Hold The Back Page: 12/03/2011

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It's a big weekend for...

Andy Robinson

If anyone knows how shaming it is for England to fail to beat Scotland at Twickenham, it is Andy Robinson.

The current Scotland coach was on the field – in a white jersey – for the 12-12 draw in 1989, the last time that England were not triumphant in this fixture at home. His desire to reconjure the embarrassment of that day back when, if you can picture it, Kenny Dalglish was Liverpool manager, will only be intensified by his disappointment at leaving the England job in 2006. Robinson was bullish this week, but with his side a distant 10-1 to recreate the thrilling victory of 1983, the last Scottish win at Twickenham, one must concede that the chances of his humbling England are fairly marginal.

We applaud you wholeheartedly

Cedric Enjolras

This week's award for "the least self-knowledge displayed by a football governing body" has somehow evaded Sepp Blatter. Rather, it goes to the Fédération Française de Football for its utterly wit-free response to a gentle prank from the president of FC Borne. Cédric Enjolras decided to submit an official bid for Lionel Messi, on the understandable basis that he might, at the least, increase competition for places at the club who play in the second division of the Haute-Loire league. The FFF did not see it that way and has suspended Enjolras for six months, on the grounds that "one cannot accept such behaviour". Where's a Gallic shrug when you want one?

Plus the stories you may have missed

Weight gain as random chance

"I think principally the injuries and bad luck were why things didn't go well at Roma," said Adriano after his contract was finally rescinded this week. His suggestion that the fluctuation of his weight was in the gift of the fates is original, to say the least. Why not just ask Kolo Touré for one of his diet pills?

Like father, like son

It wasn't the 1991 FA Cup final. It wasn't even the 1989 Cup Winners' Cup final. But a Lineker triumphed in a trophy-decider on Thursday, as 16-year-old Harry scored one of the two goals for Charterhouse as they edged out Eton to win the Independent Schools' FA Cup.