Whatever cries ring round the terraces at Conference outfit Forest Green Rovers next season, it's unlikely to be "Who ate all the pies?", as the club's vegan chairman, Dale Vince, has banned the selling of meat products at the ground, after imposing a similar matchday prohibition on the players.
"Primarily it was about changing how the club works and attracting a different audience to football," Vince says.
For "different" read "smaller" in every respect, Edge suspects. But at least the Gloucestershire team have got a pitch to play on, unlike Cheshire club Sandbach United, whose players may have to dribble round 11 caravans and two 4x4s for their last home game of the season this week after travellers moved in and occupied their ground.
If all else fails they could apply to join the English Subbuteo Grand Prix circuit, which begins at Leicester this weekend. Or perhaps they could tell the travellers to flick off.
Number of heads possessed by Magdalena the tortoise, the latest animal attempting sporting soothsaying, in her case during the World Ice Hockey Championships in Slovakia. She uses a model ice rink to make her predictions, and so far has been spot-on; two heads are obviously better than one.
Team Wayne flunk peak practice
The Three Peaks Challenge is a tough call: climbing the highest mountains in Scotland, England and Wales within 24 hours.
It's best to do a bit of homework before tackling it, preferably involving maps; or you can take the more laidback approach of the six first-timers who formed Team Wayne. After all, finding the biggest lumps of land in Great Britain can't be that difficult, surely. But after reaching their first summit they were disappointed to find that instead of standing atop Ben Nevis they had scaled Stob Ban, three miles away and some 1,000ft shorter.
Undaunted, they pressed on to scale Scafell Pike in the Lake District, but three of them were forced to turn back through injury and two got lost on the hillside, causing the mountain rescue team to be called out. Sanity then prevailed, and they gave Snowdon a miss.
Team Wayne's motto? "Making a difference". At least they got that right.
Shane Warne, whose song "King of Spin", recorded in collaboration with Indian musician Arnie B, is riding highin India's charts...
Gordon Ramsay, invited to throw the ceremonial first pitch for the Los Angeles Dodgers... and Jack, a three-legged sheepdog from Powys who returned to work after having a leg amputated following an accident, won the National Farmers' Union farm dog of the year competition.
Danny Cipriani, the troublesome English fly-half, disciplined and dropped by Melbourne Rebels after breaking curfew...
Edward Bevan, the Welsh cricket commentator, hit by a ball which crashed through the window of the press box at Taunton... and Franny Norton, the Flat jockey, stood down atChester on Thursday after failing a breathalyser test.
It's only make-believe in Milwaukee
Contestants are letting their fingers do the talking in Milwaukee this weekend as a heat of the Air Sex World Championships comes to town. Nothing to do with the Mile High Club, it's more akin to air guitar, only in this case competitors have to mime making love to an imaginary partner.
Clothes must remain on – nothing sleazy here, folks – and the winner gets the chance to compete in the finals later this year in Austin, Texas. Entry is open to anyone, except presumably footballers, who would of course be penalised for simulation.
Francesca Schiavone, the French Open tennis champion from Italy, is unlikely to apply, as she announced last week that she prefers the real thing, especially just before a match.
"It raises your hormone levels and brings advantages to all your points," she enthused a little breathlessly. "In recent years I have grown, and my feminine side is a lot more visible."
Put her on a show court immediately.