F1: Lotus mock rule changes with 18 proposals of their own, including 'Any drivers named Sebastian Vettel will complete their own pit stops without assistance from their mechanics'

The FIA announced earlier this week that double points will be awarded in the final Grand Prix of the season, a move that world champion Sebastian Vettel has labelled 'absurd'

Into the vortex of indignation and ridicule following Formula One’s decision to award double points at the final race of 2014, Lotus have thrown a few barmy ideas of their own, all of them just as worthy.

The move to double the points in Abu Dhabi is a masterstroke of inauthenticity that has invited widespread revulsion. It takes its place alongside commercial rights holder Bernie Ecclestone’s cheeky idea to place sprinklers at trackside to spice up the action. That madcap manipulation never escaped the dustbin, which is where the scoring fiasco dreamt up in Paris by Formula One’s governing body, the FIA, ought to end up.

The rules hash is a brazen attempt to ensure someone other than Sebastian Vettel wins the World Championship in 2014. As if the introduction of a new engine specification, greater harvesting of electrical power and radical aerodynamic revision is not injection enough of the potential for chaos. Jenson Button reckons the cars will be spinning like tops as the drivers struggle to cope with the resulting boost in torque delivered to the accelerator.

Lotus chose an alternative form of commentary, soaring into the debate via social media with 18 comic suggestions. Here are three of the best:

“Any driver who has a pet named Roscoe [Lewis Hamilton] will start from the back of the grid. On even days only. Does not apply in April.

“Any driver celebrating his birthday on the day of qualifying will be granted pole position, 10 points, and a Ferrari garage tour.

“Any drivers named Sebastian Vettel will complete their own pit stops without assistance from their mechanics.”

In the spirit of their pearl of a post on Facebook, I propose the doubling of points earned by Lotus in the opening race of next season, plus a bonus haul of 100 for the bullseye scored in lampooning the brains trust at the FIA. I also suggest you post entries of your own to communicate your unease. Here are a few to get you started:

Any driver who wins two races in a row must give up his seat at the next race to Joey Essex.

A bonus of 25 points to be awarded to any driver who completes a lap while giving another driver a lift.

Double points to the driver who delivers the best insult over the radio, with a bonus five points per expletive.

The fastest qualifier must start the race backwards from pole and perform three doughnuts in the pit lane after each stop.

You can see all of Lotus's proposed changes below...

 

Life and Style
love + sex A new study has revealed the average size - but does that leave men outside the 'normal' range being thought of as 'abnormal'?
Arts and Entertainment
TV
Voices
The Palace of Westminster is falling down, according to John Bercow
voices..says Matthew Norman
Sport
Steve Bruce and Gus Poyet clash
football
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
News
Graham Norton said Irish broadcaster RTE’s decision to settle was ‘moronic’
TV
Arts and Entertainment
Jake and Dinos Chapman were motivated by revenge to make 'Bring me the Head of Franco Toselli! '
arts + ents Shapero Modern Gallery to show explicit Chapman Brothers film
Arts and Entertainment
Kurt Cobain performing for 'MTV Unplugged' in New York, shortly before his death
music Brett Morgen's 'Cobain: Montage of Heck' debunks many of the myths
Life and Style
life
Sport
Brendan Rodgers
football The Liverpool manager will be the first option after Pep Guardiola
News
Amazon misled consumers about subscription fees, the ASA has ruled
news
Arts and Entertainment
Myanna Buring, Julian Rhind-Tutt and Russell Tovey in 'Banished'
TV Jimmy McGovern tackles 18th-century crime and punishment
Arts and Entertainment
Paul Whitehouse as Herbert
arts + ents
Caption competition
Caption competition
Latest stories from i100
Daily Quiz
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

Career Services

Day In a Page

Syrian conflict is the world's first 'climate change war', say scientists, but it won't be the last one

Climate change key in Syrian conflict

And it will trigger more war in future
How I outwitted the Gestapo

How I outwitted the Gestapo

My life as a Jew in wartime Berlin
The nation's favourite animal revealed

The nation's favourite animal revealed

Women like cuddly creatures whilst men like creepy-crawlies
Is this the way to get young people to vote?

Getting young people to vote

From #VOTESELFISH to Bite the Ballot
Poldark star Heida Reed: 'I don't think a single bodice gets ripped'

Poldark star Heida Reed

'I don't think a single bodice gets ripped'
The difference between America and Israel? There isn’t one

The difference between America and Israel? There isn’t one

Netanyahu knows he can get away with anything in America, says Robert Fisk
Families clubbing together to build their own affordable accommodation

Do It Yourself approach to securing a new house

Community land trusts marking a new trend for taking the initiative away from developers
Head of WWF UK: We didn’t send Cameron to the Arctic to see green ideas freeze

David Nussbaum: We didn’t send Cameron to the Arctic to see green ideas freeze

The head of WWF UK remains sanguine despite the Government’s failure to live up to its pledges on the environment
Author Kazuo Ishiguro on being inspired by shoot-outs and samurai

Author Kazuo Ishiguro on being inspired by shoot-outs and samurai

Set in a mythologised 5th-century Britain, ‘The Buried Giant’ is a strange beast
With money, corruption and drugs, this monk fears Buddhism in Thailand is a ‘poisoned fruit’

Money, corruption and drugs

The monk who fears Buddhism in Thailand is a ‘poisoned fruit’
America's first slavery museum established at Django Unchained plantation - 150 years after slavery outlawed

150 years after it was outlawed...

... America's first slavery museum is established in Louisiana
Kelly Clarkson: How I snubbed Simon Cowell and become a Grammy-winning superstar

Kelly Clarkson: How I snubbed Simon Cowell and become a Grammy-winning superstar

The first 'American Idol' winner on how she manages to remain her own woman – Jane Austen fascination and all
Tony Oursler on exploring our uneasy relationship with technology with his new show

You won't believe your eyes

Tony Oursler's new show explores our uneasy relationship with technology. He's one of a growing number of artists with that preoccupation
Ian Herbert: Peter Moores must go. He should never have been brought back to fail again

Moores must go. He should never have been brought back to fail again

The England coach leaves players to find solutions - which makes you wonder where he adds value, says Ian Herbert
War with Isis: Fears that the looming battle for Mosul will unleash 'a million refugees'

The battle for Mosul will unleash 'a million refugees'

Aid agencies prepare for vast exodus following planned Iraqi offensive against the Isis-held city, reports Patrick Cockburn