body was found by team-mates and police at the foot of a 250ft bridge in a mountainous area of San Diego County. He had taken his own life. He was 29.

On the bright but cool day that dawned on Sunday, the San Diego Union Tribune had not been wide of the mark in des-cribing "the range of emotions" among the 13 competitors as "stretching from Chula Vista to Athens". Only Clausen was smiling with elation, though. After crossing the finish line in 3hr 58min 24sec, the normally reserved 36-year-old was animatedly celebrating his third Olympic qualification. "I got the trip to Athens," he said. "I got the trip." "As rewarding as the victory was for Clausen," the Tribune reported, "it was heart-breaking for Seaman and Heppner." Seaman's second place, in 4hr 8min 6sec, failed to meet the four-hour Olympic qualifying standard. "I hate the 50km," he said. "I hate the damn thing." Asked why he raced an event he loathed, he broke down in tears.

Seaman, for all his vain marathon toil, could stand and articulate his bitter disappointment. Heppner did not have the strength to lift himself off the stretcher. He required medical attention, too. He had led the race for 30km before suffering the equivalent of hitting the marathon runner's "wall", fading to fifth place, staggering across the line in 4hr 23min 52sec - some 23 minutes slower than his personal best. "I just started falling apart," Heppner said. "Obviously, in retrospect, I should have stayed with the pack. I've never crashed like I did today."

At 7.40pm on Wednesday California Highway Patrol officers found Heppner's car abandoned near the bridge at Pine Valley Creek. Concerned friends had reported to the local sheriff's department that he had been "very depressed". Although Heppner still had a chance to qualify for the US squad at the IAAF Race Walking Cup in Naumburg, Germany, in May, his friends told police he had became despondent since Sunday's race.

It was not the first time an Olympic disappointment had dragged him to despair. At the 50km trial for the Sydney Olympics, Heppner became hypothermic in freezing tem- peratures and was forced to quit. Reflecting on that disappointment, he said later: "I am extremely competitive and I always have been competitive to the point where it is probably not healthy. That's good for an élite athlete, but it makes it even more devastating to me when things don't work out."

After failing to make the team for Sydney, Heppner was forced to move out of the US Olympic Training Centre at Chula Vista. He joined the US Army and was admitted to their World Class Athlete Programme. By last November, he was looking forward optimistically to Olympic year. "Training is going really well," he said. "Things are looking up again." In January he won a silver medal in the US 30km championship race.

The Olympic dream Heppner nurtured since entering a high school race-walk for a $1 bet had been revived. It stayed alive until the tragic events which unfolded beyond the 30km point at Chula Vista last Sunday.