The Sweeper: My Team: Timmy Mallet Oxford United

TV presenter

"There are staff at Oxford who haven't been paid for six weeks. We tried to sell Joey Beauchamp so we could pay 'em...but you know what? He failed his fitness test! Can you believe it? The thing about Oxford is that we've got this massive slope, and when we're kicking downhill, we'll beat anyone. We've beaten every single club when we've played down the hill in the second half! The joke is always that Joey can't play anywhere else! When we won the Milk Cup which was the greatest day ever! That was the year we would have been in Europe! Can you imagine?! Oxford v Barcelona going down that hill? We'd have whooped 'em!"