Procrastinator, braggart or workaholic: Which revision stereotype are you?

Do you boast about how much work you're doing, or pretend you don't have a secret sheaf of revision cards stashed under your bed? Find out what type of reviser you are with this helpful spotters' guide

They’re coming. You can feel it in the air, a moment of stillness before all hell breaks loose and Voldemort pops in for a cuppa. At universities across the UK, night club staff blink in the gloomy silence. It’s time, people: once again you will be put to the test, dripping in red bull and desperation. It's exam season.

Those few terrible weeks when the British weather will decide to be glorious, while you cram for your degree alongside that one guy who always brings a ripe tuna sandwich to the library. As each day limps past, students seem to undergo a startling transformation, morphing into highlighting fiends. Look into your heart and ask yourself honestly - which of these stereotypes are you?

The braggart

If you fit into this category, hang your head in shame (while simultaneously bragging about it). Nobody likes a bragger, yet you can bet there will be at least one of them directly within your earshot at any given time. They will inform you of how well their revision is going at 10-minute intervals. They will sidle over to your little corner of hell, nod sympathetically as you explain your struggle, and then break into a rapturous monologue on how they are just ‘so ready’ for this exam.

They will update their Facebook status with precise, enthusiastic sentences, informing on readers exactly what they have revised and for how long. So what if you did an hour of equations? They revised the exact same thing for five hours, and they don’t even take maths.

Once their exam is over, they will bound outside like a mountain goat, running to catch up with you. How did you answer question two? However you did, it will be wrong. You are doomed, because the bragger will have answered completely differently. They will then make a loud phone call to their parents, just in case anyone missed how well they did the first time.

The liar

You will turn to the liar in a bid to reassure yourself. However little revision you may have done, the liar will have done less. The liar will develop a serious case of fake CBA syndrome, and will drop statements such as “yeah, like, done nothing, like, seriously”, all casual-like. Come results day, however, they will casually admit to their first, and saunter off for a beer.

For in fact, the liar will have studied extremely hard. They will have revised in secret, shuffling their revision cards with glee.

If, on the other hand, you actually are an honest person who really doesn't try in exams but does exceedingly well, excuse me while I’m sick on your shoes.

The worrier

The worrier will inflict their nervous, jabbering anxiety upon everyone they meet, bombarding you with incessant questions. What have you revised, how much exactly, when did you start? They will squeak in alarm as they discover that the exam is tomorrow, even if they aren't doing the same subject.

Nothing is safe from the worrier’s bulging eyes, as they rifle through your notes, intoning “I’m just so worried, are you not worried, I’m really worried”.

The worrier will go on to do perfectly well: “I don’t know what I even was worrying about.”

The Sharpie lover

Now we all love to hate the Sharpie lover, yet we secretly admire them for their hardcore attitude. The Sharpie lover will revise alone and silently, with their lunch prepared in a tupperware box. Their notes will be neatly written, colour-coded, and woe betide you if you dare interfere with their filing system. They know the answer to every question, and nothing will perturb them in the quest to succeed. Stoic and silent in their approach, they will doublecheck their answers and never, ever forget their stationary.

The procrastinator

Now, every student adds a pinch of procrastination to the mundane tasks of life. The Internet has enabled us to dapple in pointless moments of hilarity, especially if cat videos are involved. A chimpanzee riding on a segway? You know exactly what I mean.

There is a difference between a cheeky Tweet and full-on YouTube addiction though. A hardcore procrastinator will pride themselves on their ability to waste time in the run up to exams. Have you spent a whole day cleaning your room, and that includes pairing up all your socks? Or maybe you’ve indulged in an iPlayer marathon, then baked a questionable cake. Whichever ridiculous task you’ve taken upon yourself, it won’t be something that urgently needs doing.

A true procrastinator is able to lure people into their aimless musings, and before you know it you’ve watched three seasons of House and your highlighters have dried up. It’s not that procrastinators don’t care about exams; they may even embark on a crazed final-hour revision session, especially if it means doing a revision time table with their new set of pens, with fancy headings, some stickers and a few doodles. It'll make them revise more, honest.

Workaholic

There’s a difference between the workaholic and the Sharpie lover, a carefully drawn line of rationale. The latter will schedule loo breaks, but the former will curse their bladder as they hold it in until they look like an spasming penguin.

