Outside Edge

There were a number of sore men watching TV in the US last week, and a smaller number of surgeons counting their money. Thursday saw the start of March Madness, America's 64-team college basketball tournament, when work absenteeism traditionally peaks. But this year many fans had a legitimate excuse, after a marketing drive convinced them to time vasectomy operations to coincide with the event. Alabama State were eliminated in the first round, so no more action for their No 42, Grlenntys Chief Kickingstallionsims Jnr, who lists his greatest athletic achievement as "being named Best Name in College Sports by 'Sports Illustrated'". Can't argue with that.

1

Number of shots it took Unni Haskell to find the cup at the first hole of the Cyprus Links course in Florida. Not so surprising, perhaps, until one learns that at the age of 62 she was playing the first round of golf in her life. Ace effort.

Inflationary trends of the week

More American action from Las Vegas, where the No 1 seed, Davis Lee Huynh, lost in the final of the World Air Hockey Championships. Which is a shame, because in the build-up Davis said he didn't want to look back in 20 years' time and regret not taking his air hockey skills as far as he could. A sentiment we all surely echo. Cue a clunking segue to Airheads, a company who supply inflatable dolls for crowd scenes in movies – "Inflating extras, deflating cost" is their motto. Last Sunday they added 1,000 dolls to the 1,305 crowd watching Nottingham rugby team, to help try to raise their profile. They would do the same for the England football team, but the FA say that, what with the WAGs, they've got enough airheads already, thank you.

Good week for

Eleanor Simmonds and Heather Frederiksen, British Paralympic swimmers, set world records in Sheffield... Eva Muirhead, skipped Scotland to a third successive world junior women's curling title... and Colin Montgomerie, plays in his 500th European Tour event this week.

Bad week for

Jonny Wilkinson, England fly-half, yet another comeback from injury delayed after a setback in training... Worcestershire Cricket Club, searching for a new main sponsor after the collapse of retailers Apollo 2000... Sir Allen Stanford, being pursued in the US for £161m in unpaid taxes... and Therese Alshammar, Swedish swimmer, disqualified in the Australian Championships for wearing two swimsuits, losing a world record.

Culinary challenges of the week

As promised last week, a gobbet of jelly-wrestling. After an evening of gloopy grappling at the US McMurdo Base in Antarctica, the organiser has been fired. "They're sucking all the fun out of the place," grumbled one worker. Not to mention all the jelly. More fast food action at Winterberg in Germany, where the Olympic luge champion, Georg Hackl, piloted a Chinese cooking pot to victory in the World Wok Championship. This made-for-TV event attracts a number of C-list celebs, including the singer from the German band Oomph! – or that might just have been the sound he made when he careered off the track a couple of years ago.

s.redfern@independent.co.uk