F1: Lotus mock rule changes with 18 proposals of their own, including 'Any drivers named Sebastian Vettel will complete their own pit stops without assistance from their mechanics'
The FIA announced earlier this week that double points will be awarded in the final Grand Prix of the season, a move that world champion Sebastian Vettel has labelled 'absurd'
Into the vortex of indignation and ridicule following Formula One’s decision to award double points at the final race of 2014, Lotus have thrown a few barmy ideas of their own, all of them just as worthy.
The move to double the points in Abu Dhabi is a masterstroke of inauthenticity that has invited widespread revulsion. It takes its place alongside commercial rights holder Bernie Ecclestone’s cheeky idea to place sprinklers at trackside to spice up the action. That madcap manipulation never escaped the dustbin, which is where the scoring fiasco dreamt up in Paris by Formula One’s governing body, the FIA, ought to end up.
The rules hash is a brazen attempt to ensure someone other than Sebastian Vettel wins the World Championship in 2014. As if the introduction of a new engine specification, greater harvesting of electrical power and radical aerodynamic revision is not injection enough of the potential for chaos. Jenson Button reckons the cars will be spinning like tops as the drivers struggle to cope with the resulting boost in torque delivered to the accelerator.
Lotus chose an alternative form of commentary, soaring into the debate via social media with 18 comic suggestions. Here are three of the best:
“Any driver who has a pet named Roscoe [Lewis Hamilton] will start from the back of the grid. On even days only. Does not apply in April.
“Any driver celebrating his birthday on the day of qualifying will be granted pole position, 10 points, and a Ferrari garage tour.
“Any drivers named Sebastian Vettel will complete their own pit stops without assistance from their mechanics.”
In the spirit of their pearl of a post on Facebook, I propose the doubling of points earned by Lotus in the opening race of next season, plus a bonus haul of 100 for the bullseye scored in lampooning the brains trust at the FIA. I also suggest you post entries of your own to communicate your unease. Here are a few to get you started:
Any driver who wins two races in a row must give up his seat at the next race to Joey Essex.
A bonus of 25 points to be awarded to any driver who completes a lap while giving another driver a lift.
Double points to the driver who delivers the best insult over the radio, with a bonus five points per expletive.
The fastest qualifier must start the race backwards from pole and perform three doughnuts in the pit lane after each stop.
You can see all of Lotus's proposed changes below...
Diving in at the deep end is no excuse for shirking the style stakes
Luke Shaw arrives a week early for Manchester United pre-season training after cutting short post-World Cup holiday
Luis Suarez joins Barcelona: Wilfried Bony, Karim Benzema and the other transfer targets Liverpool should look to replace Suarez with
PornHub begs users to stop uploading video clips of Brazil getting beaten 7-1
Brazil vs Netherlands World Cup 2014: A history of the third-place play-offs
Luis Suarez joins Barcelona: Liverpool and Barca confirm the striker has been sold in £75m, five-year transfer
- 2 Loom bands: Bids for dress made from colourful rubber pass £170,000 on eBay
- 3 Why I'm on the brink of burning my Israeli passport
- 4 L'Oreal cuts ties with Belgium supporter Axelle Despiegelaere after hunting trip photographs
- 5 The true Gaza back-story that the Israelis aren’t telling this week
Sustained immigration has not harmed Britons' employment, say government advisers
War is war: Why I stand with Israel
7/7 memorial defaced on anniversary of 2005 attacks with ‘Blair lied thousands died’ graffiti
Australia facing international condemnation after turning around Sri Lankans at sea
Even when it brutalises one of its own teenage citizens, America is helpless against Israel
Socialist Worker called to apologise over ‘vile’ article saying Eton schoolboy Horatio Chapple's death is ‘reason to save the polar bears’