The workaholic revises all hours of the day, desk light glowing in the middle of the night. Do not approach under any circumstance, unless you enjoy seeing a person unravel. They may occasionally offer a spray of spit as they explain their task, before telling you to go away in the rudest of terms. Their notes are chaotic and crumpled, and their diet consists of coffee and chewy sweets to angrily gnash.

The workaholic is to be pitied as they arrive for the exam a nervous wreck with bowel issues.

And if you do not fit into any of these categories, excuse me while I make up another irritating but probably true stereotype.

Ellie House is a third year English Literature student at Lancaster university. Follow her on Twitter here.

Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
Arts and Entertainment
tvGame of Thrones season 5 ep 4, review - WARNING: contains major spoiliers!
News
Tottenham legend Jimmy Greaves has defended fans use of the word 'Yid'
people
News
i100
Arts and Entertainment
Kanye West, performing in New York last week, has been the subject of controversy as rock's traditional headline slot at Glastonbury is lost once again
music
Arts and Entertainment
The Ridiculous Six has been produced by Adam Sandler, who also stars in it
filmNew controversy after nine Native American actors walked off set
  • Get to the point
Latest stories from i100
Have you tried new the Independent Digital Edition apps?
iJobs Job Widget
iJobs Student

SThree: Trainee Recruitment Consultant

£20000 - £25000 per annum + OTE £45K: SThree: At SThree, we like to be differe...

Guru Careers: Graduate Account Executive / Digital Account Executive

£20k + Benefits: Guru Careers: We are seeking a Graduate Digital Account Exec ...

SThree: Graduate Recruitment Resourcer

£20000 - £22500 per annum + OTE £30K: SThree: SThree Group have been well esta...

SThree: Trainee Recruitment Consultant

£18000 - £23000 per annum + OTE £45K: SThree: At SThree, we like to be differe...

Independent Dating
and  

By clicking 'Search' you
are agreeing to our
Terms of Use.

Day In a Page

Fishing for votes with Nigel Farage: The Ukip leader shows how he can work an audience as he casts his line to the disaffected of Grimsby

Fishing is on Nigel Farage's mind

Ukip leader casts a line to the disaffected
Who is bombing whom in the Middle East? It's amazing they don't all hit each other

Who is bombing whom in the Middle East?

Robert Fisk untangles the countries and factions
China's influence on fashion: At the top of the game both creatively and commercially

China's influence on fashion

At the top of the game both creatively and commercially
Lord O’Donnell: Former cabinet secretary on the election and life away from the levers of power

The man known as GOD has a reputation for getting the job done

Lord O'Donnell's three principles of rule
Rainbow shades: It's all bright on the night

Rainbow shades

It's all bright on the night
'It was first time I had ever tasted chocolate. I kept a piece, and when Amsterdam was liberated, I gave it to the first Allied soldier I saw'

Bread from heaven

Dutch survivors thank RAF for World War II drop that saved millions
Britain will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power - Labour

How 'the Axe' helped Labour

UK will be 'run for the wealthy and powerful' if Tories retain power
Rare and exclusive video shows the horrific price paid by activists for challenging the rule of jihadist extremists in Syria

The price to be paid for challenging the rule of extremists

A revolution now 'consuming its own children'
Welcome to the world of Megagames

Welcome to the world of Megagames

300 players take part in Watch the Skies! board game in London
'Nymphomaniac' actress reveals what it was really like to star in one of the most explicit films ever

Charlotte Gainsbourg on 'Nymphomaniac'

Starring in one of the most explicit films ever
Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi: The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers

Robert Fisk in Abu Dhabi

The Emirates' out-of-sight migrant workers helping to build the dream projects of its rulers
Vince Cable interview: Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'

Vince Cable exclusive interview

Charging fees for employment tribunals was 'a very bad move'
Iwan Rheon interview: Game of Thrones star returns to his Welsh roots to record debut album

Iwan Rheon is returning to his Welsh roots

Rheon is best known for his role as the Bastard of Bolton. It's gruelling playing a sadistic torturer, he tells Craig McLean, but it hasn't stopped him recording an album of Welsh psychedelia
Russell Brand's interview with Ed Miliband has got everyone talking about The Trews

Everyone is talking about The Trews

Russell Brand's 'true news' videos attract millions of viewers. But today's 'Milibrand' interview introduced his resolutely amateurish style to a whole new crowd
Morne Hardenberg interview: Cameraman for BBC's upcoming show Shark on filming the ocean's most dangerous predator

It's time for my close-up

Meet the man who films great whites for a living