F1: Lotus mock rule changes with 18 proposals of their own, including 'Any drivers named Sebastian Vettel will complete their own pit stops without assistance from their mechanics'
The FIA announced earlier this week that double points will be awarded in the final Grand Prix of the season, a move that world champion Sebastian Vettel has labelled 'absurd'
Into the vortex of indignation and ridicule following Formula One’s decision to award double points at the final race of 2014, Lotus have thrown a few barmy ideas of their own, all of them just as worthy.
The move to double the points in Abu Dhabi is a masterstroke of inauthenticity that has invited widespread revulsion. It takes its place alongside commercial rights holder Bernie Ecclestone’s cheeky idea to place sprinklers at trackside to spice up the action. That madcap manipulation never escaped the dustbin, which is where the scoring fiasco dreamt up in Paris by Formula One’s governing body, the FIA, ought to end up.
The rules hash is a brazen attempt to ensure someone other than Sebastian Vettel wins the World Championship in 2014. As if the introduction of a new engine specification, greater harvesting of electrical power and radical aerodynamic revision is not injection enough of the potential for chaos. Jenson Button reckons the cars will be spinning like tops as the drivers struggle to cope with the resulting boost in torque delivered to the accelerator.
Lotus chose an alternative form of commentary, soaring into the debate via social media with 18 comic suggestions. Here are three of the best:
“Any driver who has a pet named Roscoe [Lewis Hamilton] will start from the back of the grid. On even days only. Does not apply in April.
“Any driver celebrating his birthday on the day of qualifying will be granted pole position, 10 points, and a Ferrari garage tour.
“Any drivers named Sebastian Vettel will complete their own pit stops without assistance from their mechanics.”
In the spirit of their pearl of a post on Facebook, I propose the doubling of points earned by Lotus in the opening race of next season, plus a bonus haul of 100 for the bullseye scored in lampooning the brains trust at the FIA. I also suggest you post entries of your own to communicate your unease. Here are a few to get you started:
Any driver who wins two races in a row must give up his seat at the next race to Joey Essex.
A bonus of 25 points to be awarded to any driver who completes a lap while giving another driver a lift.
Double points to the driver who delivers the best insult over the radio, with a bonus five points per expletive.
The fastest qualifier must start the race backwards from pole and perform three doughnuts in the pit lane after each stop.
You can see all of Lotus's proposed changes below...
Mario Balotelli scored as many goals for AC Milan on second debut as he did for Liverpool in the Premier League last season
Cyprus vs Wales match report: Gareth Bale's bullet header has Welsh on brink of Euro 2016
Jose Mourinho: Chelsea manager has four Guinness World records hanging in his office
Manchester United will pay Monaco £7.2m extra if Anthony Martial scores 25 goals in four years as deal could rise to incredible £58m
Pedro hits outs at Manchester United boss Louis van Gaal for treatment of Victor Valdes
- 1 What marriage would look like if we actually followed the Bible
- 3 The Chinese city where men have 'three girlfriends because there are so many women'
- 4 'Heartbreaking' Syria orphan photo wasn't taken in Syria and not of orphan
- 5 Orthorexia nervosa: How becoming obsessed with healthy eating can lead to malnutrition
Britain to take more refugees as Cameron bows to pressure after more than 250,000 back our campaign
Senior British politicians tell David Cameron: When dead children are being washed up on beaches – it's time to act
Jeremy Corbyn calls Osama bin Laden's killing a 'tragedy' - but was it taken out of context?
If these extraordinarily powerful images of a dead Syrian child washed up on a beach don't change Europe's attitude to refugees, what will?
If you're not already angry about the refugee crisis, here's a history lesson to remind you why you really should be
Make your voice heard: Sign The Independent's petition to welcome refugees