It's that slow-news time of year, when PR firms try to promote clients by releasing pointless polls to a gullible media. Seems fair, so here's a couple. First up, as it were, is dating site gay-PARSHIP.co.uk; decathlete Daley Thompson tops their poll of British Olympians gay men would most like to date, with a resounding 33 per cent of the votes (must be the moustache). Sir Steve Redgrave is not far behind, on 28 per cent. Dame Kelly Holmes wins the lesbian poll with a landslide 48 per cent, Denise Lewis trailing in second with 19 per cent. Sir Steve does come top of BA's Top Five Olympic British Competitors poll, though. In other news: BA come 18th in customer satisfaction poll by 'Which?' magazine.
Number of high school cheerleaders who squeezed into a lift at the University of Texas last week. Cue malfunction and a lengthy wait before release. Give us a D, give us a U, give us an M, give us a B.
Forgotten invention of the week
The Beijing games Opening Ceremony celebrated many Chinese inventions, but no mention of cuju (literally, "kick ball"), a form of keepie-uppie dating back to the fifth century BC. Surprising they didn't have it as a demonstration sport, but on second thoughts, it might have gone on a bit: the world keepie-uppie record is 19 hours 30 minutes. If you fancy your own footwork, Pringles are holding a football-skills video competition at pringles.co.uk/football. The winner gets to meet Michael Owen, but don't worry, there are other prizes as well.
Good week for
Andy Murray, rose to career-high No 6 in world tennis rankings after winning Cincinnati Masters... Ryuichi Kiyonari, Japanese rider, claimed his first World Superbike victories with a double at Brands Hatch... Ireland cricket team, qualified for next year's T20 Cup... and Vijay Singh, 45, became the oldest man to win a World Golf Championship event.
Bad week for
Mark Clattenburg replaced as referee for today's Community Shield match and suspended after concerns about his business affairs... Sir Craig Reedie, sports administrator, failed to win a place for Britain on the International Olympic Committee... Mick Fitzgerald, Grand National-winning Irish jockey, forced to retire through injury... and British snooker, facing a £1.5m deficit afterlosing its two major sponsors.
Ferret reverse of the week
If you want to create publicity for your ferret shelter in America (and why not?), don't call a competition you devise for the little critters the Ferret Olympics, or the wrath of the US Olympic Committee will descend on you. They're very keen to protect their lucrative sponsorship deals, so after being threatened with legal action, Melanee Ellis of Oregon has had to rename her event the Ferret Agility Trials. No such namby-pamby kowtowing to authority by the Square Pie Company of London, we're glad to say: they have named their August pie of the month the Olym-pie. The contents? Tibetan lamb curry.Reuse content