View from the Sofa: Extreme noise proves perfect soundtrack to afternoon of bowls

Indoor Bowls World Championships, BBC2

(Getty Images)

It was once popular among people of a certain age to watch sport on television while listening to the commentary from the radio. Test cricket fans still do – and get a swag of cake anecdotes and pigeon-related whimsy delivered to them via Test Match Special, as well as detailed descriptions of the goings-on on the pitch.

I took this up a level yesterday while watching the men’s singles final of the indoor bowls World Championships. But instead of listening on the radio, I switched between BBC2’s very capable commentary and bouts of extreme heavy metal while watching Robert Paxton and Nick Brett battle it out at a seaside resort in Norfolk.

The music of choice was Turbid North, which sounds a little like a disused Tube stop but is in fact a three-piece from Alaska. They play an extremely heavy, textured brand of noise which lurches between blasts of speed and periods of slow churning and plodding. It proved an ideal foil for the tense yet strangely soporific action on the carpet – especially when the crash of a cymbal or chug of guitar coincided with two bowls colliding.

At this juncture, it is worth mentioning that I did not turn up the heaviosity in a clumsy attempt to sex up the sport. There is no need to – indoor bowls, with its fascinating mechanics and lurid blue carpet, is mesmerising. I was merely experimenting, as I have done with watching football accompanied by John Coltrane’s free-jazz period (not recommended) and rugby league with Gustav Holst’s Planets (hilarious).

Indoor bowls is a game that knows its demographic. You can see from the silver hue of the spectators and the sponsors – Just Retirement, a finance company for pensioners – where the appeal of the sport lies. And given that the arena was packed to the gills, the market placement of the product clearly works.

The two competitors, however, were whippersnappers. Paxton is in his early thirties, while Brett has only recently breached the big four-oh. And, it must be mentioned, they both sported thick gold chains around their necks: a worthy addition to any sporting event.

The music was turned off in the seventh end of the first set, when Brett drove a bowl down the rink, smashing one of his opponent’s out of contention. The only bowls remaining were a good six feet from the jack – prompting the officials to appear with a piece of string to measure. David Corkill, one of the commentators, remarked that, although the method “may seem antiquated, it is still the best”. You could say the same about heavy music.

Paxton won the end and ended up tying the set, but lost the following one, and with it the final. And as Brett punched the air, I turned off Turbid North again, just in time for the champion to say he felt “pretty bloody good”, before fighting back tears.

“We’ll allow that,” presenter Rishi Persad said. Too right – sport, mild swearing and loud music have never gone together so well.